If you think thousands of people conspired to frame one innocent man. Instead of accepting that one guilty man lied to thousands of people. You’re in a cult.

Next Sunday I’m at Largo for Patton Oswalt and Friends. Come see me make some jokes while the world burns to the ground.

Front Desk Guy: You need some help? Me: Yeah, I’m looking for Suite A. Front Desk Guy: Who’s that? Me: …

I got dumped on the 4th of July one year. That really was Independence Day.

There aren't any rules in comedy, but if there is one, it should be: "Don't take advice about comedy from people who aren't good at comedy."

#tbt Largo in 2023 with these killers.

Watching #AEWCollision, doing some prep work for the next AEWsomePod while sporting my fav shirt! 🤪 @darcythemailgirl.bsky.social @hipsterocracy.bsky.social #F**kHologram

Dude! Brian Posehn and @hipsterocracy.bsky.social tore it up tonight in Sonoma. Awesome to see Posehn play to his hometown crowd. Plus it rocked to see my local Sac fave Johnny Taylor

This Saturday night at the Sebastiani Theater I’m featuring for my pal Brian Posehn. Come out Sonoma!

They say “Don’t Mess with Texas,” but I plan to test that theory June 27-28 at The Velveeta Room in Austin and June 29 at Dallas Comedy Club. Come watch me tell jokes in a state where it’s legal to carry a gun into Chipotle but not to smoke a joint outside of one.

The fact I see a lot of republicans online denouncing Trump because eggs are still expensive and not because of the Nazi stuff is fairly disturbing.

"Wow, that guy really need to get his life together," he scoffed, scrolling past a Facebook post while eating cream cheese straight from the tub with his fingers.

Mick Maverick at #medium made a list of up-and-coming comedians. @hipsterocracy.bsky.social is deservedly on it (at #6). His album, Bummin' with the Devil (scroll to see), is available @ our shop (as is his older album, Tangled Up in Plaid), & the special is free to watch on #tubi. Get on it!

I wanna grow old until I get to the point where I dig in my pocket to make correct change and it takes twice as long for the people behind me in line and stresses the cashier out because of it and after that moment I hope I die immediately.

"You have a very interesting sense of humor." - an audience member telling me in a kind way that he hated my act

Gonna be seeing that Seal commercial in my nightmares for the next 9 years. #SuperBowlLIX

When someone starts a sentence with "If I may.." They're about to annoy the fuck out of you.

New Episode! Diverticular disease Taking a deep dive on the incredibly common but often overlooked issue that affects SO many American guts, very possibly yours! With @hipsterocracy.bsky.social & @neilstollman.bsky.social Itunes: tinyurl.com/36czt9ub Spotify: tinyurl.com/ze3s9usx

If you don’t like “Give it to You” by Jordan Knight, I can’t really fuck with you.

*sees a Tesla* Me in 2018: That would be so cool to have a Tesla. Me in 2025: I wish I could throw a Molotov cocktail at that Tesla.

Not sure anyone can see me on this site, but if you can I’ll be around. Come see me.

“The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command” - George Orwell, 1984

The coolest part of my career at this point is that I don’t have to do awful bar shows anymore. I mean, I still do them, I just don’t have to.

Elon Musk with the sieg heil, Trump not putting his hand on the Bible, Trump laughing at the destruction of Los Angeles…good news for comic book fans, you’re now living in one.

David Lynch and Bob Uecker on the same day, god? Not cool. But hey, Major League 4: Fire Walk With Me is gonna be a real trip. Just a bit outside...reality

It's New Years Eve, not New Years Steve.

It’s weird that no one ever acknowledges that Rudolph nose is so red due to fetal alcohol syndrome.

@hipsterocracy.bsky.social @gringofantastico.bsky.social here’s a YouTube playlist of “Sodbuster” Kenny Jay: youtube.com/playlist?lis... He got picked to wrestle Muhammad Ali!

I wonder if that person ever showed Peter Frampton the way?

Grateful.

Conversations.

Woke up with the woke mind virus again.

At this point I think Bret Michaels might be too smart for Trump to add to his cabinet.

The one where Joe Bob Briggs talks Tyson/Paul with me @darcythemailgirl.bsky.social , and @gringofantastico.bsky.social ! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

Some thoughts.

Check out the new episode of the AEWsome Pod w/ @darcythemailgirl.bsky.social , @hipsterocracy.bsky.social , and myself, along with our special guest Joe Bob Briggs, who pops on to discuss the Tyson/Paul fight! We also get into our usual #AEWCollision discussion! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

Of course, man -- please let me know of any Sacramento comedians I need to add to the Real Ones list. I think I just have you, @ngaio420.bsky.social and @hipsterocracy.bsky.social so far

Make America Healthy Again off to a bangin’ start.

We appreciate you delivering another episode for us while sounding like one of the Top 15 most hungover people in human history.

New Ep! @darcythemailgirl.bsky.social @gringofantastico.bsky.social podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

Got a custom action figure from the one and only Jt Habersaat. Hail Altercation Fest.

It’s gonna be wild when Trump names Bret Michaels the Treasurer.

Texas! Thursday I’m headlining a killer show at Altercation Fest in Austin and Friday I’m headlining Rose City Comedy in Tyler and Saturday I’m back home having a coke and a smile.

Unsolicited advice to ugly dudes: Be fun to be around. No one wants to hang with an ugly dude that’s hella dull and boring.

Tonight. Have some guest list available. Hit me up via DM if you and a pal wanna come through.

No nut November sounds like an idea created by a guy that also celebrates no nut December-October.

Bluesky is a refreshing change from “If Trump wins I’ll show hole” that kept popping up in my for you page on X.

Every other person you’re ever gonna meet is gonna be dumb. And here we are.