Metroidvanias are either Protestant or Catholic. Castlevania? Catholic, of course. Metroid? Protestant. Blasphemous is Catholic. Dead Cells, Protestant. Hollow Knight is Protestant, but Hollow Knight: Silksong is Catholic. That's why people are complaining the game is hard. Cause it's Catholic now.

I'm actually the Scav person who requested that @seantcollins.com 's tweet be painted in oils, ultimately generating this bizarre AI summary. all of the completions were genuinely amazing, and sorry I forgot to ask permission Sean!

Folks there has never been a funnier time to have a website filled with miscellaneous bullshit www.scavhunt.net/past-years

UPDATE THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED

WSJ: So you have no leads? Kash Patel, frantically typing "Who Is Killer" into Grok in twelve different tabs: THE GUN. IS. TRANS.

You know you've made it as an authoritarian political party when one of your guys gets ganked and everyone immediately starts sharing Horst Wessel's Wikipedia article.

The Etsy witch Jezebel hired

Eric Adams was made by God for one job and that job is Dean of Greendale Community College

Nothing funnier than the back covers of board books for infants. Just an editor working their ass off to tease a plot out of "reader says good night to some animals." Two quotes from an author and the NYT being like "Mesmerizing... A modern masterpiece" and "Little Blue Truck's triumphant return"

THEY'RE CALLED MECHA, COOP. REAL WACKADOO STUFF THE BOYS BACK AT LANGLEY HAVE BEEN COOKING UP. ENORMOUS ROBOT BODIES THAT'LL WIN THE NEXT TEN WARS. BUT HERES THE KICKER: THEY CAN ONLY BE DRIVEN BY MALNOURISHED TEENAGE LESBIANS. TRANSGENDERS TOO IF THEY'RE MALNOURISHED ENOUGH.

Okay look the Department of Defense was a pretty stupid name considering we've been in shooting wars as long as anyone can remember and the last time our country was invaded was when Pancho Villa rode over with a handful of cowboys to provoke us into invading Mexico

Mandela effect? People are claiming Silksong was just released but I remember them sweeping the 2022 Grammys with best new artist, best new album, and earning best new single for their hit song, "Leave the Door Open"

WRAPPING TEXT IN ASTERISKS SHOULD NOT MAKE THE TEXT BOLD. WRAPPING TEXT IN ASTERISKS IS FOR RPing!!!!

Everyone's got a pitch for if the Subway Takes guy comes up to you. Mine is that everyone in New York City should be publicly urinating way more.

Hell yeah this pen explains what pens do

CURTIS SLIWA SAYS THEATER INCIDENT MISCONSTRUED, CALLS PUBLIC MASTURBATION CULTURALLY POLISH

Don't think branding is important? Imagine this: Nut Honey Cheerios

History fans is it good when a strongman leader assembles a personal army in the capital on flimsy pretexts

Artist of the summer for sure

Had a dream last night I attended Werner Herzog's office hours to get help with a reading but it became clear he just wanted me to help him with his social content

Bold to go the Jodorowsky's Dune route of giving up and publishing his movie as a graphic novel despite having completed and theatrically released the film

Any given day in the Zizians' pandemic storage container commune

I need to know if it was two, six, or eight breasts!!

Randy Fine is posturing. He knows damn well that in America it is already legal to kill someone with your car.

All the polls coming out today are like "Not only is Zohran Mamdani hugely popular with every group the NYT says he needs to apologize for, but voters both nationally and internationally feel 'substantially less likely to vote until party leadership stops being such a huge bitch about him'"

when my Long Island relatives call me to check if I was the person shot in New York City on the news today

Universities are now fighting a battle on two fronts: First, the president's relentless political and litigious assault on academic freedom, and Second, an onslaught of ill-conceived half-researched papers attempting to answer what Derrida would have thought of ChatGPT

In the wake of Ozzy's death every band is mandated to cover War Pigs at their shows

College me drunk when the McDonald's became drive-thru only after 11

1. First #ttrpg you ever played - Paranoia 2. First you ever ran - Paranoia 3. Played the most - Powered by the Apocalypse homebrew 4. Run the most - Forged in the Dark/Spire 5 Favourite - No rulebook just 2D6 and vibes 6. Most recently played - Brindlewood Bay 7. Most recently run - Hack the Planet

I think it's now legal to disclose that I was called for the Ghislaine Maxwell case, was asked whether I had ever posted about Jeffrey Epstein, and had to write "After learning David Blaine was on his sex plane, I tweeted 'David Blaine killed Jeffrey Epstein with his magic'"

Next week JD Vance is going to be on TV saying any real American should be thankful to the President for killing known predator Jeffrey Epstein

Every Trump post from the last week

I am not insinuating that someone has immense blackmail on Hakeem Jeffries, I am simply observing that in interviews he sounds exactly like Kendall does after Shiv's wedding

On this the anniversary of our Bastille Day I don't wanna hear any talk about what any court says we the people can or can't do

I didn't see one skeet on this site where someone mentioned their own SAT scores while talking about Zohran Mamdani, which means we might all finally be growing up

When you're deliriously reciting Goodnight Moon to your child in the dark for the 50th consecutive time and you realize, to your horror, that you've absentmindedly been changing the ending from "goodnight noises everywhere" to "goodnight voices everywhere"

My coworkers were complaining that the only ads they're being served are our ads directed at non-users and then I opened up my phone and got this

Timeline cleanse

Imagine how much better this country would be right now if the democratic party defended young populists and attacked Epstein clients rather than the other way around

Turns out "A Place of Greater Safety" actually explains this in pretty good detail: there's a lot more, logistically, to guillotining than just the head coming off!

in the cars universe, his name is trucker carlson

My heart swells with pride

Recent events have moved me from "How did the French Revolution get like that" to "why did the guillotine only have space for one head at a time"

Happy Return of the Living Dead Day to all who celebrate

Well well well if it isn’t the Blowjob Family Reunion

@yuhline.bsky.social rematch with Dan Goldman, please????

Important to note that Dan Goldman beat Yuh-Line Niou, a WFP progressive candidate with excellent ground game, entirely due to a NYT endorsement at the last minute because he's heir to the Levi Strauss fortune and his family is close with the Sulzbergers. This is nepo baby class solidarity

It is time for the richest nation in the history of the world to look itself in the mirror and ask: Do we really need hospitals??