I learned how to give neck massages. Now accepting marriage proposals.

I dreamt about making out with a hot, bearish stranger and now it’s all I can think about. Send help. And hot, bearish strangers.

I want to flood your guts like this

Hi I’m horny and stuck in a meeting. Send help. Preferably under my desk.

“Sir, don’t make me call Bear Protective Services on you.”

Finally watched Zootopia 2. Forgot how hot these tigers are. 🥵🫠

Only in SF do you get a heat advisory when it’s 59 degrees out

Facts!

Me finding a photo of my ex’s penis: ah, we had good times, you and me

Girl, same.

🎵 laaaaaast #humpday, I have you my butt… the very next day, you gave it away… 🎵

All you guys posting shirtless pics from bed in the winter clearly have your thermostat set too high.

O/H: it’s not trauma dumping, it’s lore building.

Ah the challenges of loving big boys.

We need a secret word or something. Let’s change this please.

Organizations out there invoking their mandates when all I want is to invoke a MAN DATE.

I got a stripped screw out on my own. Plz clap.

OH: men aren’t designed any better. Who puts an amusement park in a sewage treatment facility?

Them: omg what’s WRONG with you? Me:

My roommate to his mom: “You should watch The Traitors UK because it’s hosted by Claudia Winkleman. She has _bangs_.”

I think I finally figured out my goal for 2026. I'm going to lean into the "wholesome cringe". If someone does something nice for me, if someone deserves recognition or praise, fuck the cringe. I'm gonna say it. Tell your friends they're worth it. Tell your friends you love them. Embrace cringe.

My last job was in health tech and one thing that became very clear was that every single company in the industry is eager and desperate for your health data. Do not give it to them. Do not let your doctor give it to them.

No one: My friends:

My parents know me too well.

The energy I’m met with every time I open this app.

I think my friends know me too well.

My mantra for 2026. I’m tired of belittling myself so others don’t get uncomfortable facing reality.

Scrolling the apps I found this gem. The fuck?

I’m so tired of dating emotionally unavailable men. Everyone is on their own path but… where are the men who are capable of deep vulnerability and intimacy and self-reflection?

Wanted: A man to tug at my heartstrings, in addition to tugging on my penis.

Repost if you too thought this was a Legends of the Hidden Temple documentary.

Wishmaster but it’s AI

I deleted Scruff and suddenly see why people play Wordle.

Bear dad bottoms make the world go around

Achievement unlocked: boyfriend and I got stoned together and each ordered the same custom pizza. Without consulting each other.

Me, years late to the party: holy shit DeadEndia volume 2 slaps.

Just disgusting and amoral. All those innocent lives that were lost deserve better than this cowardly act, but their memories shall never be erased. ♥️

This is not okay. If Bluesky is going to suspend the people hurt by JKR’s views, they better suspend JKR for her views too. Otherwise this is once again the system keeping status quo for those in power, and doing nothing to protect minorities.

Adulting be like

Them: what are you looking for? Me:

link to the petition: chng.it/5T6YZkNszz link to the bill: www.congress.gov/bill/119th-c...

Payment Processors are ruining NSFW creators, Let's talk about it. #SaveSpeech #Freetheinternet #mastercard #visa

Me to my sex toys after jo without them:

Who all am I seeing at Gen Con?

Just a reminder, when someone tells you they don't drink, the proper response is to say "cool," and move the fuck on. Asking someone why they don't drink is actually really, really tacky. It's so easy to simply support someone's decision for sobriety. Don't question it. It's not your business.

Me: what’d you call me!? BF: well you have one of the two, so…

Feeling like Mr Rogers as I take off my outdoor hoodie to put on my indoor hoodie.

Been asking this question quite a lot lately. If this wasn't the line, what the fuck is? aftermath.site/twitter-elon...

Go follow my friend he posts great stuff. @gremeleon.bsky.social

Go check out my friend’s stuff it’s neat. tismbearsews.com