Trying to pick pizza toppings with your puppygirl GF but she always chooses cat shit.

there's no way i'm the product of the height of evolution, if a big red button appeared in my apartment that said 'press this button to break both of your legs instantly' i'm not sure how long i would have my legs for. it'd endlessly taunt me and i would stare at it

Charging my crystals under the full moon, and by "crystals" I mean genitalia and by "full moon" I mean showerhead.

Motherfucker.

Anthropologist: we think this was a ritual location, where the ancients practiced sun worship The ancients: Had to carve that hole so we could see the boobs we drew in the mud inside of the Jackin Off Pit

"Feed Jake" by Pirates of the Mississippi was about CGI Scooby Doo.

the pact