Let me tell you about Homestuck

Rewatching the original Star Trek movies for the first time in decades because I realized my opinion of most of them is based on remembering what I thought at the time, and not on remembering anything about the actual movies.

WAITER: would you care for dessert JEFF: i’ll have the jello GEOFF: i’ll have the geollo JEFF: jesus christ not this again GEOFF: geosus christ

The only really surprising thing about the MrBeast lawsuit is how much the company seems to have gone out of its way to create as much incriminating evidence as possible.

Another change that sucks even more than this one: you can no longer share a post in a DM without typing in some accompanying text.

Thinking about how refreshing it would feel if we lived in an impossible world where sometimes there was just no news. Not a lack of reporting, but a day where absolutely nothing notable happens. "Everyone's chilling. Nothing to report. See you all tomorrow."

Watched it for the second time with a group of friends last night and I can safely say this is my favorite film of 2024. Almost two full hours of perfect comedic escalation.

me, introducing two warring strangers to a common enemy: you’re both wrong, the plural of octopus is octopeese

Leave it to Bennett Foddy to transcend the “devs react to speedrun” series with an extended meta bit

Generally, in my daily life? No. When news about a manosphere influencer ODing live on stream shows up in my feed? Yeah, for a little bit.

(at a dinner party after the antichrist turns another expensive bottle of wine into water) dude get the fuck out of here

Putting my life savings on a first-round finish by exorcism

Accidentally said “Harold and White Kumar” and now I can’t stop thinking about a sequel where they recast Kal Penn and visit a regular castle

Breaking: unsuspecting fish concussed by Artemis II splashdown

time to rate some more amounts of money $414,910: that's a whole bunch of money where i come from $50: nice and neat. i love it! $1.06: no offense, but this isn't very much money $1000: don't bullshit me $1002.17: yeah, that's what i thought $614.05: solid $0: hey, wait a minute! $18.93: bad salad

[days later] them: what are you having for dinner me: (remembering something about this post that seemed important) uhhhhh… parabolic sandwiches

An evening with David Byrne

New security training module is trying to brainwash me

On paper, this already has the energy of someone watching the 2011 movie and seeing all the ways they could make it even worse, as a challenge to be met.

Be careful folks, today is April Fool's Day, which means that the internet will be rife with misinformation and posts designed to deceive. Don't worry though, tomorrow we will be back to normal, and the internet will be rife with misinformation and posts designed to deceive.

The couple sitting behind us in the movie theatre are clearly on a first date and I could happily eavesdrop on them all day (movie hasn’t started yet). Being irradiated by awkward date energy rejuvenates me like nothing else on this planet.

Another reminder to anyone desperate to consume more YA content about a magical school: check out the Scholomance trilogy, which is substantially more interesting and rewarding, and doesn't financially support a degenerate.

I wish I could make fun of this but I personally would love nothing more than for everyone in the white house to go to the moon and stay there

Any scientist claiming osmium is the densest element on the planet has clearly never bought one of those $3.50 Costco cookies

Patiently waiting for the day when Disney unironically announces they're going to start remaking all their live-action remakes as bold new animated originals

Adult ADHD mod: instead of panels two and three, use the first panel three times in a row

I genuinely thought it already shut down *years* ago. Like within six months of the Now With Legs era. What.

If Sinners came out in the 90s there would be an SNES and Genesis game that would be made by totally different developers. The Genesis version youd play as Smoke and you’d have a gun and in the SNES version you play as Preacherboy and you fight vampires with your guitar

“The lord speaks only through big naturals” is the closest thing to modern Shakespeare I’ve ever heard

My favorite moment of the Oscars last night was Kumail opening the envelope for Best Live Action Short, finding out it was a tie, and then trying to calm himself down by repeatedly telling everyone in the audience to calm down.

Never related to a meme harder than I do with this one right now

But doctor, I am Pagliacci

Thankful beyond measure to still be employed, but I am also so very very tired of dealing with the workplace equivalent of survivor's guilt every time colleagues are laid off

I once flew to New York to eat a bunch of oreos with Shaq

Slammed by Scam, Shamwow Vows “No Kowtow” to Flimflam

So long, time changes!

If there’s an official term for seeing something nonsensical within a context that fools your brain into accepting it as unquestioningly rational, I hope it’s named after the Street Fighter II minigame where you have to kick and punch a sedan apart as fast as you can.

I personally can’t stand cantaloupe, but more broadly speaking I’d like to offer up cantaloupe as the cilantro of fruits, in that nobody is capable of having a neutral opinion about it.

The first time in my life I felt severely unwell on a plane was watching Kangaroo Jack (2003). Not because of a particular scene, but because it was just so bad that my brain started trying to kill my body.

Heartbreaking: the worst country you know just won both hockey gold medals

Was lying in bed this morning at 6am when a muffled version of the X-Files theme song came seeping in from somewhere outside, and my first sleepy thought was, "oh no, aliens," as if an extraterrestrial strike team would use that theme like it's their wrestling entrance music.

Made the mistake of listening to a vocal coach talk about Golden this morning and now 👏 I'm 👏 gonna 👏 be 👏 humming 👏 this 👏 all 👏 day 👏

Just a normal person who added me to a normal list

Was trying to remember a Will Forte quote from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie and accidentally figured out how to make Google’s AI tool shut up

There’s a special place in hell for people who always try to book meetings at noon. And in that place, the demons keep booking mandatory torture sessions at noon when the rest of the damned get to have lunch.

pitching my co-branding idea to disney and 7-11

There’s one perfect crossover between fitness dorks and anime dorks and it’s MHA’s You Say Run, the greatest cardio hype track ever made.

pronouncing both of them like attache