This is the reason for the season.

You can tell year-end wrap ups have jumped the shark by the fact that I just got one from the project management software I use for one client.

"Lick my love pump" had me laughing so hard when I first rented Spinal Tap that it woke up my mother upstairs.

I was at this and it was a beautiful evening.

Toothpick guy!

Annual reminder: Die Hard is about using impossibly limited resources to defend a tower from foreign invaders. Die Hard is a Hanukkah movie.

Fucking quitter.

“When my wife told me she’d never been wet down there, I didn’t realize it was my responsibility to get her there.”

Quiet, Piggy.

Watch him deny that he's seen the photos.

Tonight's Monday Night Football game is Cowboys vs. Raiders, because the NFL wants to believe it's 1978.

It didn't even get to the performance of "Puttin' on the Ritz."

I recommend having a Jewish mother.

Big, tough, manly men can't handle a little snow. Fucking wimps.

"My condolences on your loss. Here. Get high."

Aikman just said that Barkley found the “backside hole.” Obligatory joke about @jefito.com’s mom.

People who throw and attend "Great Gatsby" parties apparently don't know how the book or era ended.

Dick Cheney pushed America to embrace torture and extrajudicial imprisonment, and normalized using Federal power to attack political enemies. The modern Republican party sits directly upon the overtly partisan, anti-truth, anti-law structures he built. He was a terrible, destructive VP. Bye Dick.

Not sure how many Cheney obits will mention this murderous legacy of his.

During Cheney's tenure as Secretary of Defense, he closed a bunch of military bases due to the end of the Cold War. They were all in Democratic districts because he knew it would negatively impact their economy and therefore hurt the Dems electorally.

I know -- another Substack? If you're so inclined, here is my first post: open.substack.com/pub/billjano...

“Yes, I received the thing I asked you to fix and send. However, I’m not at my desk right now, but 10 feet away on my couch. I will get to it as soon as I am done dicking around on my phone.”

I can't wait until he refuses to pay them.

My city.

Today, the latest installment of "Very Rich, Very Stupid People Never Learn From Previous Attempts to Create Multimedia Conglomerates."

Finishing the job the British started on Aug. 24, 1814.

Sigh, but it needs to be done.

This was literally also Charles Manson's intent.

Imagine if a woman president went off about every picture of herself she didn’t like. “Hysterical.” “Emotional.” “PMSing.” “Petty bitch.”

A reminder that WGN is owned by Nexstar, so they got what they wanted.

Or whatever it is that causes their pitchers to throw as many middle-middle pitches as possible

Duh.

He’s gonna charge $5 for a $1 coin and he’ll still lose money on the deal.

Not for nothing, but the pop-up to end the game was in roughly the same spot where Nettles made the catch to end the game exactly 47 years ago. And it was a Jewish holiday that day, too.

I want to become even fatter so there is more of my body with which I can hate the Red Sox.

"Not only are we declaring war on Americans, we're going to commit war crimes."

I think there’s some grey area as to whether this is an acceptable word.

Nothing like a guy who has basically won at life saying, "Fuck all the haters."

In the locker room at halftime: Pickford: Sorry, coach. I should’ve kept my legs closed. Moyes: Your mother should’ve kept her legs closed.

Honestly, if there's one place within the city limits of Chicago where the local demographic wouldn't do this, it's Norwood Park.

Maybe Don Jr. is pulling the strings...

Ta-Nehisi, of course.

The street outside Bob Newhart’s fictional condo building from his eponymous show has been officially dubbed “Bob Newhart Way.” blockclubchi.co/3HOmOSv

Everybody is a liar except for the person who's paid out millions to settle claims of fraud.

"I'm asking you to pray because I sure as shit won't do it."

Well, the cell block of accused murderers in a women’s prison receives a new inmate whose luck turns when she’s represented by a lawyer who understands the system and . . . oh.

Still a better lyric than "Ode to a Koala Bear," though.

JB please go all Meigs Field bulldozer on all highways from the north shore

Hey, Federal Troops! Welcome to Chicago! Make sure while here to enjoy at meal at the Wiener's Circle, where they will welcome you with classic Midwestern hospitality.