thanksgiving should have its own santa. there should be a guy who puts turkeys in your house

I am really really tired of it* not happening *who can say

they are going to do 0% of this brother

It's the same party. Stop pretending the Democrats and the Republicans are two different entities. They are both the system that runs the U.S. and it's a system that upholds white supremacy and corporate greed. Some of you are truly too smart to not get this and I'm starting to question your motive.

[chuck schumer voice] i think the child trafficking the American people care about is how long it takes to pick your kids up from soccer practice

it's been several days of trump's white house tiktok account posting taylor swift songs with no comment by her or her management. please let this be the thing that somehow snowballs into letting me go 1 full calendar year without having to hear about her

obama ruined the word hope for me. whenever zohran says it i'm like getting zapped psychically

it is kind of funny that the election has overridden what would have normally been an entire day of dick cheney coverage

ok it's time for some nostalgia. who else remembers when dick cheney died

i know the NYT and other widely read publications have prewritten obituaries ready to be copy pasted out on a moment's notice but it's funny to think about how long ago they must have started on the Cheney obit some guy st the paper back in the 90s was cranking out a first draft

one of my old man traits is i honestly don't know the name of the type of computer i own or the phone i use every day, i'd have to check and my best guesses would be wrong

woke mortal kombat announcer: finish they/them

tired: no nut november wired: no november nut (nutting while tearing the november page out of a calendar)

there's such a long line of cars waiting in line at chick fil a that they have employees outside taking orders. every single one of those people in every single one of those cars is fucked up. you can get hospital food level chicken at other places

unlit brain: trunk or treat galaxy brain: driving around neighborhoods to find individual houses with new homeowners who clearly prepared for kids that weren't there and nabbing their entire haul

october 5x5 🤷‍♂️ 🎃

At the food pantry I volunteer at we were absolutely swamped today and by many first timers. We ran out of whole categories of food. Please donate cash to your local organization if you at all can.

the white house being altered seems like the 12-millionth worst problem in our country right now but you wouldn't know it by looking at bluesky

@synthstatic.bsky.social i've been listening to peki momés all day thank you lol

(something incredibly specific that i'm trying to write as if it's a common experience we all share but it unintentionally reveals something about my life to you that you wish you never knew in the first place)

i'm doing everything everyone is complaining about in the quotes and i do all of them every day 100000000000000 times

the DNC advertising the no kings protests should tell you everything you need to know in 100 different ways

getting 1,572% of your daily maximum safe amount of lead per serving probably feels so good when you don't have consumer reports in your ear telling you it's nasty

why do so many people on this site talk like....that. this site has a Voice and it's "guy who hasn't been told that he's annoying in too long"

there should be a sequel to hawk tuah called hawk 2uah

"turn your monitor on lol"

PSA: you do not have to listen to bad music. free yourself (unless you work in retail)

I’m sharing a Palestinian account every day and today is Majd. Majd is just 23 and was hoping to be a teacher before all this. She has been displaced with her family and they are living in tents, including her sister Ahd who is 20. She is hoping to continue her education and help her family survive❤️

just heard about this Hawk Tuah girl. this stuff is hilarious. you spit on the penis

alright well uh see you on twitter. i guess.

i've watched all 10 saw movies and this is my ranking 1. saw 2 2. saw X 3. saw 4. saw 6 5. saw 3 -all below this line are bad- 6. saw 5 7. jigsaw 8. saw 3d 9. spiral 10. saw 4 thank you

rip kaleb horton. he seemed like a really solid dude and i wish we had talked more.

it's always the people you least expect!

usually don't support jailing artists for how they express themselves but i have to make an exception for that cameron winter guy. you need to serve jail time for singing that way

twitter is fyad. facebook is gbs. bluesky is byob. threads is the front page EMT: he's got a pulse, no response otherwise though

ME: Sim Tower. CHOTINER: Sure. ME: Yoot Tower. CHOTINER: Not sure you understand this posting format. ME: Yeah. Seems real popular right now? Yoot Tower, though. CHOTINER: [slot machine dinging and celebrating noises] Yoot Tower ME: Yoot Tower

they smoke loud, don't they?

what if instead of the long walk it was called the bong walk and if you stop taking rips when the bong gets passed around you die

is there like a single to double digit number of people who think the rapture is tomorrow and the number of people making fun of it is like 1000x that or am i missing something

Decided to take a few minutes to save myself a few hours. No more sitting in the car holding up orders so that I can write out the same text 30 times a day.

i was starting to get worried that taylor swift would go a full calendar year without creating additional ways to make a lot more money. thank god. go support queer cinema and see her new thing, she is starving to death without our help

the government is trying to distract you from Hawk Tuah

due to a red line crossing through where i live i will simply walk along the red line which will allow me access to all regions

got my covid shot immediately like it was a limited time merch drop with RFK in office

It's their long history with scurvy

the british people on bake off like the combination of chocolate and orange too much. it's been a long standing issue and it should be dealt with

perspn who didn't know who charlie kirk was 3 days ago: he was always a beacon of hope and reason,

i have decided that mr. bean did the shooting but did not mean to

a woman near me at the conner o'malley show clearly didn't know who he was based on her reactions & i can't imagine what that must have felt like. like getting a 4D brain massage

this guy was the chief strategist for the 2004 bush/cheney campaign but he is now too Woke for msnbc