One was a professional horse trainer, show judge, general equestrian One was a union electrician And one was an air force pilot who died in a training crash when my mom was a baby

we have an embarrassment of riches running for the Democratic gubernatorial nominee in Maine and I wish to god some of them would go for senate or cd2

Be sober, be watchful.

Explaining Maine to visitors:

Back in 1588, everyone still knew that book trees grow better when there's music around, and when you speak to them. Attention and house organ music were the key.

Consider Operation Epic Surry, where the target population is stunned and confused by drones repeatedly playing the Rogers & Hammerstein hit from their 1943 musical OKLAHOMA.

Duncan Idaho...further proof that 'what if a guy was awesome' is a great idea for a character

Don't get a ring camera. The best home security alert system: - alerts to multiple stimuli (visual, auditory, olfactory) - alerts when it requires maintenance - highly portable - self-driven learning (varies by model) - no AI, just I (varies by model) - also works as Roomba for food debris

My dog when I ask who knocked over the trash:

Postpartum hair loss is no joke, it looks like I lost a fight to a chinchilla in the shower

That hole in the breast pump is for cookies

Hey quick question when should I start calling my baby his actual name and not just Bungus McCrungus

A bit different than when you do it in an economy sedan

Sometimes, you can just tell when a headline writer has had a good day.

Sometimes, you can just tell when a headline writer has had a good day.

broke: a lack of geoffreys woke: a geofficit

option 1 is he has gone full revolutionary and option 2 is album called Immense Reckoning is about to drop

Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed. Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art.

A bit different than when you do it in an economy sedan

knife-crow HUMILIATED after being thats-not-a-knifemogged by dundeemaxxing mega-chad machete-koala

Hey quick question when should I start calling my baby his actual name and not just Bungus McCrungus

It’s …. fascism!

I’ll be announcing my new church initiative this weekend: OPERATION EPIC GRACE.

Happy 30th birthday to all Pokemons who like dancing to Enya

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy

That hole in the breast pump is for cookies

Yub Nub, She Wrote

The church is dark, or partially so

Postpartum hair loss is no joke, it looks like I lost a fight to a chinchilla in the shower

Why isn't this a WAY bigger story? Planning to be retired in 2040? Or still alive and on Medicare any time after that? Good luck with your healthcare.

Abolish the legal gender marker entirely. No government can be trusted to have a database of which people have changed theirs, no government has any business tracking what your gender is "supposed" to be in the first place.

laws of England are considered as inapplicable

comes in a green can, everyone knows this milk was also a powder

We got you.

My dog when I ask who knocked over the trash:

a priest cannot be obtained

laws of England are considered as inapplicable

I’ve got to say I’m not all that impressed with these chimney sweeps

Don't get a ring camera. The best home security alert system: - alerts to multiple stimuli (visual, auditory, olfactory) - alerts when it requires maintenance - highly portable - self-driven learning (varies by model) - no AI, just I (varies by model) - also works as Roomba for food debris

this was the single best day of restaurant labor i’ve ever experienced

A pair of Bogs and a bunch of gummy bears

New England weather forecast (latest models)

among my favorite French Revolution details: the King's cousin, the Duke of Orleans, was so shook by the events of the revolution that he not only voted to execute his cousin but legally changed his name to Equality Phil.

this came to me in a dream

A pair of Bogs and a bunch of gummy bears

the congregation may gather at a place apart from the church

My wife is at Marden's and I cannot wait to see what she comes back with

The real estate attorney at our house closing was the fuckin state senate assistant minority leader