ICE Agent Injured After Repeatedly Trying To Detain People In Neighborhood Mural https://theonion.com/ice-agent-injured-after-repeatedly-trying-to-detain-people-in-neighborhood-mural/

🐾Thumbs🐾

God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To Leave https://theonion.com/god-admits-he-no-longer-loves-humanity-but-is-too-afraid-to-leave/

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

This local Wolfdog joined an Olympic ski event and triggered the finish-line camera. This is Nazgul. He snuck into a cross-country skiing sprint this morning and raced the homestretch with some competitors before being escorted home. 14/10 someone get him a medal

Pam Bondi Thought That Went Pretty Well

Trump Still Polling Well With Working-Class American Pedophiles https://theonion.com/trump-still-polling-well-with-working-class-american-pedophiles/

He's short and smells like moss

Trump Defends Racist Video As Racist

AI Chatbot That Only Responds ‘Huh’ Valued At $200 Billion https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion/

it's not like I was hurting anybody...

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary

Report: Fighting Rising Tide Of Authoritarianism Sounds Like A Lot Of Work https://theonion.com/report-fighting-rising-tide-of-authoritarianism-sounds-1841390886/

Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants https://theonion.com/democrats-condemn-ice-for-murdering-without-proper-warrants/

Read it, don't skip

“It was a simpler time then, back when all people wanted to talk about was the leader of the country molesting underage girls,” said Denver resident Scott Munoz

Opinion | I’m a Republican senator. If I don’t stand back and let Donald Trump destroy NATO, I’ll be primaried by someone who also lets him destroy NATO but actually thinks that’s a good thing.

runner gote #commission for @eliparham.bsky.social :3 #furry #furryart #commissionsopen

Stephen Miller Reminds Picky-Eater Son That There Starving Kids In Basement https://theonion.com/stephen-miller-reminds-picky-eater-son-that-there-starving-kids-in-basement/

Sort of a last minute decision to go to @furcon.bsky.social but I had a really great time! I always know it's a good con when the PCD hits a solid 36 hours before I leave.

‘This Face Will Be The Last Thing You See Before You Die,’ Says Trump In Healing Address To Nation https://theonion.com/this-face-will-be-the-last-thing-you-see-before-you-di-1843888214/

🦁: Najani (~proudlioness on FA)

an extremely handsome goat for @jubilations.bsky.social

ff9 freya

GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

It's time!! Anthro SoCal 2026 will be happening September 18-20th at the Ontario Convention Center in Ontario, California! This year's theme is BEAST BRAWL: PRIMAL FURY. Ready for round 1? More information to come!! 💙 #ASC2026

Look at this absolute queen

Every time I see people insisting that Gavin Newsom will be the Democratic nominee for President in three years I just think of the fact that Cuomo was the presumptive nominee for NYC mayor before Mamdani trounced his ass twice.

Political Profile: Gregory Bovino https://theonion.com/political-profile-gregory-bovino/

‘Washington Post’ Publishes Editorial Defending FBI Raid On Its Reporter https://theonion.com/washington-post-publishes-editorial-defending-fbi-raid-on-its-reporter/

Conservatives Say Renée Good Was Brainwashed By Bible Into Loving Thy Neighbor https://theonion.com/conservatives-say-renee-good-was-brainwashed-by-bible-into-loving-thy-neighbor/

“In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure the extrajudicial killing of all U.S. citizens at the hands of ICE officers,” said Republican National Committee chair Joe Gruters

My face when my coffee is done brewing, and I just know it's gonna be a good day... 🎨: @waywardmutt.art

X Users Ask Grok To Put More Clothes On Elon Musk Pictures https://theonion.com/x-users-ask-grok-to-put-more-clothes-on-elon-musk-pictures/

“We have traveled south to the White House steps to present you with these three Kayleighs,” said Fox Corporation CEO Lachlan Murdoch

We've removed the paywall from this guide so everyone can access it. 👇 Stay safe.

Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement https://theonion.com/insecure-frustrated-bully-with-something-to-prove-cons-1819575405/

Trump Pulls U.S. Out Of House Hunters International https://theonion.com/trump-pulls-u-s-out-of-house-hunters-international/

DHS Warns Any Action By Americans Will Be Treated As Domestic Terrorism https://theonion.com/dhs-warns-any-action-by-americans-will-be-treated-as-domestic-terrorism/

ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary

Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’

137 More Oil Wells Liberated For Democracy https://theonion.com/137-more-oil-wells-liberated-for-democracy-1819566812/

doggy blues

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’

Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/

I'm hardly original in saying this, but a lot of people are going to try to make this about whether Maduro being gone is good or bad as such, rather than the blatant violation of international and US law in a destabilizing act of aggression. Don't fall for it.