What the fuck

I will only marry a man who is: Virgin Naturally Paul Rudd 5'10 perfect Paul Rudd height 81 kg exact Paul Rudd weight Doesn't use social media Has no ant friends Asks permission before becoming ant size Shares his ant location 24×7 Calm and "understanding" about my father, the inventor of Raid

When I am in charge we are changing the national anthem to Foreigner's I Want To Know What Love Is.

"People talk about how much time it takes to train a computer to go potty in the toilet, but they don't talk about that same effort in terms of toddlers. I'm still wetting the bed at 40, for instance"

When I am in charge we are changing the national anthem to Foreigner's I Want To Know What Love Is.

Happy Birthday Zelda Is The Princess Link Is The Guy

Look, now that we're trying for real consequences for the Epstein files, maybe we should also take another look at the Panama Papers

“Prison would actually be better, because if you’re in prison, you get a sentence – they tell you how long you are going to be there.”

I'm a liberal socialist who doesn't think we need a military and also fuck this, pay people

I will only marry a man who is: Virgin Naturally Paul Rudd 5'10 perfect Paul Rudd height 81 kg exact Paul Rudd weight Doesn't use social media Has no ant friends Asks permission before becoming ant size Shares his ant location 24×7 Calm and "understanding" about my father, the inventor of Raid

Tony Kanal solo album that's just all Nickelback covers

Gonna come up with a Nobel Tariffs Prize and leave you hoes in the dust

You ever accidentally sit in on a No Kings meeting and have a room full of Republicans shocked to hear there are multiple ICE detention facilities while they watch you pack rapid response kits with phone numbers to the detention facilities or is your local Indivisible group not right wing

A Dem I don't know who hasn't been to a meeting in 10 years showed up to donate money and then explain to the rest of the room that he was a delegate for Clinton in '96 and I liked the money part

Oh I'm stealing all her music if I ever time travel. Even the annoying shit

i don’t have a credit but its from IG @queen_astraea

You don't got to hand it to Republicans, because one would assume a more than brief understanding of a subject is necessary to write public policy about it, but alas

Thank God we're finally memorializing Orbitz

Anything good on X will make its way to you naturally, you don't need to be there

Seven citizens were shot to death by the military in camps from 1942-1944. Another 1800 died over the course of five years. Japanese Americans received reparations for this and more. Y'all got reparations money? Because this operation doesn't need oversight, it needs to be shut down.

We don't have that much gerrymandering in a state with only one district. We have same-day voter registration so our turnout is always over 100% of registered voters. We also have out of state rich assholes and their illegal PACs. This is from four years ago:

If Aaron Sorkin is out there: - Sorry about that time we got in a flame war on the Television Without Pity message boards - Please don't waste your time making a SECOND Zuckerberg movie when these people clearly need a second everything else first

Joe Biden and Merrick Garland were just sitting on all of this. Harris shouldn't have lost to Trump bc he should have been in prison

so genuinely: uh, what was Merrick Garland doing with the Epstein files, given uh, it's brought down a royal and multiple Euro politicians/

Oh, so it's not so much that the military is building concentration camps, which is how it's previously been done. It's that it's a way to give evil companies more money.

Do you know how many times I've seen this movie and have not realized this is what's happening

"Very troubling about what's his name. Fear not, we shall still grace your fêtes!"

Second time I've seen this rationalization, on the other side of the country. Minnesota is moving center-right people to the center. No one wants a local Renee Good. They still don't give a shit about immigrants. This is hard to deal with. They won't speak up without the threat of violence.

I wonder if this is a plausible explanation for what happened at Cahokia. There weren't really environmental reasons for people leaving the city in droves, so archeologists are just guessing. Maybe the vibes were off because it was too popular.

This is quite a change from 1942 when states were competing for concentration camp contracts to create jobs

You hit yourself in the head to make your cheekbones look more sculpted. I hit myself in the head with a hammer because I am a cartoon wolf looking a beautiful nightclub singer. We are not the same.

Me, responding to a flurry of Slack messages at 8:30 p.m. during a blizzard: "In case I forget to give kudos at the next staff meeting, it's everyone involved with whatever this is right now"

He's lying. This man is who taught me how billionaires will look right through you as if you don't exist, even when you work for them. I was radicalized against billionaires by this man.

Rise of Skywalker

Yay, unexpected gifts in the mail!

Manufacturer I've purchased from since they were a start-up: We have a minimum purchase amount now Me: Ok, just hold my order until I need to order that much (I literally do not have the space) Manufacturer: Oh. Uhm. We'll break our own new rules JUST THIS ONE TIME. Me: Oh, ok. Wink.

It cuts out the part that explains why. We are all under this constraint now. If the mayor runs for re-election and we interview during the election season, we have to justify why it was news and not politics, or else interview every mayoral candidate at the parade and give them the same airtime

Fuck it we make the étoufée on hump day / blizzard incoming day

This is giving "BabaKiueria" levels of "world traveler"

The time remaining on their contracts is sold to someone else. The way Washington fired people reminds me of Lorne Michaels. However you can do it without having to be the one to do it.

People have been up my ass for not being a realist my whole life and now the “realists” are doing the goofiest, most unmoored from reality takes

I honestly had no idea that when politicians say "Trump's ICE needs to be abolished" they're not actually calling for ICE to be abolished. This is some real bullshit.

My favorite Washington "fact" is that he preferred white slaves for appearance's sake but didn't think they were as disciplined as his black slaves and often dismissed white servants for being too unkempt.

Me, watching a commercial for a Crohn's disease drug: ...do I have Crohn's disease?!?

you can't justify a trillion dollar market cap on shrimp jesus pics. you can justify it if it's the main tool insurance companies use to deny healthcare, or if it's the tool governments use to deny people benefits.

"Jobs that involve gathering information and providing responses" will be replaced by Ai Yeah, we know. We've seen chatbots. We don't like them. This is like a political party announcing Prohibition 2.0 as its only platform plank Good luck with your swan dive into oblivion