Nothing slaps as hard as a crispy fountain soda.

Right now! 🥳

Tonight, I went rollerblading for the first time in… SO many years. That was so much fun, and (and this part is very important) I didn’t fall down!

If you’re having a bad day, listen to Phil Collins. I don’t make the rules.

Am I listening to Genesis all day?? Why, YES I AM!

No, YOU just punched yourself in the face because you mistook your own hair for a spider in your eye. Why would you do that? …..

I would like to stay at the Pokémon Resort, please.

Today has really very big Thursday energy and it just is also very much not Thursday. Who did this?

Just found a spider crawling on my arm and didn’t have a panic attack. I call that growth.

Oh, HELLO.

SEE YOU AT BEERY’S FRIDAY!! 💜💜💜 @badmaryband.bsky.social

SEE YOU AT BEERY’S THIS FRIDAY!! 💜💜 WE’RE PLAYING TWO NEW SONGS THAT I DONT KNOW THE WORDS TO YET.

Fam, I’m still thinking about the salad I got in Super Nintendo World. Like… it was legitimately a great salad.

I’m pretty sure it’s against the law to skip Sussudio.

Kick out the jams Sweethearts and motherfuckers!

If you’re supposed to like… “find your niche” on TikTok, what does it mean when your most popular video is you trying to play songs using the buttons and the beep boop noises on your washing machine? What am I supposed to do with that?

it's actually not against the rules of hungry hungry hippos to grab marbles out of people's corrals and move them to your own hippo's corral by hand. I checked.

Can we talk about how much water I DIDN’T drink today? Because……… Oops. 🙃

You know that thing where the bugs outside at night sound a little more like autumn bugs than summer bugs? Yeah. Yeah, that.

Mashed potatoes are more butter than they are potatoes, I don’t make the rules. This is the way.

Why are Flaming Hot Cheetos so good.

Bad Mary/Kmoy collab called Sad Larry and the Skankers and yes I am the entire target audience for that joke

A fountain soda would slap so hard right now.

you heard it here first: ska is good

My bag is so heavy that it’s gotten to the point where like… there could be a whole ass bowling alley in there. I don’t even know. #MaryPoppinsBag

This is what it’s like. #editing #video #editingvideo

Mike and I just started watching the OG King of the Hill for the first time. And WOW it’s fucking great.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MIKE!!! 🥳💜✨🎉 You’re the best and I hope your day is the best!! @mikestaub.bsky.social

Maraschino cherries are just dessert olives, I don’t make the rules.

Forgot to use my setting spray. Today’s eyeliner is going to be an ADVENTURE.

Y’all, I have a problem. I just… I REALLY just… CANnot stop listening to The Doobie Brothers.

The constant struggle between being a creative and needing to put yourself out there, also wanting to unplug entirely and quite literally never be seen again.

PSA for anyone who needs to hear it: Your car comes standard with turning signals. Fun fact - THEY ALL DO! Feel free to try it out next time you drive!

The LI Ska Punk family is the best. #ska #punk

Just wanna say a big thank you to whoever figured out olives were a thing you could eat. Much appreciated.

Oops!…I Did It Again (Forgot To Take My Lactaid) The title of my memoir: Vol. 4

Just found a can of seltzer in my purse. I don’t know how long it’s been in there, I just know that I found it. I found it in my purse. Where the seltzer cans go.

I didn’t lose the game this time.

The only problem with the playlist I’m listening to is I always want the next song to be MMMBop, and it’s not.

Hey hey hey hey hey. IT’S SUMMER SLAM.

“Wait, What Was I Saying?” The title of my memoir: Vol. 3

I hate when I buy an old child's toy at a flea market or antique store and it isn't haunted.

💜💜💜💜

I thought it was you!! 🥰💜

drive by run in with @badmary.com in time square 🤪

Tysm 🥺🥺🥰💜💜

We’re on an aisle. We’re definitely getting Demagorgoned. #StrangerThings #TheFirstShadow @mikestaub.bsky.social

About to see Stranger Things on Broadway! If you don’t hear from me, it means I’ve been eaten by a Demogorgon. It was nice knowing you.