<3 if you enjoy dishonest and slightly imperious toddler flights of fancy here is a song for you

i know it’s bad of me but…

a punchline’s punchline

happy new year from australia, so far 2026 is a bit too hot for my liking

if you want to tell a story that’s fine but i’m not going to buckle up

i’m not feeling especially glum but i probably couldn’t have lower expectations of a new year than i do of 2026

Fuck you people. Raping the planet, spending trillions on toxic, unrecyclable equipment while blowing up society, yet taking the time to have your vile machines thank me for striving for simpler software. Just fuck you. Fuck you all. I can't remember the last time I was this angry.

it appears the temperance movement obediently trolled the ancient christmas carol as they were asked to and then their critics got shirty about it

An Akhmatova for #smallpoemssunday We've all met him....

Can You Really Tell When AI Overview's Lying? Experts Weigh In

does anyone else notice the giant lady doesnt cut up your hot dogs anymore!?

after years of defending brush turkeys from critics and giving them delicious grape tomatoes to snack on in hot weather one just attacked our garden and dug a deep round hole next to some struggling plants and then strolled away

lpt: how to use your noodles

this baby is a wotter

i saw a license plate that said GREAD and now i have lost my peace of mind trying to pronounce it

Perhaps no one I trust less for cooking advice.

you just know all these dipshits wrote the absolute corniest sexts

that olivia nuzzi extract reads like a vain and dull gaggle of paragraphs who drew ‘young joan didion’ in a game of charades and then had to edit themselves

my wife overheard me solemnly telling our children, "this is the greatest song about the boys being back in town, remember it whenever your boys are back in town"

i promise i will not jump into an ice bath before my (imaginary) 12-mile run

Musk: "Mandani is a charismatic swindler." Rogan, pulling off his mask to reveal @ichotiner.bsky.social: "What else has he done that makes him a swindler?" Musk: <complete meltdown>

how do people go about becoming a body language expert, it mostly seems like a very dreary form of gossip

it’s unusually poetic that we say “the roof of my mouth” as if our mouths were small cathedrals constructed for the chomping of chips

i’m so glad none of my friends or family ever go on about their cortisol levels, the overwhelming boredom might make me “spike”

i’m lying on my bed thinking about how pathetic and self-pitying johnny depp seems to be now and about how in the olden days we’d have called him a drip

there’s been a heist at the louvre so now i can’t go to bed

more of this, less of everything else

my old refrigerator is making a new noise that sounds like judy the chimpanzee from ‘daktari’

it’s really pathetic that if you put a dumb typo in a google search nowadays the dimwitted ai overview accepts your gibberish and confidently comes up with a nonsensical “answer” for it

i’m eating milk duds and reading poorly-worded reviews of milk duds, two of my favourite pastimes

remember when the big hapless ship got stuck in the suez canal and its name was ’ever given’ but it had ‘evergreen’ painted on it in giant letters, those were the days

if you’re so inclined listening to ‘song for sharon’ alone in a motel room in your old town is a foolproof way to summon a few ghosts

For sale: friendship bracelet, never worn

I'm just saying for everyone else, dont mention the exorcist when meeting her and just say how much you appreciate her dog shelter.

9yo boy gets the essence of the Scottish Play

slightly diminish a band: wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie boys

this is very funny and has bonus wheezy laughter

i have developed a weakness for dramatic profession-backed headlines eg: “I cook for a living & I’m begging you to properly wash your blueberries”

In a new Bluesky post, I decry Johnny Depp.

i was once at a party where a drunk man was wearing a badge that said: ‘never trust a king’ and he pointed to it and shouted, “i’ve been thinking about this and it’s true because i’m not a king and you can’t trust me!” and another man said, “it doesn’t sound as if you’ve thought about it at all”

i was reading some news and wondered if it might be time to give the hadron collider another whirl

lmao imagine getting this "thats you" ass letter in 1642

There's a collection of notes from an 18th century priest where he's sketched a lot of his parishioners and called one of them a cuckold. We'll get around to sharing it on here one of these days.

i love these raucous little devils with all my heart. everything they do is a bit rotten<3

it is dawn and my wife is coming to bed and she has been watching a film about the life of charlie parker… —Tom Leonard, “June the Second” outside the narrative: poems 1965–2009 (Etruscan Books/Word Power Books, 2009 – now at @lighthousebks.bsky.social) lighthousebookshop.com/book/9780956...

“Pride Mid Rise Jort” is sending me

why are despicable people so energetic, we’d all be better off if they lounged around all day writing to do lists

this is the best thing i’ve read all week

i hope i never get accused of harnessing AI