We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto

Real Estate: Never Mind, It’s An Airbnb Now

Trump Escalates Feud With Unclear Adversary By Posting AI Video Of Self Fucking Basketball https://theonion.com/trump-escalates-feud-with-unclear-adversary-by-posting-ai-video-of-self-fucking-basketball/

I'm curious about the box office numbers for Zootopia in Canada. And it's real: www.eventbrite.ca/e/zootopia-a...

Forever With You - oil on canvas

American Psycho

Seriously, people. Stop fucking spreading this hopium. Work on organizing and getting people to vote, not praying that people in our current admin have grow a spine.

Usha Vance Catches Husband Measuring Her Skull Again

🚩 HOW TO ORGANIZE IN THE FURRY FANDOM 🚩 Video now live at youtu.be/UcxQ2CY5zdg Full slideshow and notes at www.notion.so/Talk-Notes-H...

Seashells Transform Suburban Bathroom Into Tropical Hideaway https://theonion.com/seashells-transform-suburban-bathroom-into-tropical-hid-1819571584/

Pam Bondi: ‘What Is The DOJ Hiding?’ https://theonion.com/pam-bondi-what-is-the-doj-hiding/

Study: 97% Of All Sounds Infuriating https://theonion.com/study-97-of-all-sounds-infuriating/

Trump Weighs Deploying 340 Million More U.S. Troops To Middle East

White House IT Guy Sends Out Reminder Memo About Child Porn https://theonion.com/white-house-it-guy-sends-out-reminder-memo-about-child-porn/

Economists Warn That Even Their Friend’s Son Who Went To Business School Can’t Find A Job http://theonion.com/economists-warn-that-even-their-friends-son-who-went-to-business-school-cant-find-a-job/

Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel https://theonion.com/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/

“The United States contributes far more to worldwide suffering than any of our so-called ‘allies’ in NATO, and it’s high time these other countries started stepping up to the plate,” said the commander-in-chief

“These terrible places must stop overcharging Americans every time they put fuel in their car, or I will have no choice but to unleash a massive bombing campaign against them,” Trump said during a White House press briefing

Nation Doesn’t Have Anything Left To Enjoy Once Scented Candle Burns Out https://theonion.com/nation-doesn-t-have-anything-left-to-enjoy-once-scented-1847739531/

✨✨SEASON 4 COMING OUT MARCH 20TH! ✨✨ Yes! You read that right! Season 4 comes out tomorrow! You guys will love this new season! We can't wait to show you! 😸

tossing dog

Blaidd

FBI Agents Watch In Silence As Kash Patel Gets Ass Kicked By UFC Fighter https://theonion.com/fbi-agents-watch-in-silence-as-kash-patel-gets-ass-kicked-by-ufc-fighter/

Trump Beefs Up Security Presence After Frighteningly Close Brush With JD Vance https://theonion.com/trump-beefs-up-security-presence-after-frighteningly-close-brush-with-jd-vance/

you right now probably

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’ https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-after-trump-screams-fuck-im-dying/

Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are https://theonion.com/trump-mitch-mcconnell-clash-in-oval-office-over-where-they-are/

MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Prices https://theonion.com/maga-voter-claims-she-loves-high-gas-prices/

Kristi Noem Reassigned To Scarecrow Role At USDA https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-reassigned-to-scarecrow-role-at-usda/

ICE Agent Injured After Repeatedly Trying To Detain People In Neighborhood Mural https://theonion.com/ice-agent-injured-after-repeatedly-trying-to-detain-people-in-neighborhood-mural/

🐾Thumbs🐾

God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To Leave https://theonion.com/god-admits-he-no-longer-loves-humanity-but-is-too-afraid-to-leave/

Trump Suffers Setback Unrelated To Child Rape

This local Wolfdog joined an Olympic ski event and triggered the finish-line camera. This is Nazgul. He snuck into a cross-country skiing sprint this morning and raced the homestretch with some competitors before being escorted home. 14/10 someone get him a medal

Pam Bondi Thought That Went Pretty Well

Trump Still Polling Well With Working-Class American Pedophiles https://theonion.com/trump-still-polling-well-with-working-class-american-pedophiles/

He's short and smells like moss

Trump Defends Racist Video As Racist

AI Chatbot That Only Responds ‘Huh’ Valued At $200 Billion https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion/

it's not like I was hurting anybody...

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary

Report: Fighting Rising Tide Of Authoritarianism Sounds Like A Lot Of Work https://theonion.com/report-fighting-rising-tide-of-authoritarianism-sounds-1841390886/

Democrats Condemn ICE For Murdering Without Proper Warrants https://theonion.com/democrats-condemn-ice-for-murdering-without-proper-warrants/