British.

Comedian goes to Saudi Arabia - and beyond!

Thread that makes you feel a lot better about the world + gives you a craving for a fish finger sandwich.

STEWART: “Comedy doesn’t change the world, but it’s a bellwether— we’re the banana peel in the coal mine… authoritarians are the threat to comedy, music, art, thought… progress.” Nailed it.

Thames Valley Police told @bylinetimes.bsky.social the protest van was taken out of the area for being “at risk” of breaking the Road Traffic Regulations Act, though it’s not clear what part of this act they were referring to. The van was later returned to the activists - and sent away from Windsor

Veet. Spruced up, Veet for Men Applied, waited, and removed. Missed a bit. Burns thrive. #haiku #veet

Nigel Farage looks uncomfortable as Jamie Raskin uses his opening statement to absolutely demolish him

I'm ded 💀 😂 😂 😂

Legitimate Concerns?

Today’s poem in the form of a Hauku: The concerned citizen Concerned citizen, unbelievably was a xenophobic prick. #Haiku #Concernedcitizen

Frites She said I wasn't bad, bit in all honestly she'd prefer a poke of chips. (Poke is Scotch for a 'bag'. Origin, unknown). There was no other option. The bath was run, 5050 vinegar and HP. Pungent, but endured. My nightgown was traditional newspaper. My wooing attempt predictably failed.

She said she preferred chocolate to me. (Specifically, CDM, as she's all about the classics.) I coated my skin in Shea Butter and went on the sunbeds until it became culturally inappropriate. My nightgown was traditional purple foil. The wooing experiment predictably failed. #poetry experiment.

We don’t deserve love. It's not the be all / end all. Organic, not false. #haiku. Philosophical about life.

#strongmessagehere I was at a CIPD exhibition at the Excel last week. When fielding questions all the key note speakers replied with "that's a great question" before answering. I can't be the only one to notice this unusual trait?

Ahead of Germany’s election, with anti-immigrant sentiment rising, they released viral videos showing life without immigrants. History proves that when a country starts erasing certain people, it doesn’t end well. 🧵

Feeling about as upbeat as usual: Embrace the darkness The majesty of decay Entropy abounds Perhaps I should have a muffin. #haiku

Pure magnificence In Chaz and Dave's Sideboard Song. "I don't care" they sing. #haiku

Has anyone had a hot bath with onions, carrots, celery, bay leaves, etc. to see if their stock is delicious?

Ode to a maggot. Meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, Bird! Fin.

Trying to use @microsft Co-pilot to generate ideas for a conference.: SESSION 1: MOTIVATING AND MANAGING REMOTE TEAMS Duration: 1.5 hours 1. Introduction and Icebreaker (15 minutes) o Welcome participants. o Icebreaker activity to get everyone engaged. Suggestions:

The rain lashed window Heralded in the new year. Detritus rolls by. #haiku

New Christmas lights just went up in Clacton. (Farage is still the MP who makes most money from second jobs. By a long way.)

Folks, I've just started an online, interactive #origami club. Let me know if you want to join.

Just starred a Fintech training session with "hello ladles and jelly spoons and other assorted cutlery " to looks of frank astonishment. This country...

It's impossible to say 'allure' without it sounding a bit weird.

The seat, with a bag. When boarding a packed carriage. Is getting sat on. #haiku #moveyourfriggingbag #typingwhilstlooking

Ponders - why didn't the lead singers of The Pixies and T'Pau collaborate to form a drill band?

On point

Please repost (retweet) stuff on here. Once that stopped on Twitter, we comedians didn’t feel the platform was working for us. I know it’s a wank thing to ask to publicise us, but we need it and we publicise loads of other things. Isn’t reposting a comedian better than reposting outrage? I hope so.

Train waits and whispers. Strip lights radiate fake day. Beeps, bumps and we're off. #haiku

Lovely stuff

The gap inbetween dreaming and reality narrows early AM #haiku

Listening to the farmers protest in London earlier. "I want my son and nephew to inherit my farm without paying any tax!"

#haiku for those millionaire farmers to contemplate: Galloping horses. But how does the fat cow run? Ah, not well at all.

I just wanted to Get Brexit Done, or whatever the catchy slogan was this time. Something about boats maybe? In all seriousness, with the FPTP system we have, it's not about personal principals, it was who was in the best position to get the Tories in the bin.

Haiku for you: At the speed of sound Dusk races across the earth Pursued by the dawn. OK, I know it’s not exactly at the speed of sound which also relies on air density, etc. and relies on how close to the equator you are, but at Edinburgh’s lat it’s pretty close.