People creating ski mountaineering: Hear me out. Stairs.

What’s up with the all the “marry me” descriptors in recipes. Is it a stupid influencer thing? #StonedThoughtswithJimmyCigarillos

The problem is that we just kept trying to appeal to morons instead of letting them just continue to be morons.

America’s future is being dictated by power brokers from dying industries and ways of life.

I keep begging the universe for less Pat McAfee, and I am never rewarded.

Slovakia and Finland have the chance to do the funniest thing ever.

HONEY, HAVE YOU SEEN THE HALL OF FAME JUICER?!?!?

Welcome to Egypt on the waterfront where tonight’s musical guest is Kid Rock featuring RFK Jr and the Toilet Seat Cocaine Snorters.

The Christians that I grew up were the depressed Catholics filled with guilt, and now today’s Christians are just obnoxious white influencers who’ve never read a Bible in their life. It’s more like Chri$$$tian$$$$

Now, if you don’t mind, we’re about to go snort some cocaine off a toilet seat.

The only bigger piece of shit than a politician is a gossip columnist.

Again, for the 1 billionth time, it’s not because you’re white it’s because you’re a hate filled asshole.

We are like 9 months out from the election, a lot races don’t even have candidates yet. But instead of dooming about how they’re going to steal the election or how it’s a fait accompli, the only actionable path is to start organizing now.

The Shaggy DA and some orange drink after, please and thank you.

Is you know who going to you know what soon?

I believe Mel Brooks made a movie about this.

Truly one of the most special and unique tributes to everyone’s pal

Please, I’m watching the Olympics to escape Jake Paul.

All Star Games are a dinosaur in the era of nonstop content.

Honest to goodness, we need more targeted bullying from grown ups to prevent shit like whatever this is.

Does lactic acid have a sponsorship deal with the Olympics?

Casty will surely fit in with notoriously humble players like Tatis Jr and Machado.

If organized crime movies and shows have taught us anything, it’s that if you’re going to commit racketeering and gambling crimes, you don’t discuss it via email and text. You almost certainly don’t do it via your personal phone. Dumbasses.

There is not a fiery pit in hell hot enough for these irredeemably vile pieces of shit.

Meanwhile, a local man has had the same condom in his wallet since 1995.

One player doesn’t make or break a team, but you have to be curious about the impact that having someone like Castellanos had on the locker room when the playoff runs went south. Time for a fresh start, I suppose.

Beginning to think Billionares don’t care about us.

All the pearl clutching old ladies keep fighting the dispensaries in my hometown and I think it’s so hilariously depressing.

Because the head coach is a fragile egomaniac of a ham sandwich.

FUNBAG:

Honey, are you OK? You haven’t been the same since you became a thrillionaire.

I don’t even think Shredder even takes himself seriously.

Take a shot every time someone mentions lactic acid, pass out around 9:30.

Up the Devil’s Pay.

Not too be outdone, the other halftime show had cousins marry.

Translation. You unwittingly turned your front porches into surveillance systems run by billionaire oligarchs. But thanks for that feel good ad.

Kid Rock is like if Florida were a person.

Not hyperbolic to say that may be the best halftime show since Prince.

I’m waiting for Tito Puente to appear performing Señor Burns

This is what your boomer dad with the super sized prostate was upset about?

If I could turn back time, I’d go back to 2006 before I knew what a Kardashian was

This is a battle of dueling Kevin Patullo offenses.

Boo Crypto. Boo.

This game sucks.

Less than stellar Super Bowl matchup, and defensive slugfest?

That’s way too many AI ads.

Lots of Italians in Italy. Go figure.

give me the ferments and free my soul I’m only eatin yogurt at the super bowl I’m RFK