It really sucks that the “funniest person on bluesky” competition was over before it even began since none of us can even remotely compete with cowaboing on their least funny day

“I had a big lunch and we also stopped at Gas Station and I got Breakfast Bagel”

Trying to #bebrave about daylight savings time

hyping myself up to clean out the waterlogged giant tent in my backyard by re-reading my own goodreads reviews

time to begin the post-Halloweekend Ashamed Vow of Silence

Wrapping up my tweet bender by presenting This without further comment

Oomf says I am spoiled by certain people and it will be the death of me :/

I need to put him in a drawer for safekeeping

Would this heal you

oomfs commentary on this photo series: “Le’s dick is out”

nobody is doing commenting in the group album like I am

For reasons unbeknownst even to me, I was dead set on feeding oomfs the most heinous and disgusting shots ever mixed last night

My latest rebrand : the Phantom Menace

What am I supposed to do with the legs of an Amazon and the personality of Shrek’s Donkey

May have inguinal grooved too close to the sun ln

who the hell was i mansplaining autism to last night? also, sorry i did that

Me and @thankswedge.bsky.social doing us

Need these Paducahns and emma to show up before I start FREAKIN OUT

Banning myself from looking at Depop and eBay. Until next week 😝

if you haven’t gotten Spooky enough, I command you to listen to this and do a dramatic interpretive dance

Whatchyall know about Bat Best

Two Lowly Worms

Gentleman eat their tomahawk steak with the pinky extended

“The best Tuesday in recent memory!!!!”

Happy birthday to my book mom and 5 time world champion of eyerolls and reality checks, @katiewitham11.bsky.social !! we have no photos together but I love and respect you very much!!

And katieweek

I wish Instagram google chrome would allow me to repost story

Addicted to heating pad

Breakfast burrito spot abruptly changed the delightful spanish language music to Poker Face the minute Ollie and I sit down…….. humbling

Sorry for doing capeography at your rehearsal dinner Miss Bailey

Classic

The big disappointment with the phantom’s unmasking isn’t the face, it’s that he’s blonde

Who’s with me

I may be cursed to be highly headache prone with chronic migraine but I’m blessed that I have a reliable way to manage symptoms (roasting myself alive in the shower)

Best Bug Ever Bird Day!!!!!!

People are always telling me I look like Emmy rossum which is extremely generous but I could NEVER have looked that fierce at 16

Need ag cook to remix the phantom of the opera theme

Opening organ notes of phantom of the opera (which I have never seen) and I inadvertently released a guttural roar of “YEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!”

Toxic trait is eating the grapes while I walk around the store

POMEGRANATE SEASON!!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone want the resulting playlost

I don’t miss dating at all. Someone always starting a text convo with me”hey lol” what the hell ar you laughing at

Tough is such a strange badge of honor on our culture. He’s tough as nails? Well I’m sorry to hear it I hope he gets better soon I hope the path to tenderness is like coming home to himself fr

One of my current bad takes is my delusional belief that I could get Ollie’s republican coworker on board with the queers “if he could just see how cute I am”

I am constantly torn between wanted to look compelling and odd and wanting to be completely unrecognizable and discrete to as many people as possible

Affliction count has reached critical levels

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