the LORD hath wasted no time in putting my newfound faith to the test…and it’s not going great

following extensive research, i have determined the ideal length for a family vacation is 45 minutes

inshallah, the solution shall never be found

roommate just offhandedly referred to her friend Billy the Toad. excuse me!? i would like to see more modern people employ the “[name] the [category]” style of title

and just like that…the pantheon of home goods internet advertisers turned their collective gaze towards me, a guy who is about to move apartments

i have qualified to keep my health insurance for another 6 months i love America!

just a few updates: 1. god is real 2. i no longer have pink eye 3. Z’s Music & Discourse Parlor a.k.a. Swann Salon is opening on Belmont Blvd. in January 2026!!

a new “big if true” bombshell has entered the villa!!!

will my date tonight please open hinge and read my cancellation message (from 8:30am!!) before heading to the bar in two hours.

roommate undergoing an excruciating line of questioning from 2 baby mormon missionaries rn 😨

iso a fragrance like a xerox machine in the faculty break room that just printed 200 copies of an algebra test

at 17 years as a nashville resident, and most of them in one neighborhood, i’m finally ready to assume earnestly the title of “townie”

land acknowledgment in the hinge dms…🤨

someone might want to consider composing a complete Requiem mass to be performed at the occasion of my death. just a thought

god gives me simple trials he knows i can overcome: go to bed by 10pm so you don’t hate yourself at work tomorrow. the nba schedules lakers vs. spurs to tipoff at 9pm 😰😰😰

redownloaded twitter in order to properly lib out this evening

“i would like to kindly invite everyone around me to STOP embarrassing themselves!!”

beginning to worry i have not sufficiently mined my childhood for content

did this today, actually. feeling goddam amazing

in a feat absolutely on brand pour moi, there may not exist a single photo of me dressed as a pickle last night

“relinquish the cat ears at once!!”

“ive heard of affairs that are strictly platonic but items are a girl’s best friend”

this individual is the perfect candidate for a certain lighthearted and mischevious prank!

don’t let em dilute your dew, Orph!

🎵”i dreamed jon hamm lived in my town/ & my ex wife & i began competing to be the more naturally acquainted with him”🎵🎸

weeeeeeee!!!!!

today i learned about perverts

not too bad for a lunch break!

i am not a outdoorsy lesbian bottom…but i do possess certain parallel qualities

“as a child, i’d turn tail and run if i saw an onion in my dinner”

the hard way (creative flow state, meaningful vocation, trophies/accolades) no working… but the easy way (8+ hr sleep, mindful substance use, cardio, and friends) does kinda suffice, tbh

the trick with a word like “choreo” is to act like you’ve been saying it for years when in fact everybody learned it together in the last 6 months

the people have spoken… we r gonna fuck UNO!!

allie is the no. 1 “i can’t believe everybody doesn’t know about this yet” artist for me!

scrabble yahtzee uno fuck, marry, kill

“you’re gonna be the only boy at this dinner, so you better act right”

“modern, mischevious, merry, & bored/ i am making a meme for the woman i like”

proud of this one, ngl

gelato/gelato — to the tune of tomato/tomato

“and remember, the first sipperino is free”

made a big splash returning to work today by sleeping in 45 minutes past my shift

same for me except for the Nobel part; pretty cool

i survived 5 days of rugged, backcountry river navigation and you can tell by the way i wear my keys on a carabiner now

cream cheese kolache I love you

i know what i’m gonna be for halloween; soomfs can stop worrying now

weak in the knees from a euphoric crosswording experience

for better & for worse, MJ Lenderman sings harmony like a guy who shows up late to band practice

now about last night…i go see Ikuru by Kurosawa and stop by the villager afterwards. i talk with a fellow moviegoer for 20 minutes when he turns to introduce himself…

so yesterday my co-worker of 9 years addresses me as Josh…unsurprising! i simply understand that my shadow is in play