saw a takeaway place that advertised their dim sims by cutting them in half and showing the cross section. in the politest way possible: what the fuck is your problem?

Imagine having the entire news media, the entire opposition and a bunch of former Olympians attacking you literally non-stop for a month, and the outcome is a poll which matches your 2025 election landslide. #auspol #newspoll

first day back on the low gluten diet, had a toastie from a cafe with gluten free bread. it was only largely inedible rather than completely inedible which seems like a step in the right direction

any wallet recommendations? i have come to terms with the fact mine is gone and now i am open to being hurt again

few things have improved my quality of life more than getting my sleep schedule in order

comedy option: maduro is found not guilty in court

venezuela is being invaded by the US and abc news is showing a documentary about a bamboo bike. surely at a certain point you can cut into this

if you're a bigger guy and want to buy clothes, there are a few choices: - clothes that make you look like a shithead (lowes) - clothes that make you look like a manchild (kmart/big w) - clothes that make you look like a mormon (too many to count) - clothes that do not fit

who called it “barn full of cows that have mad cow disease” and not “cow-loon walled city”

making a new website where perverts can meet each other called kinkedin.com. you can post about... god this is not a good joke

the ahmed al-ahmed stuff is interesting in a lot of ways, but one that i've noticed is that while people have always said "he's going to get free beer for life", implying that the person will be recognised at the pub, people are now also including coffee? interesting change to how we see ourselves

imagine getting sent over to the midwife and someone else gets sent to the goodwife

Nobody. I do not think you can eat chair

if i have to age verify i think i will probably stop using this platform

SECONDS BEFORE THE INVENTION OF PEZ: what am i going to do with all of this slightly orange flavoured chalk?

something i apparently missed is that the price per weight of berocca is roughly equivalent to gold

cloudflare down so what

god there's really nothing like a cool change hitting before you expect it

It's become normal now for high-level political figures to argue that an entire generation was brainwashed through fake videos into mass anti-Israel political mobilization by TikTok. Complete conspiracy thinking, rooted in zero evidence, based on nothing

flounder has an unpleasant alec baldwin vibe

upset by chips

if you're the sort of person who puts coleslaw on a chicken burger i have a question for you: what is your fucking problem?

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

i want to make a movie called “bad will hunting” about a janitor at a university who doesn’t know SHIT. he’s a fucking buffoon

fun new thing in windows 11: there is no calendar app! if you open it, it will simply open outlook instead. they are really trying to nuke their user experience, hey?

you've heard of The Expendables, now the australian parliament is bringing you: The Unelectables

Seen an ambulance pulling up to the hospital..i hope the doctors are ok

the gas burner in my house has the exact cadence as the intro to Amy AKA Spent Gladiator 1 by the mountain goats. every time a burner takes a second to catch i get that song in my head

free business name for a male hairdresser in brunswick: Socialism or Barberism

normally i don't care about remakes being shitty but god damn this looks bad

saw a guy at the cafe this morning who’s entire vibe reminded me of winston at the end of 1994. grim stuff

a guy i know is a tiktok comedy guy and god is it bleak

b positive is a slightly too silly name for a blood type

cannot express how excited i am for this. last time i saw them there was an older couple who clearly did not know anything about the band and they seemed shocked and slightly terrified by the fervour everyone sang along to "no children"

imagine going to someone's house and everyone in their family eats nutella. like all of them love it and eat it daily. this is the hell that nutella ads would like you to experience

ME: so yeah thats how i became an obstinatrician OTHER DOCTOR: don't you mean an obstetrician ME, SUDDENLY FURIOUS: NOOOOOOOOOO

kind of wild that big pharma isn't kicking up more of a stink about the anti-vaccine stuff, that's big money for them. you'd think they'd be more actively contesting the shit the US government is saying

MIT’s NANDA initiative found that 95% of generative AI deployments fail after interviewing 150 execs, surveying 350 workers, and analyzing 300 projects. The real “productivity gains” seem to come from layoffs and squeezing more work from fewer people not AI.

it's so frustrating that the chronicles of darkness are such a soulless followup to OWoD. absolutely unreadable stuff, and it's going to make the upcoming game way worse

GUY WHO DUE TO DECADES ONLINE CAN ONLY SEE THINGS AS BEING MOTIVATED BY SEX: actually this complex and multifacted cultural thing is just a disguised fetish

just letting you know that the gold coast earthquake didn't impact me. i guess roughly 1700 km of land between me and the quake was sufficiently insulating

imagine if they had made a version of glee where all the songs weren't mixed so lea michelle was the only audible thing. that would be great

getting some real conflicting messages here

two (2) people randomly complimented me on my beard today, bringing the total number of compliments i’ve received from strangers this year up to two (2)

remember when people said things were "on fleek". that sucked. i hated that. why did people do that

trying to stop bluesky showing me shit i don't want to see is a real battle, i have more accounts blocked on here than i accumulated in like 16 years on twitter

"the martian" is just "hatchet" for adults

here are my three children, macaulay culkin, fitzroy culkin and carlton culkin