Better start cheekmaxxing if you want to textmog the OG CT

I want you to look at me the way Joel looks at Kumail.

I'm going to be your +1, right?

I got a pack of temporary tattoos. Come over and we can put them on each other. What do you think would suit me? Grapes? ...tortoise?

Is 'truly rough' supposed to be a deterrent?

I'm in Melbourne. You? Cheeky half??

"You can't hear an image" The image:

I'm sorry to tell you this, but think someone needs to say it: I think cheeky texts has lost its slot as the cruellest solo task. It was a good(?) run.

Have fun tonight, with... them. I'll be here when you get back. I just want you to be happy, you know?

What can I say? There's just a certain way cheeky rolls off the tongue...

she cheeky on my Nando's til I text

Hey Siri, play 'Take My Breath Away' by Berlin.

What would you say to a walk on the beach? Maybe we can dip our toes in the water.

Quick question. How's it feel to always be the most beautiful person in any room?

Bad news for Jack Whitehall fans: additional reviews for 'Sucks' are in, and they're saying things like 'exquisite,' 'SO GOOD,' and 'incredible.' So I guess we'll continue posting about this Watson guy? (On a serious note, the person who helped write the searches is hilarious/evil. Thank you.)

In light of the absolutely horrible reviews coming out for @watsoncomedian.bsky.social's secret show today, Cheeky Texts will be pivoting direction. Starting tomorrow, this account will be converting to daily Jack Whitehall thirstposting.

Wow. Okay. I see how it is. You're not going to release the real cheeky texts, you're just going to commission some knockoffs. This is a new low for you, Alex. What kind of monster would create *fake* cheeky texts?? Ridiculous.

Have a seat, love, we need to talk. It's important. I've been watching some 'Patreon content' lately, and I'm a bit nervous to say this out loud, but... it's caused me to realise that my sexuality is... 'people who can make Mark Watson giggle.' Phew. I hope this doesn't change things between us.

New clinical trial opens to see if banging Calum is a viable ADHD treatment. Don't think we'll have any problem getting volunteers.

That three quarter length cashmere coat looks great on you, but it would look better on my floor. (I'm sorry, I lied for dramatic effect. I'd hate for your new coat to get all crumpled. I can hang it neatly in the closet for you until our debauchery is done.)

Hey gorgeous... I'll show you mine if you show me yours. I'm talking about MOAFB murder walls, of course. You do have one, right?

Think I only want one number in my phone... might change your contact to 'Don't Leave Me Alone.'

Why aren't you here in my bedroom? Hopelessly boring without you.

I suddenly feel like visiting the aquarium today. Want to come?

Certified multi-platinum in my heart.

Funny how Paul only named 5 ways to leave your lover, yet still got #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and was certified gold in the US and the UK. No particular reason I'm bringing this up. Just something to think about.

Can't sleep. Thinking about how you'd look in some red Jimmy Choos.

Come over, pet. I've got what you've been yearning for... an early release of the new episode of MOAFB. 👠 You could also get it from the Patreon, I suppose. (But that method doesn't come with my loving embrace.)

You can now slip a virtual nicker in MOAFB's theoretical knickers, if that kind of thing tickles your proverbial pickle.

Documentary series where @watsoncomedian.bsky.social is given billions of dollars and he can only use it to fund terrible ideas.

Disappointing news.

I humbly do beseech of your pardon, for too much texting you.

Is this the generation of love? Cheeky blood, cheeky thoughts and cheeky deeds? Why, they are texts. Is love a generation of texts?

Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul, but I do text thee, and when I text thee not, chaos is come again!

The sight of cheeky texts feedeth those in love.

For where cheek art, there is the world itself, and where cheek art not, desolation.

My texts are made of nothing but the finest part of pure cheek.

A cheeky text sought is good, but given unsought is better.

What's in a name? That which we call a text by any other name would seem as cheek.

Hey love, how's Monday treated you?

You're not going to wake up to a new episode of MOAFB tomorrow... but you could wake up to me, if you'd like. Perhaps I can take your mind off of it?

I hear that all the sexiest people have signed up to Mark Watson's Patreon. So that must mean you're already there, right?

Are you wearing space pants? Because I could use the universal gravitational constant to calculate my attraction to you.

Are you wearing space pants? Because I'd love to observe that planetary body.

I've got a big [whatever part of my anatomy you're hoping is of substantial size].

I see you've got some lovely hot cross buns there. Mind if I have a nibble?

Roses are red Bikers wear leather I'm into hot messes who don't have their shit together

Did you fall out of the gorgeous tree and hit every branch on the way down?

I lost my weighted blanket. I bet you'd make a good one.

Hey babe, wake up. New AO3 tags just dropped. Who's going to bless the world with a whimpering Hugh Flounder?