nobody: 2018: what if you made a joke in this format

I’m not thankful for anything this year and it’s because everything is messed tf up!

I could probably go down any slide in any playground in America without issue

I wore pajamas to the airport today and as a result all of the flights were delayed

Cartel de los Soles is less real than Iraq has WMDs

Does Pablo Torre ever fuck around? Seems like a good way to find out

I’m still working on thanksgiving leftovers from last year

I’ve never seen joe biden and joe budden in the same room before just sayin

my dick pretty like a girl

Perhaps = when something might be true Percaps = when something might be cap

Update: "it's not Judeo-Bolshevism because in this case my conspiratorial thinking is actually true"

This has gotten very little coverage in the US, but on Monday US military contractors or troops or some other paramilitary group placed signs on a beach in Mexico, claiming it as US territory. (The contested location is close to the SpaceX base outside Brownsville) www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/11...

Fetterman received a $750,000 advance for this with another $300-400,000 going to the actual writer.

Loving the new grok update that makes Elon win every comparison

“precious little pencil” 🤣 like ok, slop bot

The song YouTube plays when they give you a survey as an ad is so catchy, I think it is currently my fave song

banana… …for scale

What the heck did I do 26 days ago

Someone's gotta have some dirt on Trump

Bluesky hasn't blown up because there are no baddies here

retweets are not endorsements bookmarks are not nuts

They’re saying young Asmongold looked like Cameron Winter

(everyone said “sausage” and kept it going) Everyone: Sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau SAUSAGE! Sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau-sau SAUSAGE!

Maybe if they made likes private on here my followers would like my posts, seeing how they’re so embarrassed to engage with them at all :(

They used to pay you to make tweets

Venezuela’s President Nicolas Maduro sang John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ to supporters at a rally where he criticised naval drills by Trinidad and Tobago as well as the US military build up in the Caribbean.

I heard a lot of great things about noise cancelling headphones, but as soon as I put them on not a peep

Im not everyone’s bowl of tea

My college roommate got really stoned one time and swore there was a state called Kentucut.

It probably feels so good to be recycled

Trump sucked Bill Clinton’s dick from the back n sideways and nobody is talking about it, not even the nsfw accounts

Trump blares Phantom of the Opera at the White House with an empty Friday schedule

I know blueskyers will downvote me to heck but I’m ngl we WILL be watching

I need my own Olivia Nuzzi

Too woke for Bluesky lol

If you say “m*rry chr*stmas” on Bluesky you get suspended It’s happy holidays ONLY! That’s why I love this app!

“Even a few democrats”

I really hate that they call it a forever roll because it would never be able to take care of a forever dump

We really should cancel moms they really are too reactionary sometimes

Hot take but I think everyone should have to breath in cigarette smoke even and especially if you have asthma, it makes sense as public health policy if you look at the data

You’re not gonna do shit 🤣🤣🤣

They did and it’s doing amazing things

My mutuals are too smart to press a button. In fact, my mutuals are smarter than your mutuals. Yes I stand by this statement. And no I do not fear any comeback you may type out in response to this straight facts style post,

Big Rigs are trained to drive defensively if you cut them off so I always cut them off because u know they will become beta to my alpha

Ive been on marketplace all day, I perfected my algotihm so it just shows me stuff like this

THIS APP IS A PRISON

Past Michael is a no foresight-havin fuckin jerk.

bluesky has the juice

My tonsils fell out naturally