::first day as warehouse manager:: "ok bucko, if you've got time to goon you've got time to broom"

::takes long drag of cigarette:: "listen here kid, you wait long enough that pile of clean clothes on your bed will slowly turn in to a pile of dirty clothes on your floor."

getting in trouble for inappropriate toyotathon behavior

😤

how do I know if someone I'm dating actually likes me or if they're just using me for my personality, intelligence, comfort, and sex ?? 😠

ME: ring ring FRIEND: hello ME: i invented a bell that goes on your finger FRIEND: cool what do you call it ME: i just told you

Every installment of this MTG rehabilitation tour feels like “Nice Scorpion Regrets Past Stings, Needs Help With River Crossing!”

T R A N S G E N D E R

T R A N S G E N D E R

Seagate Barracuda probably your best choice if you want a hard drive named after a fish

wtf no one wants my empire of dirt 😫

When I make a huge batch of scrambled eggs

how does this keep happening we were told this was the best asset in the world

ok is this the bottom is will it drop some more?

what do you think folks, can we go lower???

this week I'm ready for FCF

it's down to $92k from $120k when I made my prediction. ppl are liquidating.

is testosterone bad for hairlines? because so many of these "high T alpha males" are balding at 28

Logging on GM

Long ago on the hell site I made long list of historically interesting things to use in dnd ttrpgs and I'll start dragging them over here starting with 2000 years-old sapphire ring presumably belonged to Roman emperor Caligula, depicting his fourth wife Caesonia.

are you a boring normie or are you a

new rule: you can't say the word faggot unless you've sucked at least two dicks for fun.

anyone want to link me to a good summary of whatever schumer's stupid ass just did??

kerning is my pa ssion

ever be single and lonely but also don't want to meet anyone new? it be that way sometimes imho

Dick Cheney dying is the number 2 spot of my "people I hope die before christmas" 🤗🤗🤗🤗

she cute tho

sundays are for le petit mort (jorkin it) and le grand toilette (shower, shave, face mask)

If I can buy and sell 7 more houses each with a 200% mark-up I'll be set to retire early 🙌🙌🙌

yall, the people on Threads™️ think this a real map or think it's a.i. 😂😂

I posted Becca's fake highspeed rail map to the MAGA group on Threads™️ and people are melting down.

I've been anti-a.i. this whole time, but I'm starting to wonder if I should embrace it. I don't want to be like those boomers than can't even rotate a PDF. a.i. is the future of technology, and I shouldn't push it away. no, no, I should learn to use it so a.i. can do the things I love

forgot to post on FCF 😫😫😫

the canadian tariffs don't matter because most americans are too uncultured to realize they aren't actually eating maple syrup with their pancakes.

damn girl you got a cute ass prostate 🥰🥰🥰

Threads™️ users are a different breed man

sir, this is a wendys (he ordered too many frostys)

it was him all along

just now on Threads: user 1 "no one realizes california is going to flip and it's driving the lefties crazy" user 2: "if no one realizes, the how is it driving them crazy?" users 3 through 15, replying to user 2: "omg you dipshit maga with your dumb talking point it's not driving any lefties crazy"

settings -> moderation -> moderation lists

dudes be like "my love language is cumming" 🤗

lol. lmao, even.

bsky ain't what it used to be. back in the day, only your mutuals would say something like this to you.

jfc I just found out Kid Rock is only 34 years old. dude looks like absolute shit.

hot take: the internet was better before ToS. just a million little fiefdoms each ran by their own loving-but-merciless lord.

:: Jimmy Fallon voice :: "Here's something in the news, have you seen this?" 😂😂 LMAO classic!! That's why he's america's favorite late night host. 😂🤣