I kinda glazed over for a bit there because holy shit was that half shit but hard to imagine Atleti winning this tie if they don't win the home leg they're gonna need to come out firing in the second half (they will not come out firing in the second half).

Pulling on a diaper, grabbing a bushel of bananas, and sitting in an inflatable pool. “Let’s fucking do this,” I say under my breath, trying to hype myself for 90 minutes of squishing bananas with my toes, eating the resultant sludge, and making animal noises. “Moo,” I say to the camera. “Baa. Moo.”

Real blow to Bayern to both lose today *and* have us give them a free run at Anthony Gordon. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

Jürgen Just Hopes All His Former Players Have Fun at the World Cup liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

I regret to inform everyone that if Arsenal-Atleti kicked off right now I'd be so high from spending the past two hours snorting cocaine and riding motorcycles out of helicopters that I'd probably watch it fingers crossed I come to my senses by kickoff tomorrow.

Crazy to think this week’s two semifinals could produce a combined 9 (!!) goals

"We held this PSG side to two goals in Paris!" yes and scored none of our own and lost by a larger margin and watching that game made me want to die.

But "He wanted out!!1!" yes because we wouldn't give him a new deal and then when we did sell him we gave the money that could've been given to him in a new deal to Cody Gakpo instead so kindly shut the fuck up.

If we don't hit double digits in combined goals tonight I'm gonna be a little annoyed tbpqfhf

There's probably a universe where we manage to close the deal on Kvaratskhelia and Luis Enrique ends up our manager but it's obviously not this one, so that's neat.

tbf if your masochism extends to watching Arsenal-Atleti tomorrow you should probably be streaming it on OnlyFans or something at least find a way to monetize that you sick freak.

Deflection, close in, etc., but why would you ever extend your arm like that after having it tucked? Goodness that was dumb.

Never forget what they took from you. Reject modernity. Retvrn. And so forth.

The nice thing about Liverpool failing to sign Khvicha Kvaratskhelia is that I don't have to learn how to spell Khvicha Kvaratskhelia without Googling it. The less nice thing is literally everything else.

What a sign at the London marathon

Florentino Perez no longer has the juice and honestly I kinda hate watching our two great tormentors from the Klopp era turn to shit now like why didn't we get to face these versions of City and Madrid oh right the universe is cruel and unfair and hates me (and you) in particular.

Game's back.

Hacked in the morning. You're gonna get hacked in the morning. Hacked in the morning.

Liverpool beat Crystal Palace but Salah goes off injured. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

When he strikes it pretty he really strikes it pretty. Thanks, Flo.

Spurs thought they'd dragged their way out of the relegation zone el oh el, Spurs.

Things are getting nervy (it was offside anyhow)

Build a statue to the man who threw the ball at Muñoz’s head

I mean for fuck's sake, really?!?

Might be the last we see of Mo in Red. Damn.

Have talked a bit here and on the site about how Woodman might be better than every second choice keeper we've had this century other than Kelleher. So. Thanks for backing me up on that today, Freddie.

It was really nice. Made me smile.

WORLD CLASS STRIKER ANDREW HENRY ROBERTSON

Feel like that says a lot about Liverpool's season as well.

I'm taking credit for that goal.

Isak heard me moaning and made an asshole out of me, fair play son.

It's gonna be an issue if Isak takes three months to get up to speed every time he's been out/injured.

Don't think that's gonna stand though suppose there's a case he impeded him even without contact.

All a little flat and indifferent out there nothing great nothing terrible very late season mid-table nothing to play for vibes (which makes sense for Palace who are that and on the road but it'd be nice to see a little more from us tbqh)

David Cameron at a secret party at Oxford in the late 1980s:

Well. That's one of the Hams definitely going down then.

Can the Reds win three in the league in a row for the first time in 2026? Or will Palace manage to beat them for the fourth time this season? liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

If you missed it yesterday, we got to talk to Markus Babbel about what's gone wrong for Liverpool this season. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

The 2025-26 season remains undefeated when it comes to being absolute fucking dogshit for Liverpool fans. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

Babbel says leadership, a thin squad, and poor defensive structure need fixing to get Liverpool back on track. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

Van Dijk Says New Liverpool Leaders “Will Have to Step Up” liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

We got to talk to Markus Babbel about what's gone wrong for Liverpool this season, so that was fun. The Markus Babbel part, not the everything going wrong. liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

Tiss is arguing about chemtrails with Grok on the Bird app, ICYMI.

Digging Deeper Into Liverpool’s Dramatic Late Win Over Everton liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/liverpool-fc...

Love to make history for The Ev in their new stadium…. The Ol’ Hill Dick

Which 2026 collapse will be seen as more shocking, self-inflicted, and epoch defining by future historians, Arsenal's or the end of the Pax Americana?

We are the middle children of history. Born too late to explore earth, born too early to explore space, but born just in time to witness the greatest choke job in the history of sport.