You’ve heard of elf on the shelf, but have you ever heard of using your fuckin’ blinker?

Quoting a famous poet: "A clown fiesta"

None of my ducks are in a row They are penguins They are at a rave

Quoth the Raven: “This shit is bananas”

I just had to sit in my car after that appointment a cry a bit There is no way this lady wasn’t sent to me by my nana. I miss her everyday but this feels a little bit like I’ve gotten a piece back and that’s hard because I’m meant to stay professional

LORD HAVE MERCY FIST ME DOLORES

why was heimer even w/ his opp anyway

Good bean juice Taste like chocolate Make me go fast

Maybe he’s born with it Maybe it’s the 40mph Kansas wind

Favorite Ice Type ❄️🧊

The amount of brain rot that I have is generational

I don’t who needs to hear this but consent is a bare minimum of human decency and if you don’t follow that rule I’ll tie you to a chair and s***t you in the knees

A bit of lore I’m kind of shy about: In middle school, they called me Timenim because I’m like… strangely good at rapping ig? All my college friends loved it though. I was a hit at parties. 😂 Anyway, if you’re curious, reply to this w a # and I’ll tell you a song from my list of 250 I can do!

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Star Wars, Star Trek, LOTR, or Marvel

Theories are just boneless fanfiction

I don’t know if it’s just my light sensitivity or what but why some days does the sun feel like a beaming, blinding death ray?

A bit of lore I’m kind of shy about: In middle school, they called me Timenim because I’m like… strangely good at rapping ig? All my college friends loved it though. I was a hit at parties. 😂 Anyway, if you’re curious, reply to this w a # and I’ll tell you a song from my list of 250 I can do!

This may be a diabolical take, but if you’ve got a baby on board sticker plastered on your car, maybe you shouldn’t be on your phone bobbing and weaving through traffic like you’re running from the cops

Me pretending to be surprised when hip-hop gets my top genre for the eleventy billionth time

Finally had to have the “no I promise I genuinely want to live” conversation with my manager after an inconvenience had me swearing about putting a fork in an electrical socket

I am almost 30 GAHTDAYUM years old I still sing the abcs to myself when alphabetizing sources for a paper 😂💀

Forgot to post about it yesterday But incredibly based snow on December 1 Winter isn’t just coming it has kicked in the feckin door lmao

wallowing in self pity, as a treat

THAT’S MY FECKIN WIFE CHAT GOD I LOVE SAYING IT IM SO BLESSED

“Have you tried not being sick?” Me: Hold on, let me write that down.

As you wish.

I wish I could go back in time and tell little 13 year old Mothy that one day we WOULD find someone who would love us the way we deserved to be loved. A massive I love you and thank you to my now wonderful WIFE @asterianbeauty.bsky.social 💕🥰🫶🏼 I’ll remember this Thanksgiving forever.

To quote the timeless @moonblastx.bsky.social Work has been an absolute “clown fiesta” today. What is it about the holidays man?!

Amazing that a TikTok edit of 2005 Batista winning the world title could bring back my obsession of this no-skip banger of an album

It’s the feckin chokehold that The Glitch Mob continues to have on my brain for me

@surrasauce.bsky.social @kylasaurusx.bsky.social

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold

Seeing a selfie trend of all my incredibly fine mutuals when I look like a disheveled mountain man

i listen to the voice of the universe and i’m not sorry

If you see this, post your getaway vehicle

Me rn

Pokemon that I’d love people to associate with me

✨ Currently I’m: ✨ Reading: Alchemised by SeLinYu Gaming: FC26 and Pokemon Legends Z-A Watching: Archer, DanDaDan Listening: Whatever the Kentucky fried fuck my shuffle decides Drinking: body armor Missing: the feckin mocha java chiller from Sonic Feeling: Tired Repost and add your own!

I was supposed to drop some stuff off at a marina for a client of mine and now I’m fecking lost and they’re not answering chat do I just drive off the pier

WAH-WOH

Hello darkness, my old friend Why are you here, it’s 4pm

She is correct I could fucking power a city grid with my stress levels

Before I agree to 2026, I’m getting out the magnifying glass and reading the terms and conditions

Not to be flirty or anything but I would’ve chosen y’all in a game of duck-duck-goose

I struggle sleeping a lot and as a kid I had a sleep apnea diagnosis and a cpap machine. As an adult now I still struggle with sleep so decided to get retested and ???? It’s gone??? But how, when I still struggle with sleep? I’m frustrated and confused.

Vertigo? More like vertiGONE

Not to be flirty or anything but I would’ve chosen y’all in a game of duck-duck-goose

Life is a soup Except that is a lie It is vinegar And I am a drowned fly