Was skimming through the Wikipedia page on world records in chess, and this has to be one of the funniest things that’s ever happened in the history of the sport.

I'm about two and a half weeks into going for a run almost every morning and, while my legs have stopped trying to eject themselves from my torso in daily protest, the rest of my body has begun politely suggesting I consider rolling into a comfy little grave now to save myself some time

It was worth complaining to my friends about how snooty the new Oakridge mall in Vancouver is gonna be, because now they're trolling through the online store directory and I can't stop laughing.

It should be standard film review practice to deduct a star from a movie’s rating every time a character says “this is the only way”

Somebody in my neighborhood owns a cybertruck and every time I see it I weigh the pros and cons of going to prison for arson

Calling it now: Widow’s Bay is going to be the best show of 2026. *this post is paid for by the Matthew Rhys Is Always Amazing Consortium

The third-round Montreal-Carolina NHL playoff series is going to be a team that has lost the maximum possible number of games versus a team that has lost the minimum possible, a thing that has never happened before

beware the ides of may

Posts from the floor, a thread (1/1): I went on a thirty-minute run this morning. My first legitimate attempt at exercise in over two years. And now my legs don't work.

Nothing but admiration and respect for the lady I saw pushing a stroller down the street with a pizza box resting flat on the seat and her kid shoved into the rear storage pouch

seeing this filename produced a sense memory so powerful that it would’ve killed anton ego on the spot

This is the only Odyssey adaptation that understands that the hero is an impulsive himbo who deserves his many ass whoopings. It is entirely believable that this Odysseus would get a bunch of his guys turned into pigs by a sexy witch.

do Germans have a word for something that generates catharsis but also makes you want to die

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot and Grogu

Let me tell you about Homestuck

Rewatching the original Star Trek movies for the first time in decades because I realized my opinion of most of them is based on remembering what I thought at the time, and not on remembering anything about the actual movies.

WAITER: would you care for dessert JEFF: i’ll have the jello GEOFF: i’ll have the geollo JEFF: jesus christ not this again GEOFF: geosus christ

The only really surprising thing about the MrBeast lawsuit is how much the company seems to have gone out of its way to create as much incriminating evidence as possible.

Another change that sucks even more than this one: you can no longer share a post in a DM without typing in some accompanying text.

Thinking about how refreshing it would feel if we lived in an impossible world where sometimes there was just no news. Not a lack of reporting, but a day where absolutely nothing notable happens. "Everyone's chilling. Nothing to report. See you all tomorrow."

Watched it for the second time with a group of friends last night and I can safely say this is my favorite film of 2024. Almost two full hours of perfect comedic escalation.

me, introducing two warring strangers to a common enemy: you’re both wrong, the plural of octopus is octopeese

Leave it to Bennett Foddy to transcend the “devs react to speedrun” series with an extended meta bit

Generally, in my daily life? No. When news about a manosphere influencer ODing live on stream shows up in my feed? Yeah, for a little bit.

(at a dinner party after the antichrist turns another expensive bottle of wine into water) dude get the fuck out of here

Putting my life savings on a first-round finish by exorcism

Accidentally said “Harold and White Kumar” and now I can’t stop thinking about a sequel where they recast Kal Penn and visit a regular castle

Breaking: unsuspecting fish concussed by Artemis II splashdown

time to rate some more amounts of money $414,910: that's a whole bunch of money where i come from $50: nice and neat. i love it! $1.06: no offense, but this isn't very much money $1000: don't bullshit me $1002.17: yeah, that's what i thought $614.05: solid $0: hey, wait a minute! $18.93: bad salad

[days later] them: what are you having for dinner me: (remembering something about this post that seemed important) uhhhhh… parabolic sandwiches

An evening with David Byrne

New security training module is trying to brainwash me

On paper, this already has the energy of someone watching the 2011 movie and seeing all the ways they could make it even worse, as a challenge to be met.

Be careful folks, today is April Fool's Day, which means that the internet will be rife with misinformation and posts designed to deceive. Don't worry though, tomorrow we will be back to normal, and the internet will be rife with misinformation and posts designed to deceive.

The couple sitting behind us in the movie theatre are clearly on a first date and I could happily eavesdrop on them all day (movie hasn’t started yet). Being irradiated by awkward date energy rejuvenates me like nothing else on this planet.

Another reminder to anyone desperate to consume more YA content about a magical school: check out the Scholomance trilogy, which is substantially more interesting and rewarding, and doesn't financially support a degenerate.

I wish I could make fun of this but I personally would love nothing more than for everyone in the white house to go to the moon and stay there

Any scientist claiming osmium is the densest element on the planet has clearly never bought one of those $3.50 Costco cookies

Patiently waiting for the day when Disney unironically announces they're going to start remaking all their live-action remakes as bold new animated originals

Adult ADHD mod: instead of panels two and three, use the first panel three times in a row

I genuinely thought it already shut down *years* ago. Like within six months of the Now With Legs era. What.

If Sinners came out in the 90s there would be an SNES and Genesis game that would be made by totally different developers. The Genesis version youd play as Smoke and you’d have a gun and in the SNES version you play as Preacherboy and you fight vampires with your guitar

“The lord speaks only through big naturals” is the closest thing to modern Shakespeare I’ve ever heard

My favorite moment of the Oscars last night was Kumail opening the envelope for Best Live Action Short, finding out it was a tie, and then trying to calm himself down by repeatedly telling everyone in the audience to calm down.

Never related to a meme harder than I do with this one right now

But doctor, I am Pagliacci

Thankful beyond measure to still be employed, but I am also so very very tired of dealing with the workplace equivalent of survivor's guilt every time colleagues are laid off

I once flew to New York to eat a bunch of oreos with Shaq