Cunt's Snack Shop

just got yelled at for smiling, at my job where i am quite literally paid to smile

made some bomb ass beef yakisoba and topped it with fried ongions and spicy mayo and furikake

my dirty secret is i never got around to signing out of my ex's doordash account on my phone so every once in a while i get a notification that lets me know they are doordashing cold soggy cracker barrel while im cooking something really good and i laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh

my car's ac compressor is going out in the middle of this lovely 100° west georgia summer so if anyone ever just really wanted to **** me for something i did to you, now's the time

got my hair cut right after work bc a customer called me "young lady" from behind today bad news is now i just look like a fat fuck

the haters are sooo mad right now because i am in my cozy bed reading a book and eating ice cream at the same time

you're always excited when a new group of people finally gets close enough with you to give you a nickname but you never expect it to be something like "raccoon hands"

getting past the year mark of my transition has been a tumultuous time in my life characterized mainly by agonizing over my facial hair patterns, taking work too seriously, making some painful adult decisions, going to the library a lot, and consuming very strange pornography.

playfully bit my gfs tummy as she was getting changed from her restaurant job and got a mouthful of chickeny dishwater flavored skin from where she apparently spilled a dish tub all over herself and did nothing to warn me about it

god is testing me. oh you had a shit day? your roommate who hasn't greeted you once in a week is going to stop you in the literal doorway in your work clothes groceries in hand and ask you something innocuous but so fucking infuriating and react to your answer in the most obnoxious way imaginable.

didnt get home from the airport until 3 this morning, had to get up at 8, my house is a mess, ive been giving rides and running errands all day, my back is acting up, i need to be looking for apartments, im mad at my mom, im broke as fuck, i have to go in and close tonight, and im not off til sunday

ngl even at the worst of times sometimes u just need to drink some beers and eat some pasta salad and go swimming in the river with ur girlfriends brothers

i sleep regular style (noiseless, maybe light snoring, fairly stationary, wake up slowly and quietly) and my girlfriend sleeps like a tortured wraith (jet engine snoring, pepperings of creepy sleep talking, sudden loud ominous wailing every hour or so, wakes as if we are under active nuclear threat)

we have kind of an unspoken Wall of Fame at work for ways customers describe us to our coworkers on the phone, such as "big white girl," "i was helped by a small latino," "old gay guy," etc and i finally got one today and it was "he was like a short white dude with big glasses and a chain wallet"

i have to move to a less desirable area in a few months for work reasons and my dad is nervous about that and when "i'll just buy a gun" didn't satisfy him i said "well i have buddy" and he kinda laughed. but no like. he is vicious. chihuahuas are the new pitbulls. he would eat someones fuckin face.

friends i hope that i may carry all your thoughts and prayers with me in my darkest hour tonight (my face hairs are comin in really patchy and stupid now so i have to shave it all off and start from beans)

got lost in the wildwoods of south cobb on my way home from dinner and found a gym for guys who are fucked up and crazy

even when we're down we stay winning

lets bite papa :(

love when youre bent way down over the hood of a car and youve been locking your legs a little too long and suddenly your lower back seizes up really hard and you have exactly 1.5 seconds to lock the fuck in before you go face first into a bunch of hot metal

got my first chin hair today can we all please clap

garlic parm chicken with zucchini and potatoes, slightly charred

the only video worth rescuing from my deleted twtter

my anxious little dog who fucking loves eric clapton

roommate gestured to my dirt stache and said "oh wow got a little john waters thing going on lately huh" to which my girlfriend chimed in "he looks like vincent price when he slicks his hair back" do i just have to shave it off and start over.

big fat n sleazy chicken ceazy

got a nail in my tire this morning. went to the tire shop to get it patched. "hey," the tech says, "you're due for an alignment, why don't we just do that while you're here?" sure, i say! kill two birds with one stone. came back 3 hours later and THEM FUCKERS BROKE 3 OF MY STUDS

it is sit in daddys lap and softly whine at him for no reason while he is trying to read o'clock

im on a cut right now which means i paid a whole $5 of human money to eat some chunks of grilled chicken from a to go cup today like a dog

did somebody lose their bird at the games store

got a lil too blitzed at da braves game last night and still got up on 5.5 hours of sleep and pulled a 12hr shift today and even got Specially Commended for my hard work today i'm a goddamn fuckin american hero

i have the most type b friends imaginable. my boy is driving in from out of state to hang out and watch some baseball tonight and he didnt update me all morning then goes "hey im 45mins out" i said "from where" he is en route to a HOUSE I DONT LIVE IN ANYMORE

finally done with this one

had to sit my girlfriend down and gently explain that when i buy, for instance, Chips And Dip, the chips are intended for consumption With the dip, as this is the fifth or sixth time i've done so only to come home to dip and no chip, as she just houses all the plain chips without touching the dip,

🚨 my girlfriend dropped a folk punk album PLEASE go listen i am so proud of her 🚨 open.spotify.com/album/6coPKX...

just got home to find my roommate cooked up a smell in our kitchen so diabolical that its making me lose my grip on reality just trying to pick out the individual notes to figure out what this man cooked. boiled chicken and cinnamon????? with rotten egg??? but also something kind of licorice-y????

i thought i was gonna be in big trouble this morning for a mistake i made at work last night but we've been open for 30 minutes and no one has called me yet 🧘🕯️

The face you make when you're drawing up your serum

do y'all know about this chimp civil war.

the other night i was driving home from walmart with my girl and we cut through like a residential street and there were 2 kids and a dog playing around at the edge of a driveway and just as the words "aw how cute" left my mouth one of the kids hucked a rock at my fucking windshield.

i have to go to bed i just thought about how big stairs must be to my 10 inch tall dog and how brave he is for going up and down them every day

by bmi standards i am no longer a funny fat guy. i don't eat enough for the physicality of my lifestyle and i keep dropping tons of weight and im scared if this keeps up i will be an evil twink soon

the sheer whiplash of getting "she-i-mean-they"ed by a coworker today when my voice is now so deep i can speak to crocodiles, my knee hair is long enough to put in pigtails, and i dress like an 80s high school principal at work. i guess i genuinely forgot some people don't see me as a man.

my family has suggested it might be a good idea to prepare a "press release" addressing my transition ahead of a family reunion this summer. ripping the pen and opening canva rn.

is that good