I wonder if my neighbors enjoy watching me watch 30 Rock in a swimsuit unitard as much as I enjoy existing in this state.

This is hard to capture in photo, but my hair after work today actually looks like Pebbles’ from the Flintstones.

Some curly-haired people DO resemble poodles, from the back.

It seems like strangers in the wild can sense my good-humored weirdness; an exchange with a barista this morning kept shooting back & forth til I found a laugh-button.

How can humans keep saying that we’re the most intelligent species to ever live etc, like isn’t our bias OBVIOUS?

I’d like to see the data on how dog-forward Blue Sky is compared to TwiXter.

I'm the primary bread loser in my family

Learned from a math friend that their old classmates used to describe inter-cohort dating as a “two body problem” 1010101 (binary laughing)

Madewell realized that I stopped using my 25 birthday bucks since it covers no meaningful clothing item, so they offered me a half-birthday $15 just to say they tried I guess???

:: Trader Joe’s cashier shifts nervously :: “Uh, do you need your parking validated?”

Awaiting its tea fate.

Pretty sure this guy is back at First Light with a new date. Same snappy convo-pushing. His vibe is Jesse Eisenberg, I’m realizing!

Enchantée! to the French influencers flooding my Insta feed lately

Google Calendar really exposes its harsh binary when it assumes that, because I haven’t jotted little boxes onto a day, I have “nothing planned.”

Stop trying to make my speech perfect i am not a machine!!!!!!!

Another cat person experiencing Stockholm Syndrome 😢

Opening a new fitness franchise where we really work on our forearm flexors.

Experienced positive sticker shock when I ordered what I assumed would be a stick of focaccia at Sour Duck for $7 and got an entire loaf in a box.

I do feel kinda bad for the baristas & servers who encounter me right at the end of my workday when I’m ravenous — not because I’m terribly rude but because I’m vacant.

Songtowne sold out the Coldtowne Cabaret!!! It’s funny to me that this could be posed as an achievement of our magnetic performance, but MINUMIM 50% of the glory goes to our audience for leaving their house on a Sunday night.

Has there been any other Big Fruit lobby in history besides the banana?

Truly, truly forgot that snakes can climb trees.

Musical sketch show tech rehearsal tonight 🥲🥲🥲 SO PROUD. no joke here. Just so proud. peep @pvk.bsky.social in the credits

Not a vocab brag, but the Merriam-Webster Word of the Day emails I get have lately featured words that I already know & use on the reg - like “fortitude” or “cadence” - & I wonder if they’re genuinely trying to respond to a literacy crisis by teaching words more useful than esoteric.

Sigh. The hardest part of writing isn’t the words. Sigh. It’s the goddamn human heart

I don’t care for this.

Updated my OkCupid profile to say “Do you dream of a swarthy Greek?”

Interesting little match-strike there in the middle of (expected not too disheartening) rejection. Do you think their sincerity is sincere???

Circulating this for May 1st: givebutter.com/mayday-2026-...

I think letting people be awkward weirdos saves lives. How often do you hear of a perpetrator of a mass shooting being a reclined-rainbow-bike-rider?

I caught a fly in my bare hands tonight and set it free out the door. Am I becoming a superhuman

I’m married to Jesus Jesus is my junior high school janitor He needed citizenship We reconnected on Facebook when I was in the hospital for a knee replacement after a horse kicked me at an Adult Jewish Convert Campout.

honestly it’s hilarious that he’s trying to fight the pope and the pope is like “I don’t think about you at all”

Most cat people are nasty and will not admit this to themselves. 🪞🪞

New OBS dropped 🍩

Me: Onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table waiter: white or red? Me, trying to impress my date: whichever onion the chef prefers

A small harvest 🧅🌿

Reopened Nextdoor at the perfect time

There are several organizations doing some amazing work trying to help those in detention, but they are overwhelmed and in desperate need of resources. That’s the story that also needs to be told.

An off-brand hokey pokey called the hookie jookie

Occasionally someone very religious follows me, and I wonder what they’re expecting to find here and how disappointed they eventually feel.

What’s your SNL zodiac? Mine would be Kate McKinnon Sun, Amy Poehler Moon, Tina Fey Rising. 🌞🌙💫

The llama guiding me through April. 🧘🏻‍♀️

“This is my son, Johns Hopkins III”

Ok step one is to make them look less delicious

STOP SENDING M EMAILS

What must it have been like to end a party as a 1400s peasant passing out in a field of barley w/pipes & crackling fire in the distance vs. resting in my parked car to digest the night while the wave transmission box beams Song of the Sea on KMFA.

It’s interesting to see what big reactions people have when I assert that they can do more than they think. “You need to be more empathetic” “I have [insert mental illness]” “I’m not good at [whatever thing]” It’s like all their blocks squeeze out of them and come at me. And YET —

@strictscrutiny.bsky.social grift segment suggestion: Quid Pro Sco!

Am I deeply invested in the Oscars and its outcomes? No. Do I recommend getting dressed up to watch it at Hyperreal Film Club with a reactive crowd? YES!