I want to meet them

been trying to be less depersonalized & in terrible news I’m still rabid for attention in here

sometimes I hit my inhaler & then go lightheaded holding my breath & it's like oh yeah okay that's what the inhaler's for

Im not afraid of anything because my thighs are the size of tree trunks and cigarettes can't hurt me

recent google searches: how to get your deeply compromised brain to understand that dreaming of someone Literally Nightly is not in fact a stand-in for not having spoken in years

lukewarm sink water at two in the morning I would go to war for u

depressed bitches do one craft & remember what it means to love

writing is definitely the least fun thing I do for fun

you can't show up at my house unannounced when I’m home alone, david. youre not my real dad.

ig I’m glad my father in law sees me as one of his kids but at the same time he is an abusive father & this is not a sustainable relationship model, dave

oh I’m being soooooo brave waiting for it to be a reasonable bed hour b4 going to sleep (< guy who's had 2 insomnia episodes in a row)

Fantasies of Nuremberg On justice, punishment, and the Earth crying out for vengeance. youtu.be/n9Ay5tzHIBU

the new ad campaign, which features a grandfatherly Colonel Sanders chuckling his way through the restaurant’s controversial new slogan — “Chick-Fil-A can suck my dick” — has quickly gone viral

My Guardian Angel Wears Birkenstocks #art

also I liked when he physically beat up the concept of grimdark reimaginings of hopeful stories

anti-zionist superman you're my best friend forever

I’m a stone cold dyke with a pathological need to fix blond men with daddy issues. yes we exist. yes we are watching house md.

This weather is Pissing me off... I'm the original Starwalker

anybody out there fw nonbinary little freaks? #deltarune #krisdreemur #myart #digitalart

You know what, screw it. Past performance IS a predictor of future results.

from now on I only speak to ppl who have had an internal organ biopsied while awake & undrugged lol

I will not elaborate

ppl get sooooo fucking mad when you point out that the way *they* police women's bodies is no different from how anyone else polices women's bodies lmao

this line being About God And Jesus makes me crazzzzzyyyyyyy lol

successfully popping your ears when you have a sinus infection is a near-orgasmic level of physical relief & pleasure

yall want to talk about a recession indicator? I just saw a commercial for Half A Loaf Of Bread

"christianity leaves a hole in you that only it can fill" is a CRAZY line to be dropped in someone's standup routine & also the most succinct description of this particular pain I've ever heard

as a butch lesbian, I take my support of lil nas x & his music very seriously anyway stream dreamboy I can't relate to a single lyric & it's still all bangers

exvangelical woman thinks about lucy pevensie for 30 seconds. 6 dead 13 injured

yk those ppl who cut the toothpaste tube open to scrape the very last of the toothpaste out? god is doing that shit to me

tits out. pits hairy. sheer curtains. fat as fuck. reading sci fi. got called sir earlier. free bleeding into a bathing suit. mustache. chilling with the 2 ppl on the cruise who keep confusing the staff bc of name changes. kissing wife. they didn't know this level of dykery was possible.

yknow. I think if I saw, even just two of my friends or siblings "break their heads", I would probably have stopped jumping on the bed. but thats just me.

spending tdov closeted is always a little rough ngl

all the hot girls spend their saturday nights on metoidioplasty dot net

having a depressive episode on a day you have plans is the worst. what do you mean I have to go to this concert i'm allegedly excited for i'm literally the goo from severance rn

I hate these fascist motherfuckers with every cell in my body and with nearly equal timbre I hate the cowardice of the only people in a position to oppose them who treat it like they were playing crazy 8s over cocktails and watercress sandwiches

I feel like i'm losing my mind what the FUCK is that image supposed to mean??? I genuinely don't understand what they're trying to convey with this one, especially when combined with the article itself. the artist is also gay, which adds to the confusion.

to the beautiful femme in the pink dress heart-shaped sunglasses cowboy boots combo in the general store- hiiiiiiiiiii 💖💖

THIS WOMAN IS SINGING AT THE OSCARS WITHOUT SHOOOEEEESSSSS

it's so essential I’m the hottest & dykiest person at this oscar's party

I do not fuck around about taco bell's fuckass donut hole things

eating a fuckton of grapes and olive oil. my wife says I’m built like a Classical marble sculpture woman. I wonder why that might be.

a little known perk of being my friend is that, if you want (or sometimes even if you don't), you can see the itemized list of every time ive had a tummy ache for the past 3 years

:V :l :V :l

smackin on some tortilla chips possum style

"how does aspirin know where the headache is" stfu how does vodka know where the dick is

instinct to compliment my mom on being normal when we have a phone call but I know that would immediately make her Extremely Not Normal

sharing my recent tumblr manifesto in screenshot form bc I need to spread my nefarious agenda