I don’t always look at who’s posting what so I can’t tell if everyone suddenly likes Prefab Sprout or one person if going through a prolonged episode of really liking Prefab Sprout

For every like this post gets I will be unnecessarily unpleasant about a song I don’t care for.

I’m all for a bit of convenience but I take pride in contaminating my own sand

hee hee hee

What evidence did they find for this scientific update? A diary saying “oh my god that elk outside my house won’t stop hooting” I reckon

Having searched Silksong on Bluesky for opinions and accidentally exposed myself to the fanart, surprised that I haven’t seen a dump truck Hornet “Marilyn Monroe air vent” upskirt drawing Or Marilyn rocketing upwards past a heart eyed Bell Beast? I dunno, God made it so I couldn’t draw for a reason

I am suffering from Silksong red flower fury. It is making my left thumbstick slick with digital stress oils

@oldmancrescenzi.bsky.social check out this tiny asshole. Too much of a goddamn fucker to come anywhere near close enough. What a piece of work. Gonna shit in the watering can mate? Typical

Got a two star review of my pub saying it has gone ultra-woke. Ultra! Is there a higher level I can apply for, so I can get one star from these miserable dickheads?

I’m watching and loving Fisk, but my attention is a curse. I single-handedly killed Girls5Eva by loving that. I just this moment guaranteed that Trump is alive by becoming aware of the jokes. The world is curated by a god whose only concern is to bug the shit out of me

Fucking hell I'm great youtu.be/qFB60vNBdYA?...

ME: careful there is a bee on that tree lim WIFE: limb has a b at the end ME: i literally just said that diane

Woke up again with that damp

I’m sorry if this upsets you as much as it did me, but I think everyone should know someone has painted the word TITS on a tree in Sussex

Is this the first time TG Jones has existed? I’m so familiar with this name. I’ve been through the whole “lol they just changed the letters and did the other surname” thing years ago. Everyone I know is acting like it’s new. Why are you all gaslighting my Mandelas like this

Just downloaded Dokuwiki and I've not wanted to write an interconnected series of bullshit internet pages this hard since the 90s

Thank God the kids are taking the reins on this one. Maybe I WILL get to retire

I made this with my own hands but I bet no one will like it

Just sent a strongly worded email to Virgin Active about this biological sex changing rooms bollocks. If they don’t let me cancel my membership I’ll go in every day and shit in the steam room

🎶It’s fun to live in the Barrier Reef 🎶Where all the sea creatures shit piss and queef

I wonder how much less I’d like They Might Be Giants if they didn’t make so many great big parps

Assuming it’s normal when you give up drinking for a bit, to have the number of days since your last booze watermarked onto your vision and every thought Might stay awake until midnight tonight to witness the update

Just watched a massive flock of rooks and jackdaws fly into some woods and just start screaming… at each other? In delight? Anger? I don’t have a clue, I just want to climb a tree and join in, these guys are cool

Went home after the new Naked Gun to watch a Police Squad!, and I now want to watch them both again and again and analyse my response to every joke “Cigarette?” “yes I know” Applause, instant classic “Please take a chair” “No thanks I have plenty at home” Smile, furrowed brow, itchy forearm

Can’t decide whether I absolutely without reservation want this outside my window non-stop forever, or if that would be the worst thing imaginable by a good long chalk

Is “I appreciate you” a thing people say instead of thanks at the minute? The first time I heard it I thought “wow you are super into getting served a pint”, but the more I hear it the more stock and basic it feels. Now I’m suspicious that there’s a subtle sarcasm to any appreciation I receive

Discovering that Robin Askwith was the star of ITV sitcom Bottle Boys, and not Jim Davidson was one thing. To spend the next ten minutes watching YouTube men TheBottleBoys play tunes on bottles was an entirely irrelevant development

The most creatively productive periods of my life have been at a desk job with a computer screen that no one else could see

This reminds me of my old untested theory that it might be possible to ring up a fax machine, let a computer deal with the handshake protocols, then just blow raspberries and scream, and see what the fax machine draws

The shop was shut but guess what, I bought it online. I win again

It’s the moment it relaxes that gets me, and I need to know if that was caused remotely - or if someone coded “if randomised flailing for three seconds doesn’t work, accept your fate, grab hand of nearest human and deliver generated soliloquy”

I regret not spending more time with furries so that i could say “I’m not a furry myself I just think it’s sweet” and on my death bed I’d be surrounded by friends in fursuits and I’d say “I think I’m a dog, I think I’m a dipshit fuckin Labrador” and they’d say “we know” and pat me on the head

Just watched the last episode of Smoggie Queens and it made me feel like a fucking teenager again. Like, just crying without wanting to investigate precisely why. Best sitcom, so chuffed there’s a second series

This thumbnail perfectly reflects how I would react to seeing both people. Burke, joyful, optimistic, potential new friend. Dreyfus, oh no, fuck that, eat shit

Pauline keeps whistling the tune to moonpig dot com and it’s ruining my erotic elephant game

I swear I have respecced more times in Bananza than any multifaceted skill tree rpg

On Sundays in the 80s my grandmother would let me and my brother have a glass of sherry and watch TV. A little 7 year old sipping a schooner of sherry, watching Robert Wagner and Stephanie Powers solve crimes in Hart to Hart. I’ll die before I regain that level of sophistication

I don’t want to own too many tubes of Pringles, I simply don’t have the space. that’s why I want to go to a restaurant where an eleven course meal is differently curated stacks of mixed Pringles from the global range. I will pay £2

Went to a restaurant yesterday and all the people on the other tables were wearing muted greys and washed out blues. It was eerie, like we’d walked into a dressed set. Then I saw a patchwork tapestry hanging on the wall in the same palette, but with a red spot. Then I saw a woman dressed in red.

Meat platter: graze anatomy

I caught two back to back episodes of King of Queens, and was absolutely captured rigid by it. Fascinated. Entranced. In no way entertained or amused, just host to a surging sense that I must watch every episode before I can ever feel whole

Walked in on my mum’s dog not knowing whether or not she’s allowed on the new sofa

What is the process of making a five by five crossword with no black squares? Do you do one across, one down, six across, two down, etc? It feels like such a hopeless effort, just pondering it makes my heart sink and my brain fog up in disgust. I’m sick of thinking about this

Got a Switch 2, played ten minutes of Mario Kart and decided to play Hollow Knight from scratch instead. Can’t help but feel like a dumb gizmo-oriented purchase goon

Gravediggers: hench from shovel work, unsentimental sense of humour and occasional access to redundant jewels. Just the perfect guys

This feels like so much telly I half remember

Asking my friends to fire up their Merlin app then doing a big fart

Who put the oomf into coomfart Shaft Darn tootin

Worzel Gummidge decided he would try having a wank one day, but he was just grasping at straws

Ah, five days where I have to hear people enjoying themselves behind the music on the radio. If I wanted to be around people enjoying themselves I wouldn’t run a real ale pub