I made a silly reference already, but upon reflecting for eight more seconds I think I mean it: why aren't these absolute cuck ass quislings not being apocalyptically spit roasted by their spouses, partners, children, parents, friends like Cecily Strong destroyed Tim Robinson after the magic show?

International law these days has about the same force as the unwritten baseball rule that you don't walk on the other team's logo

He's hiding with Iran's nuclear material, the safest place to be if this administration is looking for you

The problem with how the Civil War ended is that we left anyone at all around who could have children, much less great-grandchildren, who could be told what to do.

Gotta get those redistricting cases up so the line length and numbers both descend in order

Gaddafi him

It has plenty of other social uses and value. Like, can you imagine what an absolute nightmare I would be in the real world, how my friends and family and colleagues would loathe me, if I couldn’t get out all my bad takes and puns and references here, and bother all you unfortunate strangers instead

In a functioning political system, those responsible, including the guy picture, would be bolted to the floor inside the building so they could watch its implosion live and in living color

The gender-swapped Uptown Girl music video that we need but don't deserve

My un-ironic Modest Proposal is that appropriate action should be taken that would ensure that they could no longer walk, talk, experience brain function, wear masks, or hold cell phones any longer.

It’s very much the front door, Kamala.

I will simply become John Wick

I'm both and yet I'm still right

Weird to just presuppose that a deficit is inherently bad to the point of being punishable, or that this inane "fix" can't be cynically manipulated toward ends far, far worse than one stupid metric passing an arbitrary threshold

Why would NEW enrollees be a fraud risk? Wouldn't they be easier to subject to scrutiny than existing providers?

Oh, Christ, this means that every media outlet is going to platform Meghan McCain to talk shit about The View and prop up Trump (whom she totally does not support wink wink)

What you can't see just offscreen is a whole flock of crows about to attack her and all her schoolchildren

If this happened, which it didn't, it could only be because Ogles lied to his child and made him believe that his dad would be forcibly abducted. So, basically, Ogles is admitting to child abuse.

Real warriors lose the same war multiple times in a couple weeks

"[United] spokesperson Tony Marusic said the insurance company is 'committed to ensuring members have access to care that is consistent with the terms of their health plans.'” We are committed to ensuring that you get what we tell you is consistent with what we'll let you pay us for, maybe.

All technology is gone, land is disintegrated, the ground has disappeared, airspace is now non-Euclidean, a beautiful, rough beast, muscles bulging, tears in its eyes, slouches its way east toward my beautiful oceanfront golfcourse, Tehran-a-Lago

Narrator: he was never a builder, much less a good one

Bordering on sociopathic. He "provides" money to his employees BECAUSE THEY MAKE HIM MORE MONEY THEN HE GIVES TO THEM. That's the whole fucking point of paying people to work for you: they do a thing that you won't or can't do that creates more monetary value for you than you give them to do it!

Lash my dead ass to the Slay the Spire machine and I will make you so much fucking bitcoin that you'll puke

Today in syphilitic dementia news

Trump famous for complying when a woman says "no"

hEaRtWaRmInG

He then went and voted to confirm Thanos as shadow docket manager

This must be from the pilot episode credits, before they realized that Dave Foley could play any woman character they needed

The color of a new 1,000 Flushes toilet tablet

I'm old enough to remember when SNL had actual cast members

Me showing off all the books I printed off Scribd before my trial subscription expired

This move is called the Ollie Selassie

Forget about the asteroid screaming at the earth, get those miners out of those space suits and shut down NASA. We need that rocket money to build a server farm so Claude can devise a solution to the asteroid screaming at the earth.

sid meier did 9/11

The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Dir. Irvin Kershner

There was no moral imperative to abstain from carpet bombing Red Square. None.

More like Gary chambers a round of rhetorical ammunition!

Please, take away my Lexapro so I replace it with alcohol and my already unfathomable rage at you and see what happens

I'm still reading @benmckenzie.bsky.social's "Easy Money" and hoping to see the documentary, so please no spoilers if this is how it ends

Proposal: Tulsa 1921, but for white Tennessee

Suddenly all those guys sunning their buttholes don’t seem so crazy, eh?

Fellas, is it gay to have a friend?

Oof, rough time to make a rhyme

Anyone who votes for this man should be chemically castrated

Another day, another puff piece about Republicans from the failing NYT