It all returns to nothing. It all comes tumbling down. This week on Swimfans, we talk the profane and the divine, the power of sigils and esoterica, and the horrors of being a discrete person in the world in 1997's THE END OF EVANGELION! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

This movie made me want a motorcycle so bad.

This deep sea creature is as sharp & clear as broken class, & can grow as long as your hand. This giant amphipod, (Cystisoma) only has two colored body parts: the dense orange stomach/egg pouch, & two MASSIVE eyes, which are a glittering holographic orange layer completely covering its head. 📽️ MBARI

My (9F) swordsman (8M) is spending dozens of hours collecting gold tokens from spiders instead of rescuing me.

Arrival (2016) Dir. Denis Villeneuve

honey I min/maxed the kids!

note that arnold has four arms implying that helga is venerating him as a perverse hindu deity

you’re in his dms i’m building a simulacra of him out of used chewing gum we are not the same

One of the most devastating things anyone has ever said to me was, and I mean this very sincerely, “you look like a fan of the strokes” What now, colleague from grad school?!

godzilla would 100% eat Josh but the mothman would be my friend. we’d queen out, prank call boys, and chart the movement of every atom from the big bang until the heat death of the universe

me: yeah, it’s Swimfans with an “s.” like the erotic thriller for teens. keep scrolling a bit.. ah, there it is! what did I say? famous, right? bohemian grove guard [speaking latin]: this one dies first

PRONOUN

Welcome to SWIMFANS: UNKNOWN PLEASURES! This week on the pod, we get mad about rent prices, value the inexplicable homies, and ponder about the sturdiness of cover walls in 2024’s CLOUD! #kiyoshikurosawa #cloud linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Still coming to you live from the red carpet, we dive back into the rest of the Best Picture nominees: 2025’s ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER, SECRET AGENT, SENTIMENTAL VALUE, SINNERS, and TRAIN DREAMS! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans #onebattleafteranother #secretagent #sentimentalvalue #sinners

Put on your sparkliest dress, dear listener: it’s time once again for OSCARMANIA! This week, we dip into some of the Best Picture nominees: 2025’s BUGONIA, F1, FRANKENSTEIN, HAMNET and MARTY SUPREME! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans #oscars #bugonia #f1 #frankenstein #hamnet #martysupreme

The world could be such a nice place if we allowed it. It's all so goddamn unnecessary. There's no need for any of it. It's so beautiful here. It should be so cool to be alive

This week on the show, we return to de Palma and discuss cross-genre and split-screen jaunts, shifting your karmic debt to some random guy via magic, and even find the time to discuss interesting choices in skirts and shoes in 2002's FEMME FATALE! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Anime Club is back in session! This time, we discuss letting your passions consume you, movies keeping the audience at emotional distance, and the necessity of fiercely kissing your athletic rivals in 2025’s 100 METERS! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Just finished my taxes. Gosh, adulting is so har- suddenly I hear a rustling of foliage in a nearby thicket of pine. Against my better judgement, I pull back branches to reveal none other than the Chupacabra of Hispanic folklore. It snarls as it drinks the last drops of blood from a desiccated goat.

“You should have 1.5 your annual salary saved in your 401k by age 35.” Oh wow that’s so interesting did you know that the Bantu cryptid Mokele-Mbembe is rumored to be 16 to 32 feet tall and resembles long extinct sauropods ??

sorry babe the In Rainbows bed sheets stay on

My mom has seen a mountain lion near her house and is “considering feeding it.” It’s genetic.

Various figments of collapse made possible by American friends of the NGA, The American Australian Association, UIC school of art & art history and @craigneeson.bsky.social

Merry Christmas folks! On the last episode of 2025, we talk perpetual golden hours, friendships between women, and music to walk to in 2015’s TANGERINE! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Happy holidays doves! Get tinseled the fuck up with us in the last Patreon ep of the year as we celebrate the Christmas season and talk about 1965’s A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS and 1966’s HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

For sale: my idiot son Édouard’s gaming chair. Some merlot and brie stains. I’ve sent him to the Foreign Legion to die in combat.

MAMMALS/TIGER5.GIF

This week on the pod, we live our mantra of Watch Recklessly and discuss a coven of ghouls, how many women you can bump into before it stops being an accident, and the joys of editing in 2013’s CRUSH! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

On a rare Jennless episode, Craig and Josh hold it down talking about Antonio’s jeans, the fine art of translation, and what happens when your fantasies are just as beautiful when they come true in 1990’s TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Swimfans:

i ASSURE you: ANYTHING GOES AT BATHTIME

keoghan’s childish breathlessness turns this moment of explication into something singular and horrifying

who up getting they mars volta’d

can we talk about how images like this set unrealistic body standards for cryptids or are we not ready for that conversation?

Come with us to celebrate the birthday of our Caged Lord and talk America’s love affair with the charlatan, wearing bad vibes like Dark Souls armor, and Craig’s defense of the AMV in 2012’s THE MASTER! swimfanspod.com patreon.com/swimfans

lighthouse enthusiast

My cohosts are not concerned enough about the hairless, humanoid “easter bunny” and I fear for their safety come spring.

X-Files S3,E4 “Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose” is one of the finest pieces of television I’ve ever seen. It’s a synthesis of joyous character writing & astounding acting that’s just absent in the current landscape. S2,E20: Humbug remains my favorite, but hot damn — real writers, real craft! 🤌

Grab your vestments and rosaries and come join us talking about medieval medical footage, the power of juxtaposing the infernal with the banal, and the impact of possibly the most societally relevant movie of the past half century in 1973's THE EXORCIST! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

the mothman keeps telling me that he sees a future for us but I’m like, aren’t your visions just portents of disaster ??

started messaging this grey alien on bumble (girl I know). two days in and he’s already claiming his uncle invented the lasers they mutilate cows with. lol okay big shot

This week on Swimfans: Bloodbath, we yap about folk horror, the basic human joys of music and masks, and mount an oddly passionate defense of forest cults in 1973’s THE WICKER MAN! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Many sea stars begin life as young fairy-like creature (called a brachiolaria) that float through the open ocean. Eventually, a small star forms within them (here in yellow). The fairy-like brachiolaria sinks under the star’s weight, and the star pops out! 🎥@the_story_of_a_biologist (on Insta)

it only took me all summer and part of fall but I FINALLY FINISHED THE REVISIONS FOR THIS BOOK PITCH and i have SENT IT OFF and i am FREE please clap

shooting film 10 years ago: this yashica is neat even if it smells like tobacco. the pictures are good and it's 6 bucks to develop a roll of portra getting into film now: kodak launches new eastman stock to break the alaris strangelhold. it's $700 to import a camera, which still smells like tobacco

Tonight is What It Means to be Dove; on this Patreon episode, we talk Bigfoot, sub-Abdul tracks, and Dafoe fits in our follow-up to THE WARRIORS with 1984's STREETS OF FIRE! linktr.ee/swimfans patreon.com/swimfans

Under my administration we captured 3 gray aliens and 2 green