Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule. 1. Quick Homer Simpson impression 2. Learn about bushcraft 3. Watch silly British comedy 4. Remove weeds in garden 5. Begin making coffee flavoured bread D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Hoe, Latte dough.

Think I can say this now #AVFC

#AVFC I'm obviously as happy as we all are; but most importantly the table is now in alphabetical order (a bit) - we're in 2nd and Wolves are last. What days to be a Villan! #UTV

Well, we're obviously just playing this one quickly with the benny hill music playing - sadly fallen apart after their first goal. However ... thank you to Emery and the team for the most incredible run of 11 straight wins. Fantastic period to be a Villian! #AVFC #UTV

#avfc when Arsenal get frustrated god almighty do they start fouling! Come on Villa! #UTV

#avfc I appreciate this is a novel idea; but in future away matches can we just kick off already 1-0 down? The opponents will have the same false sense of security and well play better reducing all fans stress! Win-win-win #utv

Arsenal can have their Invincibles. We'll take our Unsustainables #AVFC #UTV

Right noone say shit for 2.5 minutes #avfc #utv!!!!

#avfc this one looks like a lot will happen. I’m almost annoyed manu haven’t scored as then I’d be comfortable we’d win. Odd being a Villian these days. #utv!!

Matty Cash!!! So far this performance is everything I love watching in Villa - come on! #UTV! #AVFC Cash for player of the season?

Great result but given Malen had no idea about Tielemans’ shot how annoyed is Oli that it wasn’t him? Great game #AVFC

The 1897 Group and Military Lions have joined forces to create a stunning Remembrance Sunday display for Aston Villa's match vs Bournemouth. It's 100% fan-funded, and to make it happen, they need support from Villa fans to reach their target before the deadline on Wednesday. #AVFC

Rogers touches are always just to heavy now? I don’t remember that much from his game before but now it seems to happen a lot. #avfc #utv

Tottenham playing great; Villa on resurgence and starting to look amazing so obviously Sky are showing me Amorim explaining for the 10,000th time about his bloody system and whether Liverpool are amazing or just great? #avfc #onlyskysixmatter

Buendia on at 1/2 time? Surely thats an injury to Elliot? #avfc

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. The person you are going to kill probably has a spouse or right hand man that will get in your way.

Just once I want to watch preseason and it have any meaningful relationship to how we’ll play in the season. #avfc

Matty Cash keeping us in it (following his cock up pass) by getting injured by the ball at every opportunity. #avfc #utv

There is a good chance Roma are still stuck in traffic. Their keeper wishes they were. #avfc #utv (really pleased with Buendia)

C’mon England!!!! Go Hannah Hampton (ex-Villa)

My interview with Nigel Farage

ManU should be 4 or 5 up. What is it about them that makes them play against us? Yet another Villa / ManU game contributing to Generational Trauma. #utv #avfc

If the ref hesitates for a second we score. Nothing wrong but we're being penalized for nothing. If this doesn't happen now because of that decision... #avfc

9 minutes to keep being the much better team. #utv #avfc

AND NOW WE HAVE SURVIVED FIRST SHOT ON RARGET #UTV # AVFC

Not going to lie. I have conflicting feelings about beating a team with Matt Target in it. Loved him when he played for us - great team player. #avfc

Not often you can double your goal difference in one match. But #avfc are going +3 to +6 so far…

I want us to win because: 3) Unai’s a genius 2) Villa have worked so hard this season 1) The guy playing the drums will be miserable #avfc

Would you bet against us? #avfc #utv!!!

nicolas cage in famous works of art: thread

Proud of that performance. PSG are the best team in the Champions League by a bit, and #AVFC are in it in the second leg, but that last minute goal hurts. PSG are a sensational outfit, but Villa Park could be a factor. Onto next Tuesday. I love this club.

I love it when commentators talk about John McGinns “power” when they mean “incredible footballing arse” #avfc #utv

Rio and Ally - good luck getting back in the country once the King puts you on the no fly list for your lack of faith.

The prince of wales is giving quite astute tactical awareness? Is anyone else amazed by our club? Good luck lets take it back with a lot to play for! #avfc

Murderbot (May 16, AppleTV+): First trailer!

How are we feeling Villans? Panic? Positive? Positively panicking? Hurry time and bugger off! #avfc #utv

When this happened in the UK we needed a heroic lettuce with googly eyes to get rid of Liz Truss. Americans while you still have lettuces and googly eyes I suggest you set up a live cam. God speed heroic lettuce hero!

This is now the match I was expecting. Come on Villa get control and keep it going! #utv #avfc

Loving the shape we’re playing with and Maatsen looking great - 2 goals up and i’m still nervous! #avfc #utv

Villa women doing an amazing job of making sure the corner flag is in fact still ok. A wonderful reverse free kick from the 18yard to the corner. #avfc

Do we want ManCity? We can beat anyone but who do we fancy? Wembley!! #avfc

Absolutely brilliant from Jacob Ramsey. Haven't seen that from him for at least two years. That was a throwback to what characterised him as a young player breaking through. Wonderful ability to take the ball on the half turn at pace, drive forward and shoot. #AVFC

You know Radhford hasn’t had a Villa hat trick yet. So we’re due one right? #avfc #utv

Surely preston thought “maybe ballons are a bad idea?” #avfc #utv

Rashford has looked dangerous, played balls into the box constantly, chased everywhere and yet commentators are negative about him! If he scores they’ll say he should score two #avfc

Can anyone remember being more relaxed about a Villa match? Has it ever happened? #avfc #utv

Wow Villa Park #utv #avfc

Well done Villa! Disasi! (And olsen, my God!) #utv #avfc

I’d better not be cursing anything … but is Bailey having the game of his life? #avfc