If I worked for KFC marketing I would constantly be trying to get them to reach out to Dave Grohl to collaborate on a limited edition cole slaw called Grohl Slaw

The new Galaxy Z Fold.

I need someone to play Pilfer with me #tgif

My cousin has this Trader Joe’s “Wine Country” chicken salad in the fridge that I’m gonna eat every last bite of when I get home

It is so awesome that a relevant topic in our national discourse now is “concentration camp vs death camp”

I tweeted the wrong thing twice. Fourth time’s a charm

*actively eating a huge thing of nachos* why won't this zit on my face go away, i don't get it

I am getting the word out and engaging my community about my event or business. I am building excitement by getting a conversation going

It’s giving Gavin Belson

No, I didn’t

hey man what are you up to, want to get something unbelievably stupid at a coffee place

Not sorry……………had to 🧩 Puzzle #692 🤔 5 guesses ⏱️ 1m 6s 🔗 alphaguess.com

(Grudgingly) Wordle is legit today

"Popular With Friends" and it's just photos of all of your friends and not you

The watermelon Red Bull tastes exactly like a Jolly Rancher. No further questions at this time

Whoever did it, kind of insane to send me an email about a movie that makes it into my main inbox

Yeah idk what you guys are on, but the president can’t just saddle his main donor with all his negative political capital just bc he’s on the spectrum. Everything he’s done, he was acting under the president’s explicit authority, grace, and negligence

Lmao Gmail "Set a Home Address" k you're my embarrassing, ill-named email address from 1998. i literally would not tell you my middle name even if i had no one else in the world to talk to

I am very tired of all the evil

I don't want any birthday presents unless they can directly alleviate the excruciating lower back pain I got this year from "prolonged sitting"

AI has a better take on this than you, actually

Making an album in my camera roll for bug bite progression.

Taxes are like your subscription fee to being alive

I think "stalker rock" is a good new music genre

Okay Robinhood, you can stop sending me notifications now. I get it

It’s the stupid, economy.

you know things are going well when they break out the turnip photos

These captchas are so shitty there is no way they weren't designed by a robot tbh

Flossed my teeth then immediately ate a Hershey's kiss

“mistakenly deported” oh you mean kidnapped by a govt, aka a war crime

no sweetie its okay your 401k is in heaven now 🖤

I’m at work so long during the day that I have to bring a toothbrush to work

*looks for the worst pair of pants I own*

The list of countries setting an example for ours in real time grows longer by the day. www.nbcnews.com/news/world/s...

May have a quick mental breakdown this week. Not sure yet

😎

Just the best Pete Hegseth quote of all time

But her emails didn’t actually have war plans

My inbox is causing me great pain

Imagine if every time you got into your car, the layout changed. That’s what using the internet for work feels like.

Not embarrassing at all to think a 501(c)(3) can be a government agency. I actually think it's cute and folksy, like none of the DOGE people went to college or something

"Make a Movie About It™️" - America

So glad I bought some Berkshire Hathaway Class A before they basically stopped selling fractional shares, since each share costs as much as a house

Canada is more of an ally to the US than our own president. Sad!

About to wind down with another episode of Severance so unsatisfying and withholding it borders on emotional abuse

Today’s Wordle is legit.

This is finally, an appropriate response. Let’s only re-elect Democrats like this.

What a perfect day to buy the dip! (Me every day til I’m broke as fuck)

Wordle is not legit today