Nobody tells you that following a cancer diagnosis you're going to hoof yourself up as many hills and mountains as you can in some kind of futile attempt at beating god to the finish line

If you chuck em a few quid by buying the time limited digital album with bonus tracks from fucking Killer Mike and 3D then they actually get paid

NEW KNEECAP RECORD FUCKING SLAPS NICE ONE TA

Congratulations on making it to May if you're a ladybird x

About to descend Skiddaw via Longside Edge if anyone fancies a scrap xx

There is absolutely fuck all better than the forbidden afternoon brew

At the summit of Pendle if anyone fancies a scrap xx

Been together almost 17 years but my partner has only just discovered that unicycles annoy me and I can't wait to see how they weaponise this new information

Feisty little thing I'll tell you that much

About to walk along Striding Edge if anyone fancies a scrap xx

The duvet is the guts the cover is the skin I don't make the rules

Ah! Well. Nevertheless,

Told my partner that when I go I want to be burned or buried in my Frank Reynolds hospital gown lying face down with my arse out in an open casket

Just apologised to a ladybird for calling it a fucking idiot when it got stuck on its back but then cleverly recovered by briefly opening its wings to push itself back over

Absolutely do not give a flying fuck about that perverted posh cunt

Just been bollocked by a male blackbird we are so back

What if I put creatine on this pizza what then

Every time a new person arrives from twitter

Ryvita being horny on main is it

Millennials will literally get a full sleeve of tattoos and enquire about adult beginner gymnastic classes rather than go to therapy

Absolutely delighted to announce that I made 16p before tax on redbubble yesterday so never stop dreaming ✨❤️🥂🤑🙏

Feel free to use this image of trifle if you need to upset an Italian

Abolish years

If you get married in England this is where you have to consummate it otherwise it doesn’t count and you’re killed for treason

Asking the manager of the spar to bar me so that I can't buy maoam pinballs 4 days a week after the gym anymore

Oh him? No that’s just Misogyny Dave, he’s actually a good leftist and a great comrade. Yeah everyone likes him and all his ex girlfriends said nothing bad to me, his best friend, when I asked them about it while he was, oh, several feet away.

Petition for someone to pay for me to travel to Ireland to see their remaining gigs of 2025 and also arrange for me to be in the sticky pit at the front so I can bounce around and get sparked the fuck out for being engl*sh

FUCKIN KNEECAPS ELECTRIC BOOGALOO 2 FURIOUS

Just met god (had a butty from tib street ad maiora)

FUCKIN KNEECAPS

Is this a Cold Sore Stevens thing

FFS was going to do maximum adhd respecting but doesn't even arrive in time for the big day

They should do a remake of the gunpowder plot where the other guys win

The problem with listening to lots of kneecap while learning Irish is that I don't yet know how to introduce myself but do know how to politely ask for a small bag of ketamine

The cure to being very very tired is bouncing round the internet on your phone for several hours in bed

every day is vacillating between everything matters too much and lol nothing matters

white house has joined bluesky click here to block all official us government accounts instantly bsky.app/profile/did:...

It's yer fella with the nike air shoes

How to mute Starmer's stupid ham face

Good

Not on commission or anything but if you fancy contributing to the survival of an endangered language it is currently free with Mango (I'm giving Irish a spin)

No advertisement has ever been as effective as this advertisement I have never used a synth but now own thirty Orchids

Talking in Avril Lavigne lyrics over on upscrolled and you're telling me bluesky is better??