“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, um, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq…”

So if Iraq, Pakistan, India, China, the Gulf States, and a bunch of other nations are all permitted by Iran to transit, and America is blockading the Strait, doesn't that mean in-effect America is actually blockading the world?

You will live through endless financial collapses, an energy crisis or two, a two decade war, a global plague, and a civil rights movement. And if you ate avocado toast, that's why you can't afford to live.

If I didn't have an incredible dog that brings joy to my life, I'd think we were in a hellish time loop.

Left 2020: “Please wash your hands.” Left 2026: “Best time to kiss that MAGA cousin you’ve always pined for.”

I know there are evil people who are evil because they're evil. I also think there are evil people who are evil because they're stupid. And these evil and stupid people congregate, and at the moment, they are running most of the world into the ground.

Dangerous precedent for Republicans to set given their propensity to let Trump shit in their mouths.

This is correct. They are all in.

RFKJ is personally gonna jack off every adult male until the sperm level increases.

Every time he talks I buy more toilet paper just in case.

The funniest thing about shit this dumb is that there is an entire world outside of America that still believe in science, and this sorta idiocy only lands with a fraction of the entire species. They think saying it out loud makes it true, but it doesn’t. History will not be kind to this America.

A golden statue of a man that the religious right worship is a little in the nose, universe.

“Ok, whichever one of you suggested a soda-themed family holiday boat and decided to call it The Fantacruise is immediately fired. What’s that? Bad timing? Well maybe, but I also told a you the Febola Carnival was a terrible idea too.”

Basically lived my entire adult life going from one military or economic shock to another. The west meddling in nations all over the planet for 80-300 years. 50 years of Reaganomics, cheating, greed. We're underwater every five fucking years, while immeasurable wealth is collected by a few.

Has anyone asked what Kevin Sorbo thinks about all this hantavirus stuff?

“I told the travel agent I was willing to get diarrhea for salt and pepper short rib buffet. Not hanta.”

There are people who watched The Purge and thought, “Yeah, one day a year we SHOULD murder people,” and then there are other people who watched it and thought, “That’s horrible. One day a year we should feed people—maybe like a national day of volunteering.” The former are running America.

Have you even lived if you haven’t teabagged the water in a public toilet?

there is already enough sadness in the world, why do we need IPAs

"They turned the tide against hanta in Nebraska when they rolled out the strategic reserve of ball tanning machines."

Wonder how many people right now are secretly like, “Cccccccccccccccccmon hantavirus!”

What a weird, violent, and superstitious nation.

Reminded of how for decades conservatives said they weren't racists, they were just fiscal.

I love reading Apple News, like: "Shaky Ceasefire Holds" 20 minutes after socials like, "America and Iran knocking the shit out of each other in not war America claims is not a war"

I remember when Rubio used to post stupid bible verses all over the internet like it was some surrogate for moral clarity and ethical decisions. Anyway, I bet the Pope reminded him of that.

Nice work MAGA fucks.

Jesus, we're only a 1/3rd of the way there.

2026 clown shoes are the comically big USA USA USA flag pins they're all adopting.

I'm not big into conspiracy theories, but the NHL draft is rigged.

DJ one set....

This time should be called The Rape of America. The administration is mostly rapists or rape adjacent. Their voters are rape apologists. They rape children, little girls & boys, & women. They're raping the treasury. The environment. Democracy. Venezuela & Cuba. They tried w/ Canada, Denmark & EU.

I think I know:

epic win! now you can travel the world with your ANTI-WOKE passport. wait what? oil and jet fuel prices are HOW HIGH?????

I love how quickly everyone forgot Rudy Giuliani was dying.

I genuinely think half the internet is going to be better when the Russians have no more money to fill this internet with puss.

They push him out there every day and tell him to say the craziest shit possible so they can distance themselves from him when it comes out his brains are made of syphilis and McDonald's pickles.

The year is 2067. The re-animated head of President for Life Donald J. Trump tells the world Iran has no airforce, army, or navy from his ballroom bunker. Only starving Americans in the dustbowl hear the address, as the rest of the world put a fumigation tent over the contiguous United States.

Fuck, man, Quinn Hughes is insane.

And they say he's a failure.

Everything sucks, but we still have dogs, and that's more than a little thing.

It's kinda funny he'll be remember for leaking torpedo oil from his forehead and farting in court and not that whole America's Mayor thing.

They use the word “safe” a lot. Endlessly, in fact. Safe from drugs (Canada), safe from nukes (Iran), safe from Russia (Greenland), safe from Somalis (Minnesota), safe from Trans folks (mutilization). Safe is a whim. Zero accountability. It works because conservatives are terrified of everything.

What were the 20s like, grandpa?

I still have no fucking idea who Will Stancil is. The name is always grazing me, but never quite gets all of me.

Grandpa, what were the 20s like? "Everyone looked like they were having an allergic reaction to shellfish. Except the president who looked like broiled puke. He destroyed everything which is why we're eating dirt. Everything sucked except that one time we went to moon."

I was really hoping Alex Jones was gonna pull off the steal. Just kidding, fuck that guy. Enjoy cirrhosis. I heard it's terrible.

Everything in the US is going to get rapidly worse as the election approaches, especially if it looks like Trump is running out of time to institute the policies of Putin, christo-fascists, and big money.

Kinda proud of this one.

But to this point, “There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization.”