We have a deal. theonion.com/at-long-last...

Here is Why I’m Sending Issues of ‘The Onion’ To Every Member Of Congress. Click here to read The Onion’s open letter to Congress: theonion.com/letter-to-co...

I have sent a copy of ‘The Onion’ to every member of Congress. To spread its message to less powerful people, I have also taken out an ad in a lesser newspaper. Read my full letter here: theonion.com/why-im-sendi...

The InfoWars assets remain in limbo. Everything is now in doubt and everyone is worse off than before. In short, it is the kind of world we at Global Tetrahedron have always envisioned. theonion.com/a-message-of...

A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron @globaltetrahedron.bsky.social: theonion.com/a-message-of...

We’re always bunkmates at the annual Bilderberg Meeting.

Great guy!

Wait, they’re still on the board? I thought I had them killed.

Accusations of an improper workplace relationship between us are misleading.

This guy is godfather to my youngest blood boy.

He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s getting fired tomorrow.

We've done so much blow together.

Meet The Board Of Global Tetrahedron: Bryce Tetraeder - The CEO, chairman, media proprietor, entrepreneur, human trafficker, thought leader, and venture capitalist responsible for overseeing Global Tetrahedron’s transition from a mere multinational conglomerate into a truly interglobal empire.

Just got to the studio. Podcasting mic all chewed up. Disgusting.

Please stop DMing me. I already have wives.

Global Tetrahedron is committed to silencing all voices.

Redundant InfoWars employees will be laid off with a humane 25-gram cocktail of Brain Force and pentobarbital.

To all the pathetic reporters asking: I am not available for comment as I am currently submerged in an adrenochrome fountain.

Any muscle mass or male sex hormones previously derived from SuperMale Vitality will be rendered inactive on December 1.

It has been a pleasure working with members of the Deep State, the global cabal of elites, and the United States shadow government to close this deal.

Infinite Growth Forever: global-tetrahedron.com

Read my full letter here: theonion.com/heres-why-i-...

Put simply, we understand that The Onion is special, and Global Tetrahedron’s entire executive team is dedicated to extracting all the value we can from that specialness.