“You have to be good or Santa Claus won’t come.” -Ma “No. God is the ruler. He makes steel.” -5 year old me, inexplicably

Le is so hot

Gnashing my teeth after being replaced by Cousin Thomas at the family Christmas

Somehow I’ve ended up at the Wikipedia page for Wikipedia itself

All I want for Christmas is to be 5’10

I didn’t say airporn I DIDN’T SAY AIRPORN

What’s everyone up to today

If you don’t use anything say, don’t say anything at all

Oomf two steps away from furry, as usual

Shoulda done ballet

Sometimes you gotta just hang out in the garage

I really struggled with the Wordle today

Getting a LOOOT of mileage out of my new sweater

Love a cheeky 5 pm cuppa joe

Anyone wanna make a henge

i never want eating chili to end

We love our new Shark Navigator Swivel Pro Complete!

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the casual cruelty of a bored cat playing with an injured mouse but that’s basically my coworker

Gonna need some O’Keefe’s stat!

I’m ready for the weekend!

“I can’t hear you I’m having a pizza situation”

Sorry to your favorite song but Jimmy Buffet’s “A Pirate Looks At Forty” is better

Hobo for the holidays

What you all fail to realize is there shouldn’t even BE elastic in a fitted sheet. It should be a tasteful ratchet strap run through a series of belt loops at the edge of the fabric. Simply slip it on, crank it tight, and watch divorce rates plummet!

I don’t know how to take out my earring but that’s not really a problem yet

Deadlifting, so obviously I have to put on my Sick Lifting Music (it’s just white noise)

Get your filthy QR code off my damn tv

Christmas at Cambridge

Do D’s still get degrees or has inflation ruined that too

Home means Nevada, Home means the hills, Home means the sage and the pines! Out by the Truckee's silvery rills, Out where the sun always shines, There is the land that I love the best, Fairer than all I can see! Right in the heart of the golden west Home means Nevada to me

“Am I the only one crying for help? This is so embarrassing.”

“How old are you?” “28” “Fuck you. You’re cooked” “Oh, okay” 22yo Renoite to me. Anyways go Wolfpack

“Everything…. leads to nuclear bombs.”

Sometimes I love the people I’m with so much it makes me miss the other people I love

He’s the Swiss Army knife of college football

There’s not enough to do at airports on layovers. Where are the conjugal rooms

CONGA CLEANUP CONGA CLEANUP CONGA CLEANUP

Tearful goodbye to my curls at the airport as I head back to the desert

“We gonna finna find out”

Oomf has finally bested me

Goodbye taxonomy I’ll never forget you

If you leave part of your costume in our basement it gets locked away forever in our costume chest. Thems the rules

I met with a man who’s a very rational person

I miss cicadas

Can’t stop saying this out loud

I’m oomfs only customer!

“I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers,” I say cheerfully, as I cut someone off on the I-40

It’s been an odd day

Time to break out the long johns yall