Adam Nuttesac
@cigaregrets.bsky.social
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š„ 156
š 186
fuccboi ferris bueller
https://www.instagram.com/henryjai.png
I must be getting old cause Iām seeing videos of some of the people running for congress these days and Iām like why they kinda bad tho
8 days ago
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As John Fogerty once said, Big wheels keep on toynen Proud Mary keep on boynion
10 days ago
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on my date last night I tried to do that cute thing where you blow the paper wrapping from the plastic straw at somebody but I did the wrong end and shot the straw right into her eye and scratched her cornea š
24 days ago
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the national guard showed up to Chicago looking like they unsuccessfully tried to Captain America Kyle Rittenhouse
29 days ago
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Sabrina Carpenter: My lips are so sweet you might lose your tongue š Chappel Roan: My pussy is an ogreās foot š¹
about 2 months ago
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Literally every single time I hear somebody use the phrase āchomping at the bitā this fuckin guy pops into my head
about 2 months ago
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My dad was a thought leader and my mom was a sex worker so please forgive me for thinking with my dick
about 2 months ago
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Men are simple creatures, we only really want three things: French Fries, Criterion Closet, Posu'gelka-pattern needler from Halo with Subanese Crystalline Shards
about 2 months ago
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Moms will be like āHeard this the other day, I think youāll really like itā and itās The Scientist by Coldplay
about 2 months ago
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prank show where you break into peoples houses with a high pressure power washer and just start blastinā
about 2 months ago
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The evolution of the modern āKarenābegan in 1970 when Joni Mitchell released āBig Yellow Taxiā and no I will not elaborate at this time
about 2 months ago
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Iām gonna hold off on saying anything about todayās events until I am absolutely sure Trump isnāt planning on building his own Robocop
about 2 months ago
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Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is just Se7en for kids
about 2 months ago
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Joe Camel punched me in the throat outside of a bar in Louisville, Kentucky after I beat him in a game of darts. Have you ever seen a camel with grey hair? Dude looked strange.
2 months ago
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my uber driver just waited for me to get in, looked at me, sighed, and then stuck a ābaby on boardā sticker on his rear windshield????
2 months ago
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Thereās no way he put Eminem down at number six!!!
2 months ago
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bro said fire in the hole
2 months ago
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Mark Buffalo
2 months ago
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playfully snapped my mouth shut at the Dentist like Richard Gere with that jewellery box in Pretty Women and accidentally bit the tip of his dick off š
2 months ago
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there is a nonzero chance that Sydney Sweeney becomes this generations John Wilkes Booth
3 months ago
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how an āI have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to youā mfr looks at you after you beat his fucking dog to death in a public park
3 months ago
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I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!! The government continues to send its agents and intimidators in feeble attempts to wipe me out but I continue to fight them off!! I HAVE A VISION FOR THE FUTURE AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE SEEN IT COME TO FRUITION
#feminism
3 months ago
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I think my cat is looksmaxxing cause he wonāt stop mewing
3 months ago
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
austin_walker
4 months ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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Iām a professional screenwriter who works in television. People donāt realise that my job is 85% pitching new ideas or reworking existing IP. Below are some of the pitches Iāve worked on in the last few years. Most never see the light of day, but there may be some you recogniseā¦.
4 months ago
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NPR & WBEZ need all the help they can get right now and thatās why Iām going in today to donate my blood
4 months ago
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when youāre too hungover to operate in any meaningful way and u just end up on YouTube watching assets
5 months ago
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āThings were relatively quiet last night,ā reports Mayor of Exploding City That Explodes Every Day, while stamping out a firecracker.
5 months ago
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cars should have two horns- one normal one at the front and another much louder one at the back that you can blast to tell the person behind you to shut the fuck up
5 months ago
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
babaluigi
5 months ago
Patrick is absolutely Muslim. SpongeBob is Jewish. Piccolo or whatever the squid is called is Protestant, perhaps Methodist. The squirrel is a high ranking member of the Scientology sea org
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My sonās barbershop quartet The Crooning Gooners will be performing in various gymnasiums and parks in the tri state area. Message me for tickets or hiring fees!
5 months ago
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
inkedupandsonic
5 months ago
[handing out party poppers at the office party] coworker: these are tampons me: if these are here then..OMG my wife at home: [screams]
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Hey guys my grandmother just passed and we found this kitten in her attic. The house was left to me, but I donāt think I have the time to take care of a pet right now. Especially after what we found in the basement. Looking for a good home!
5 months ago
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āpractice your kegelsā uuuuhhh, you mean taint mewing? no thanks
5 months ago
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i donāt know how to explain it but i feel like if i were a dog i wouldnāt be afraid of fireworks wtf is that all about
5 months ago
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can somebody tell me why the fuck itās called a restroom if youāre not allowed to nap in there???
6 months ago
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went to a Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning premiere earlier and as we were leaving Tom Cruise stood by the exit and snapped the stuck popcorn kernels out of everybodyās teeth with his tongue like a frog or a chameleon or something
6 months ago
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
Vic Michaelis
6 months ago
Dogs are boys cats are girls birds are elderly women with short haircuts and nothing left to lose
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
disc horse bot
6 months ago
I'm here you fuckaas bitch
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is edging still cool? turns out iāve been edging every girl iāve ever been with
6 months ago
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i like to airdrop this image to nearby cars every time iām stopped for too long at a red light
6 months ago
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aura farming at the animal hospital by begging them to bring my bergamasco shepherd back to life
6 months ago
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i was listening to colin stetson in the drive thru car wash when i saw the face of god
7 months ago
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had a dream i was eating hot dogs with billy ray cyrus. he asked me how my relationship was with my daughter before a full hot dog slid silently out of his mouth onto the ground. he didnāt seem to notice until a dog came over and started lapping it up. then he farted and tried to blame it on the dog
7 months ago
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i keep debussy wet call me Clair De Lube
7 months ago
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old white women are so good at yelling at hospitality working cause they necks all look like bagpipes
7 months ago
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tonight iām gonna be smoking fatty resin bowls and responding to peopleās close friends instagram stories with āyo! send me this ha haā
7 months ago
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reposted by
Adam Nuttesac
slop enjoyer
7 months ago
[weirdest guy you knew in high school] welcome to the castle of count von jerkenstein! haha just kidding thanks for coming over man, my parents are out of town but thereās some beer in the fridge in the garage. have you seen entourage?
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take her back to my place and put on chive tv
7 months ago
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thinkin bout the unbelievably homoerotic poster for 2010ās animated/live action hybrid Yogi Bear 3D
7 months ago
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