Mitch McConnell has been sexting my neighbor this whole time.

Mitch McConnell has been sexting my neighbor this whole time.

In the long list of things about Alexi Lalas that piss me off, one is his local news sportscaster voice when recapping matches. Like he’s auditioning for a medium market 11 o’clock broadcast.

Are my family and friends getting tired of me using this as a dismissive response in most of my texts? Likely. Will I stop? NON!

Amen.

Yet another waterway that ships can't go through thanks to Trump, smdh

Bosnian coach and his Jax Teller-ass shoes. Respect.

I cannot explain how deeply this string of posts resonates with me.

I thought celebrities being hospitalized for exhaustion was code for “went too hard on the drugs & drink.” But here I am, 100% sober, fully understanding how one could be hospitalized for exhaustion. Lack of sleep, stress, dehydration, generalized malaise, [gestures] the world. Check me in, plz.

I can't decide which Scottish World Cup chant I'm more proud of: "The Tartan Army's on a bender, Donald Trump's a sex offender!" or "He's orange, he's bald, he likes 'em 12 years auld, Donald Trump!" Outstanding work, lads.

I have always hated Lalas, dating back to when his Spin Doctor lookin’ ass was acting like God’s gift on the pitch. Watching Zlatan and Henry crap on him has been sparking my fucking joy.

There has never been a more spot on depiction of Mom Rock.

Eric Stoltz has become Joe Biden. The physical transformation is complete.

Garden center and taco stand. This is how we party on the weekends in California

as far as i can tell pope leo has never mentioned trump by name hes just like “killing people is wrong” or “concentration camps arent good” and theyre all taking it personally

HEY JD VANCE EAT SHIT YOU FUCKING CABBAGE PATCH KID ASS NAZI BITCH

Did the astronauts get the same Space Flu that felled Hen on 911? Can their terminal condition also be cured through diet and exercise (and the love of one’s work family)?

Lord, I’ve been good. I don’t ask for much, and I try to life a life of generosity and love. But I do ask you for one favor. One little thing to ease my mind and, more importantly, the suffering of millions. It’s the sort of thing you did in Bible times. Lord, you’ve got to kill him.

The apartment in The Bob Newhart Show defies all logic and the laws of physics. It cannot exist in the layout implied. Now if you’ll direct your attention to this rough sketch I’ve made on a yellow legal pad…

“Now, that’s not true is it Mr. President?” said no reporter ever.

They kill fishermen, schoolgirls, community monitors, immigrants, cancer patients. They kill you because you are brown or Black or trans or poor or a woman. They kill you violently and quickly. They kill you slowly. I can’t focus on the price of gas right now, but that’s a way of killing, too.

Max Crosby looks very -a in the locker room, hard r at home.

you know what's fun is to put ", big homie" at the end of famous quotes or whatever. the center cannot hold, big homie

Is today the day? I ask this every morning.

An Olympics story: In 1980, the world turned its eyes to Lake Placid, New York, host of the Winter Olympics. There in the Adirondack woods the newly-built Olympic Village looked a lot like a federal prison — because that’s exactly what it was designed to become. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/v...

They keep thinking of new ways to say survivors of CSA don’t matter. Money is way more important. Feels great.

No Kings includes Draft Kings

Sir Ian McKellen performing a monologue from Shakespeare’s Sir Thomas More on the Stephen Colbert show. Never have I heard this monologue performed with such a keen sense of prescience. Nor have I ever been in this exact historical moment.TY Sir Ian, for reaching us once again. #Pinks #ProudBlue

I love this. And “delete jira tickets” had me cackling.

I love Armenians. They are a resilient and joyous bunch in spite of all their sorrows. Good friends to have. And a great piece of advice from those in the know for pretty much anyone: DON’T MESS WITH ARMENIANS.

Who wants to chip in on renting some ground penetrating radar and road tripping to the Rancho Palos Verdes golf club to do some forensic archaeology?

If you follow Zodiac or Dahlia stuff, or if you read/watch Michael Connelly stuff (I’m all of the above), you MUST read this article. I listened to the podcast and it was trash. Maddening, irresponsible, illogical trash. I see Connelly in a new, unflattering light.

Shut down the government. All nations boycott the World Cup. General strike. Don’t pay federal taxes.

IS THERE NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PERSON IN THE GOVERNMENT OF THIS COUNTRY WITH AN OUNCE OF COURAGE

My hot take is that at minimum a domestic violence conviction should carry a lot more of the shame and restrictions of a sex offender; it should ban you nationally from gun ownership, jobs in law enforcement, schools, pretty much any public sector work. It’s our clearest red flag for future violence

Name a character from a tv show that you really really really wish was real.

Does Karoline Leavitt’s big gold cross pendant care to comment?

He’s still gotta fly back. 🤞

They should give Obama a second, super special Nobel Peace Prize.

Does he still pose like that now that everyone knows he does it?

Givsor Tatlum has overcome so much this season. A real inspiration.

Thought you’d get a bigger bonus at the end of the year. Very disappointed. Your kid is failing math. Very disappointed. The bakery is out of carrot cake. Very disappointed. Fuck you, man.

I can’t count the number of shows I’ve seen there, so many of my favorite bands. What a time it was.

Me, when it happens. Here’s to 2026!

Wrapping paper with a grid printed on the opposite side should be industry standard.

all I want for Christmas is the ability to remotely induce heart attacks in other people using my mind