my therapist said this to me and it hit me like a brick "you can't go around hitting people with bricks"

Nothing like losing $250 in cash 🙃🙃🙃🙃

If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and convince Trump's mother to get an abortion. Let her know he is not worth pushing through the birth canal

White people want to say the N word more than they want to say the word "racism" lol

There's something so lovely about Japanese curry and rice

Having a Republican partner in this day and age is a form of self-hatred, I'm convinced

We don't call people "wack lugnuts" often enough

The worm in RFK Jr's head:

I am marrying the first individual who brings me a giant waffle in the morning, unprompted

Finding out Trump's sassiness/ pettiness comes from the fact that he was directly influenced by a constantly scheming, basically evil, twink lawyer with a thirst for power make things make sooooooooo much more sense now.

Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence theonion.com/wealthy...

As a woman, be a menace first. Ask questions later or never.

You can lead a man to knowledge, but you cannot make him think 💀

made myself a sandwich and it was MID, I'm so fucking devastated right now, man

I lost so much weight, I went from a C cup, to a B cup. How do I gain my boobs back

Trans people have always, and will always, be people I admire, respect, and am happy to befriend and associate with. Trans people are not your enemies.

Don’t buy stuff on February 28. Money’s the only thing these dicks understand. #resist

Hello, I just took on a new unavoidable expense, so if any of y'all have rich uncles that like to pay pretty women to talk to them, hmu

Y'ALL I NEED GOOD VIBES FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS, OKAY?? OKAY.

The thing about running the federal government like a software startup is that most software startups fail www.wired.com/story/the-us...

Hey, can things make sense for just a second? Just wondering, no worries if not!!!!

If you're in D.C and would like to laugh instead of being in tears like we've all been these past two weeks, get your tickets to the Yes Queen show!

The CIA and FBI are evil organizations responsible for incomprehensible misery domestically and abroad and if they can’t deploy some of that evil to save their own skins one wonders what the point of it all was

"I'm just lazy" well stop it.

Having the flu really fucking humbles you, because it feels like you're not in charge of your body. You just have to take a bunch of meds and bedrot 😭

Being an alcoholic is bad but being a sober person who simply sucks is worse

"Facebook is where all the old people are!!" Noooo.. that is NextDoor

Lambo the Loaf:

Little Miss Sascha

I'm so stressed out 🙂

Hello from Lambo

Hanging out with three white guys. Feels like I'm on Pod Save America.

Getting an abortion does NOT make you a bad person, but trying to stop someone else from getting one DOES.

Getting increasingly uncomfortable with the price of potato chips

We use to be a proper country (lol jk, we were never proper)

I love men with long hair but unfortunately, they're psychotic

I am attending a dog's birthday party this evening. What do I wear??

I am absolutely fine with the idea of hanging up on stupid people

I would absolutely love to take a nap but you know... My brain said no

Current bookpile:

"Obviously your boobs are fake!" Obviously they're not, but thanks for thinking you think I have that kind of money lying around

Saw this on Twitter:

Current lockscreen since December:

Sooooo do I like, go scorched earth with the rest of my social media or what

Hello! Wondering if I could ask for a bit of assistance... I am having to get a new vehicle, as my old one has suffered with an overheated engine. Problem is, I need to get tags and registration up to date this weekend, so I can buy my new vehicle. I'm about $275 short. Any moots able to help?

Local man deletes all social media to "take a break from it all"- not because pending sexual assault allegations are about to come out publicly

Hello Kitty nuke

I'd never do a gender reveal. just a vibes check

Fergie should have been the one to sing at the inauguration, it's what we as a country deserve

i support a mans right to shut the fuck up