You can call me Mariah, because all I want for Christmas is you.

Woke up to a bunch of clamour for a different cheeky book. Ouch. I thought we had something special, but you can’t even wait for them to #releasethecheekytexts before your eyes starts to wander?

Another week, and the murderer hasn't been captured... unlike my heart.

Happy Sunday! Murder of a Famous Bastard and chill?

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled? Fried? Nog?

Ordinarily, it would be a challenge to come up with 150 more cheeky texts. But complimenting you? It's like breathing.

Good morning, sunshine! Today is a beautiful day to embark on yet another cheeky text journey together. This is your first of 150!

Good evening, cheeky nation. By now, I'm sure that you have all heard of my devastating failure. I've finally stopped sobbing long enough to speak about it. I'm determined to make it up to you. 150 days. 150 texts. See you tomorrow, handsome. 😘

Good evening, everyone! Finally, the 150 cheeky texts have been sent! 😘 Roughly 1/3 were Mark Watson's originals, did you know which they were? Of course we still hope that one day, Taskmaster will #releasethecheekytexts, but for now... I think I've earned a little break. Cheers! 🥂🎉

Didn’t really sell it there! Not ‘old’. Girth is there though. It’s the real deal.

Did I mention I have a fat old cock.

Admin note: You'll be hearing from Watson himself for the final two texts. Those who have been paying close attention will know which I've saved for last. Thought I'd let you know where to direct your complaints. Or... other inquiries. 🍆

You don't need me to tell you how gorgeous of a person you are, inside and out. But I always will. 😘

On the 6th day of December, Channel 5 gave to me: Mark Watson in a llama jumper. 💚🦙❤️

As to be expected.

I can’t wait till May, to finally be able to see you and catch up with you in person.

You know what else would be really gratifying...? Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. I meant 'solving a mystery from the mind of skilled crime writer, Mark Watson.' Should be a nice diversion for you, seeing as we're on day 146. I know you'll miss me.

Murder of a Famous Bastard and chill?

Wearing nothing at all.

"if"? What am i thinking? I'm addressing the man who sent Greg Davies a cheeky text 150 times, of course you're going to do it. ... Obviously you're going to forget to do it once, making the whole thing pointless, but Mark... that's why we love you.

Wearing some new jeans that you would like.

RELEASE THE CHEEKY TEXTS

I've got this really hot fantasy where we eschew the rampant proliferation of overconsumption together. You down?

Billionaires. What’s stopping you from making your AI robots look like this?

Or Cuckoo

It was good – maybe not as good as Man Down

Off to see Anora. It won the Oscar. Should be in for a treat. Would be more of a treat if …

You're looking sharp! Did you get a haircut?

Oh, hello! This is an excellent Taskmaster edit that's relevant to our interests. Please direct your applause to @emolgana.bsky.social.

When you show your bearded dragon a particularly tasty-looking leaf:

without downloading new pics, what is it like dating you?

Is there anything better than a big fry-up after a night out? Why, sharing it with you, of course. 😘

It's too early to call it a night, don't you think? Let's get into some trouble.

Different time zone. Makes me miss Mr Taskie. 😅

Sending you big love from the Big Apple (which is what they call New York) 🙂

Just a reminder...

Good morning, my dear. I found a bakery with pastries that are almost as sweet as you. Shall I bring you one?

You. Me. A cuddly blanket. Your favourite movie. Any questions?

It's been a long day. Want to help me get my mind off work?

me and my mate Watson at the Colosseum, that should do it

Getting it out of the way early this time. Now we can all sleep easy.

Nearly didn’t get a message to you in time. Phew. Love you.

Oh, we've been given a @taskmaster.tv set tour! (Beware: spoilers.) @alexhorne.bsky.social, might I suggest you release the cheeky texts for the next subscriber milestone? I hear 2.001M is a big one...

Seeing a lot of thirst on my feed about a handsome #Taskmaster contestant who came in joint second and looks amazing in a long wig. Don't know why they're still tagging Mark's series as a #spoiler, though.

Ah. I should have teamed up with an octopus. Bit late, now.

Without downloading any new pics, describe your gender.

May I suggest rewatching S5?

Hey. Just wanted to let you know that you're on my mind today.

Pop over tonight and we can pop open a bottle together.