Winter Olympics giving me a new game dev fetish

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

Another morning of “oh no so much to do, I literally cannot approach this logistical conundrum”, only to be asked by my boyfriend what it is I have to do, and it is two very easy things

D... D... Dr. Dr I- Dr I am- Dr I am sad... Dr I am sad. Aid me? Dr I am sad. Aid me? "See clown!" Dr I am sad. Aid me? "See clown!" That clown...is me! - The Pagliacci Sequence

If my mum doesn’t stop going on about Guy Martins cheeky smile, and how all the men on the lifeboats loved him, I swear I’m going to ask her who he is

Just realised I have been reading deskilling as desk-killing, and am very glad I realised before anyone asked me what I thought AI was doing to the workforce “You know. Sacking people. Killing their desks if you will”

Okay wow. We're SO CLOSE to 100 reviews. When we get 100, the algorithm sits up and PROPERLY takes notice of us, which will make a *world* of difference. The strongest way right now to support Size Five is to grab a copy and drop a review asap. Your help means everything to me, thank you ❤️

Is it really thirty years since I first thought CHANNEL 4 TOOK THE RISK WITH BIG NIGHT OUT YOU LYING GETS

Had a health check a week ago, and the nurse said “no news is good news”. So their silence would seem to be a full throated endorsement of my morbid lifestyle

My Royal Match Team WhatsApp group is so horny. Hate to be the one saying CAN WE FOCUS ON HATCHING THE DRAGONS at the orgy but the dragons won’t hatch themselves guys

Has anyone in this glassware company even seen a chicken

Get this game you hot gannets, I read out like, thirty words, for it. which to my mind sets me right up for this years BAFTAs

Saw this and it reminded me of this.

Check out his “Monty’s Magic Stars”

Nottingham has its own progress pride flag, and it looks like Robin Hood has kicked out the intersex circle and starting shooting arrows at it

Got this on during dinner and it’s distractingly evocative and nostalgic and I don’t know what it’s making me nostalgic for. What with this and that horrible rocking horse I’m feeling fully haunted by an unfingerable “then”. LISTEN TO IT youtu.be/E2PS-zyugTE?...

CHLOE STOP VOID-PLUMMETING AND EAT YOUR MINCE

I saw a box of Rustlers burgers at the back of the garage fridge yesterday. Really discreet. Then I noticed their slogan, “better than you think”, and the sheer meekness of the situation really made me root for that damn burger

I just asked for milk by saying “milk me”, and that’s going to be my personality now. I’m going to be the guy that asks for milk like that

I’m still coughing. So much for “2026”

A queue of crows on a branch, playing Cawbobs, a game where you have to land your bob on the previous crow’s bob for a raucous caw of approval. HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF COS THIS HAS PROBABLY COMPROMISED MY CERAMIC TXR VENEER

Started watching old BBC kids show The Children of Green Knowe, thinking I’d never seen it. But I half remember every scene so semi-vividly, it’s making my brain itch. This is the show that made me hate rocking horses

Michelin star presentation on this bowl of wet cack

I’m at a pub that’s doing carols. It’s quiet enough that every time I sing “virgins womb” or shit like that, it’s obvious to me that my voice is laughing, and that perception makes me snort and giggle. I think I’m gonna start a fight

They’re called whoopee pies because when the hungry workman took a bite out of one he would always say “who pee in my pie”

Thanks, I just had it stuffed

L’amour, c’est comme une cigarette You suck and then my butt gets wet youtu.be/2FRtX8ijU7s?...

Hello, I'm Sonny Ross: Illustrator of such bangers as below. I am available for commercial work but mostly leaning on print sales while I prepare for parental leave. So by all means share this and buy 5 of everything. Thank you, love u etc www.sonnyross.com/shop #portfolioday #illustration #art

The Spectator is run by fascists. I was obsessed with Kylie Minogue and the fitness machines section of the Argos catalogue.

Replying to the council in judderingly formal language after they refused to cancel a parking ticket. My body is vibrating with the aggrieved and impotent frequency of a man who has been dumped by a building I sent two consecutive emails because something occurred to me. I do not remember dignity

Watched Kelly’s Shoes video again today, and I swear Sex Robot from Whitest Kids U Know was by the pool. Was that robot a jobbing actor in the mid aughts or what. Or is this a universe

Still thinking about the father son team on Lingo. They did crosswords together. The kid said his favourite word was defenestrate. Such a good choice. I would have said something try-hard like antidisestablishmentarianism at that age. He just exuded effortless cool

Watched Lion Witch Wardrobe this week, cos it’s Christmas. What a load of bollocks. Wanted to punch that dithering beaver. Quit pissing about with butter, so help me god. Aslan fuckin’ rates himself an all

Booker's website support desk has a 255 character limit, and after an initial wave of "how dare you disclose your form validation AFTER I click post", I realised exactly how much bullshit I write trying to be disarmingly sweet to people who just want to know what my goddamn problem is

Vape Madness is a real condition that tries to conceal itself by limiting its victims’ ability to type it

You’re feeling jaded, and then you see a driving instructor’s car emblazoned with sombreros and the name L-PASSO. And it feels like the world telling you there’s always something amazing you haven’t seen

It’s looking increasingly like the only way you can ensure your work wins an award is to ask me to do a voice for it

We’ve got to somehow get over this fear of dismissing tech bro philosophy as absolutely ignorant self-serving garbage

You like the A Team cos it’s cool, you hate the A Team cos you reckon you’re cool, you love the A Team again cos you get over yourself - CS Lewis, apparently

Play the man’s horse game what is wrong with you

Our local pub has started selling Roman Sourdoughs. They’re not allowed to call them pizzas. If you ask for a pizza, they are supposed to say “we don’t do pizza, but we do serve Roman Sourdoughs!” If you show them a pizza and say “what’s that” they point to a camera and hiss STOP IT

I’d go to the doctor with that

Just walked into a busy smoking area, said “chuffers galore” without thinking and immediately wanted to bully myself

This is true. The husband just found me having a little cry in my studio. He’s making me a hot Vimto and I’m having a word with myself. Have a look at my website and please repost. www.gailmyerscough.co.uk Thank you.

Had a first date dream that was going well until i saw a toilet in a garden and insisted on having a go on it. Unfortunately i started squirting out of my protruding coccyx and fell backwards into a hedge. My date walked off, tutting, so it probably wasn’t meant to be. Dodged a bullet there tbh

It’s taken hours, days! of jokes, but I’m finally ready to click that link and finding out what the pope’s four favourite films are

Trying to explain my observations on the behaviour of Daily Quests on your Duolingo multiplier to my boyfriend, fully aware that he does not care at all and just wants to learn a bit of welsh

The stir fry section in the big Sainsbury’s has gone! I had to go to five separate aisles to get everything. By the last ingredient, I was really getting into the gameplay loop

PSA for all trans girls, and I do mean all