first in my bloodline to see someone get excommunicated by a community note

Look, the comeback for you keyboard warriors when someone in real life says "Biden did it" is "Yeah, and he didn't also have time to rape and traffick five year olds, your guy really is a wonder"

Because I don't want to get up and turn off the Bluetooth speaker in the other room, I disconnect Bluetooth entirely on my phone and wait until I can hear the speaker turn itself off in frustration to switch Bluetooth back on. Takes 15 minutes. I could just move

Just endured grandma calling me "he" the entire time I helped her granddaughter try on helmets. She did not talk to me directly. I work retail to remind myself that there are people who deserve the mystery of spontaneous human combustion

"why do you like living in a small town" because when the employees at the local Hardee's decided to overthrow the entire establishment it was the only thing happening and the only thing you wanted happening

🎶 Jesus loves a big ol' fivehead 🎶 All the skull shapes of the world

"Kacey Musgraves says aliens followed her plane" Kacey Musgraves does lots of drugs and sings about it, also "She has photos" Who doesn't

The Pope, railing against American despotism on Twitter, The Despot Depot™: PUT A HASHTAG ON "PEACE" MAYBE IT WILL HELP THE ALGORITHM

you wife has been miniaturized. the worst part? she'd rather live in a forest with a grizzly bear than you

Only now do I want a Melania documentary, the one where she has a meltdown because of the other documentary

"but did you consider...." yes i made this one too don't worry.

Republicans are using your tax money to oppress you Good morning but I woke up thinking "Where's our fucking money" how about you

Free screening this weekend! Or you can watch it on the interwebs

For those of us who never used all of our Bluesky invite codes before they went away, they should be turned into uninvite codes where we can delete accounts of our choice

“ 'It is time for the public and media to focus on her incredible achievements as First Lady, the lives she has positively impacted, and her commitment to our nation,' senior adviser Marc Beckman said. ” Marc... Marc are you under the impression you work for Lady Bird Johnson

I have a perfect idea for fixing and funding this app simultaneously: make each reply cost $1, to be refunded when it is liked by the OP.

Were all foods meant to be waffled? Discuss

Do you you think VP Deli Slice knows his party killed the middle class way before they proposed bringing back desegregation

I do be lost sometimes…😅 “How rap music sounds after turning 40”

Ok sure, you guys all just knew what the Avignon Papacy was I'm going back to Tumblr where there's still porn

LOL. LMFAO, even

no way the guy that has been lying for years about having an editor is using the lies machine instead of hiring an animator shockeroo

welcome to vegan kitchen this is the traditional italian dish carbonara made out of pork, cheese, and egg, three things we famously do not eat here at vegan kitchen So today we're using mushrooms, cashews, and mashed banana to prove we're normal

A really fucked up way to make carbonara would be to substitute the egg yolk with applesauce

Well, if anyone is familiar and tired of fascism, it's the Spanish

Good morning from the JAMES BALDWIN TOLD NO LIES committee, unsurprisingly we are unmoved from our premise

i mean it's because tucker carlson is smart enough to know he also lives here, though

Can you imagine if Congress gets to return to session and immediately files articles of impeachment actually and then Democrats fuck it up Because I can

Computers would shrug if they could

Remember when we kicked Russia out of all sports organizations and took all of their assets and all of that? Feels like that should be happening to us

I have these images saved on my phone from 2019. oh boy did we not know how bad it’d get

The Artemis II crew returning to tell us how incredible the moon looks from the other side:

Facebook reminded me of this Internet Hippo post from last April 6th, which apparently the Internet Hippo has deleted.

Oh good so I'm not the only one who sat here staring at her computer wondering what it was I was supposed to be doing and what I was doing was forgetting to connect to the Zoom meeting and then I left the room

the vibes may be fucked today but you can still take two photos of the same bird with different lenses. nobody is stopping you

it was a real bad week to not be able to afford to go home and see my family one last time, is what i'm saying

i mean it's because tucker carlson is smart enough to know he also lives here, though

Might blow off work today so I can increase the chances I die at a failing Red Lobster during endless shrimp fest

Historians are able to judge because normal people wrote things down, too. Please buy a notebook and fill it with all the things you love and the shit you can't change because your neighbor voted Trump. Make historical context well documented again 🤟

I live in this Lifetime movie now, they are both widowed and run a lighthouse together and there are never any real problems and there's songs I like and maybe Janelle James is their neighbor, their lighthouse neighbor, maybe secretly she's mothman, you can't stop me today

Some of you spend all day upset at what the President tweets Me, I am incandescently furious I can't time travel and cast Katherine Hepburn as Yoda

At least my husband is gonna die golfing with friends this week. Some of us are going to die at work. Bummer! #HopeThisCountryDiesBeforeWeHaveToGoToIts250BirthdayParty

I saw a lot of Americans post about what they'd do if they were Israeli and opposed genocide. Guess nows your chance to show us.

I have now heard "likes don't do anything!!" three different traditional ways on this app Y'all get reblogs when y'all pass peer review, get your shit together

Grifters, you get blocked first, welcome to Bluesky

The list is called Dance Party Takes Away Waco, if you care. Please suggest additions in the form of fun accounts to follow that don't shill