Time to glove up

Hate when my kids bring home children’s books from the library by politicians. The kids react like they’re listening to complete dogshit at bedtime. My dude Mo Willems? Home runs every night.

I love supporting a family on one salary under six figures. Running out of money as soon as I get it. Standing red-faced at the grocery counter as they refund $30 to my account and take my shopping cart to get restocked. USA! USA! USA! Greatest country on earth baby, yeah!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1vp... thinking about ancient alien civs having opera and getting disappointed at the idea of "oh, the opera is really fancy and high class here too, galaxies upon galaxies away" if I wrote it, they'd be watching STOMP, but instead of makeshift drums it's all alien butts

Reality tv show idea: after Musk dies, follow around his 20+ children and find out what they’re doing with their inheritance, and what it was like growing up without their drugged-out, famous loser billionaire dad

"hot blooded" but the words hot blooded are replaced with the words "rat master"

first you take some couscous that you already made, add some crumbled feta, then throw a couple of artichoke hearts on it, some of the delicious goop from the artichoke jar, heat that up one minute in the microwave *chef kiss*

BREAKING: Congress has unanimously agreed that poo-poo is "mega stinky" and they don't like it

feel like I'm the only person old enough to have enjoyed and appreciated Half Life 2, but when I played it in 2007 as part of the Orange Box on 360, I was just like "yeah I guess this is alright" don't care if HL3 ever comes about

ah yes, appealing to his... huma... humani... appealing to his... what would the word be if applied to Trump anyway it's not going to work

AI fail again. The answer is "at least twelve"

a new study finds that there is enough microplastic in your nads to make a little army guy. whats worse is that its the guy with the radio so he doesnt even have a gun. and he has a bunch of extra plastic along the seam on the bottom so he keeps falling over.

please use alt text so my muted keywords can see them

Congratulations to this woman

There should be a way to "mark as read" the yellow dots in Battlefield 6. Unlocked a scope for every weapon just now and holy shit I *don't care* to go into each one's modification menu to acknowledge this.

Democrats constantly tack to the center when the right marches further right. It’s not a numbers game. This is going to fail, and what’s Pete going to do next year? Go further right, or grow a spine? To late for the latter. Fuck off, dude. Go away.

I remember when this patent first leaked it felt like such an incredibly dystopian vision of the future and now it feels absolutely quaint compared to everything else

Figured out that a “chopped cheese” is what happens when you fuck up a smash burger. New Yorkers are impressed by anything, dawg. “Eyyy we invented putting bacon, egg, and cheese on a sandwich” No you didn’t “They let cats live in da stores here” That’s cause you got rats homie

yeah idk man that's too bad cause I was really looking forward to... whatever this is

Search function on Bluesky would be a lot better if it used the content filters in my moderation settings. Type in "Bass" in the search bar, find some posts about bass players. Also find a lot of fat-assed furry art.

Now has never been a better time to abandon sports for stupid nerd shit

You guys caught up on this yet or what

seeing some of these Epstein emails , and ,,,, why does every boomer type like they've never read printed words before ??

How to get rid of black officers while pretending to target white officers. This is fooling no one. No one black, anyway.

Someone used “AC” as a titled abbreviation in the video game podcast discord and everyone is losing their Shit again

*taking your hand and kissing the back of it* call me Dough Snatcher

I miss our cat, but holy shit, I cleaned the shit out of the basement and now I feel happier to live in this house

I'm gonna be honest with y'all, this is the only Edmund Fitzgerald I care about. Gordon Lightfoot can go cry into his guitar hole somewhere else

The eight democrats who folded deserve no less than torture. Put those fuckers on the rack.

hey say what you will, it takes a lot of physical effort and creative energy to produce "girls on trampolines"

hbd to me

When life gives you puréed soup, add mac and cheese

there should be a button in HBO Max that lets me hide all the reality shows

it doesn’t get any clearer that america’s betrothal to fossil fuels is about letting energy companies pick our pockets to prop up their obsolete industry

Femputer implies the existence of femputation

basically every 2024 truism is dead. Trump did not build a lasting multiracial coalition or turn young men into committed Republicans. You don’t need to cave on trans rights to win. The pundits have nothing left to tell you.

So when I took Spencer into the vet to get put to sleep, they told me it would be $486. Said I didn’t have that. They then came back with $287. Said I still didn’t have that. Walked out of there without paying a dime. Don’t feel like I pulled one over on them because I live paycheck to paycheck

Grief is a bitch, man.

Rest in peace, little buddy. I’m going to miss you so much.

Let’s go Jays! Fuck you, L.A.!

Its wild no one really talks about how the US government has shut down under Trump more than all other shutdowns combined

Having dinner at my mother-in-laws and everyone is yelling over each other trying to explain what influencers are and how they make money and everyone is so loud and wrong

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EV7... This album rules. There's like no views or likes on this video and it's been on youtube for 10 years. I'm wondering what that says about my taste. I like ugly music? This is such a jam. "I got the piss in my pants and the shit in my face"

#fbf Wolfmother’s self-titled debut album was released 20 years ago today

mister gun, gun, mister golden gun, kill my enemies

The new Critical Role campaign is good. Enjoying it quite a bit. Exandria was beginning to feel stale. But after taking a break from campaign 3 and coming back to the show, it is gross and weird how much stuff they sell just based off their brand. Why do they have a Christmas album?!