i went on a walk the other day

is it okay to promote myself on here if i’m $150 short on rent and don’t want to hear from my landlord about it?

they’re the same picture

Just went #8

where tf did you all come from

popular opinion about apples that will put you in this position

fat tits. fatter pussy. papa john’s.

Me [forgetting I went on a tour of Willy Wonka’s candy factory yesterday]: why does my shit look like that

ʙʟᴇᴘ!

i have been gaining the trust of cats outside

my 6.5qt deep round oven in agave arrived yesterday

oh swag

are you jamokes listening to shania today? 🤔

time to pay rent to a boomer renting out properties for passive income

choices were made

roommate: check this shit out *opens a bag of carrots and pulls out this* me: holy shit it’s a lady

Stranger Things is overall pretty far-fetched, but believing Steve could use a chainsaw to cut a smooth-edged rectangle out of a floor plate without compromising the structural integrity of the floor or encountering any electrical or plumbing is preposterous

it’s tayne tuesday

beug

Yeah I’m into fine dining

WELL IT FINALLY FUCJING HAPPENED TOILET SPIDER IT CRAWLED ON MY ASS AS I WAS SITTING ON THE TOIELT IM GONNA FICKING KMS MYSELF

my credit score improved and i saved $4.10 at target

it’s always a mf named keith

bringing my dope-ler radar to scan for dope things

almost stepped on this lil one yesterday, i’m glad it moved a bit so i avoided it but i did scoot it off into the bushes

@pelicantowndyke.bsky.social beugs was fricking on my hand this morning

my oldest was fascinated with a funereal duskywing butterfly in a parking lot yesterday

All the dire implications notwithstanding it is hilarious how evil this technology is. Billions of dollars spent on this greasy lying stupid thing that was literally built to replace people, and everyone that uses it gets weaker, lazier, dumber, and sadder for having done so. Well done all around.

you guys are missing how funny i am on twitter

i don’t even work here and i quit

and now, your moment of zen

goot morning to this bord

happy tuesday jabronies

pretty blooms and dragonflies

twooter got to see this first but the caption was: the sun is out on this titty tuesday btw

Nandor the righteous

update: everything about my blood is normal

the kid looks fucking terrified, knows the university will probably punitively hold the diploma they've worked three or four years to get, and also knows people have been disappeared recently by fascists for doing way, way less. still says it! just an incredibly fucking brave person

the only thing i ever scored an a+ on is my blood test 😎

forgot to post milf bewbs on here for mother’s day

Someone created a LinkedIn account for Elmo, the Muppet from Sesame Street, with the goal of raising public awareness of funding cuts to public broadcasting. "Elmo is sad. Elmo loved his time at Sesame Street," the laid-off Muppet wrote.

the vibe the group chat brings to the group chat

i found this on twooter