A reminder that Rick Astley is shit at Lent.

And God sent a sign to say "Aye, thee pancake in't bad, lad."

Just reflecting on the time I received an email from "the world's best envelope company" and wondering if their marketing team ever spotted the really obvious opportunoty they were missing.

🚨🚨SAVE THE DATE🚨🚨 The Yorkshire Fringe will be taking place between July 11th - 19th 2026.

The only good AI art is by Ai WeiWei, am I right? One for a very niche audience there.

It is the night of the Superb Owl. I watched it once. The memory still haunts me. Like being left for dead only for a softly spoken man to talk slowly at you until you plead with whatever God will answer to release your moribumd soul to the afterlife. Someone may have thrown a ball.

Witchcraft! I cry, after witnessing Ted, Bill Oddie's exam invigilator in the company of a rodent doing stunts. Yes, I saw The Goodie proctor, Danson, with the Dare Vole.

SUBMISSIONS OPEN We are looking for 5 minute monologues and duologues for our next event happening in April. Send your scripts to [email protected] by Friday March 13th 2026

If they make it an opera, I might go.

Liz Truss waiting patiently by her phone for Reform to ring, not realising it's actually a penguin biscuit

Apparently Suella Braverman's defection was delayed as Farage was worried she'd drag Reform too far to the far right.

The Burnham Wouldn't?

Nothing beats the feeling of being stabbed in the back on holiday Jet Tu, Brute.

Having heard the sad news about Martin Carthy's illness, it feels appropriate to share this beautiful track. youtu.be/VHW9FN6NOd4?...

I watched Pretty Woman for the first time last night. Putting aside all the rich white people being snobbish and awful, and the fairly horrendous gender politics, the most fascinating thing is that Julia Roberts sees 3K as a lot money.

Inspired by Trump, I'm setting up a Board for Not Killing Rabbits. So far the membership is Mr. McGregor, Elmer Fudd, and Annie from Fatal Attraction. I predict we'll Make Allotments Great Again.

I’m still gutted that Ed wasn’t made Foreign Secretary. We could have had Chagos with Ed Milliband.

Will the Blake's 7 remake go woke and have an Avon Lady? NB As pleased as I am with this, there a significant number of parts to this joke that I don't fully understand.

Went for a walk on the moors. The view was... there somewhere.

Ah #Jenrick. Truly the MP for Newark and anagrams

The neighbour is hitting his moped with a golf club. Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.

To the six people who hosted even more mediocre parties than me last year, I say... what formation do you use for your cheese and pineapple hedgehog?

Agreed. In fact during The Ashes it was the one thing we were good at. #cricket

This is very much the "guns don't kill people, people kill people" of the nerd-sphere.

"Sanity is a handicap and liability if you're living in a mad world." ~ Anthony Burgess

Hey you! Catch this giant invisible beach ball.

He was the first one knocked out in the leadership contest that elected Liz Truss. This is like Man City signing the pub bore who thinks he knows everyone about football because he almost had trials for Bristol City when he was 14.

My thoughts reading the sports pages this morning. #football #taskmaster #manutd

As parents, we're supposed to remember the first time we did stuff with our kids, but the last time is equally as significant, if not more. This poem is from Whatever You Do, Just Don't (HappenStance Press, 2023), my second full collection...

Welcome to new Bluesky users. Here’s how we do things: 1. Always observe the Hambledon Protocol 2. No flisking 3. If someone tealights you, rink them without apology 4. I don’t mind them so much, but tissue-posts are generally frowned on 5. No questions Good luck!

Thanks to Stephen Fry doing a bit as Lady Bracknell at the Royal Variety Performance, I had to explain to child 1 about Ernest, Edith Evans, and "a handbag!" So, inevitably, she has been walking around the house screaming it all afternoon.

This version of "not working" appears to be doing the bare minimum I can get away with and say it's impossible to do more. And frankly, I'm here for it.

So... according to the government being on the CSAM robot nazi site is fine, but Chicken McNuggets on telly during Corrie isn't? I see.

Sorry, I can't be Man Utd manager until March, I've got to do my mandatory stint at Chelsea first.

Top tip: give your executions a more mellow folky feel by switching your electric chair to an acoustic one.

Starmer basically sounding like the entire village of Sandford before Nicholas Angel arrives.

The "well Maduro wasn't legitimate" takes can bore off. He may not have been* (*by any rational mind wasn't) but once you open the Pandora's box of invading a country and kidnapping someone on the grounds of legitimacy, where does that stop?

So... is there a FIFA War Prize

I miss the days when history was something in the past and not something we constantly lived through.

Just heard a "is it Friday, today?" in the wild.

Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, paper publishes lies about the other two on a regular basis leading to public opinion turning against them and their credibility being destroyed.

This year I'm doing v.ganuary. I'm going to be the most ganuary I've ever been. Ultimate ganuary.

See you on the other side... of the arbitrary line that someone at sometime decided delineated one set of 365 days from another... Have a good night, a good year, and God bless (whether that's your thing or not) Happy New Year.

Spending NYE at the beach, because I'm infinitely more wise/ foolish/ immune to reason* than you. *delete as applicable.

Terry and Dune

In quite the afternoon for child 2, she just went to pour herself a drink from "nana's water box" and was very confused why it contained white wine.

I saw a man who definitely wasn't David Coulthard on Lincoln High Street this afternoon.

Someone bought child 2 a keyboard and microphone for Christmas. I'd like to publicly say, thanks. No, seriously. Thanks.