Gays waiting for Madonna to stop her Grindr takeover

IM WAITING FOR IT THAT SIN LIGHT I WANT IT

Something about industrial carpet just makes me want to work really hard

Watching below deck and they’re like “Primary Guest demands an all-white, gluten-free seafood extravaganza at 11:30 PM, but the seafood cannot smell like the ocean. Co-primary guest requires a 4:00 AM beach picnic where the crew dresses as 1920s pirates. Absolutely no boxed pancakes.”

“They're running around like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. I’d rather drag my face through ten miles of broken whiskey bottles than look at this quarterly report again. Their dump truck mouths are writing checks their wheelbarrow bodies can't cash.”

Like, the high-level Bluesky staff actively & openly loathe their userbase in ways neither Meta or even that hellsite Twitter could come close to. At least they just hate us to the extent they're greedy for our data & sometimes our money These Bluesky staff hate for the love of the game

feeling awfully big rig zig lately

started my Saturday with a delectable lift someone at the gym said I have “kind energy” — what’s that about??? in this economy??

The new Madonna / Sabrina Carpenter is so bad, I waited the whole song for it to start

proof of nugget

chat is this plato’s cave?

Feeling like a little muscle nugget lately. Supporting points: - Clothes fit me weird like an oversized kindergartener - Moustache is looking like it should be paired with a circus singlet - shirts riding up because shoulders are too broad - everyone wants to give me a belly rub and should

I wanna make a follow Friday list but I don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt if they don’t make the list. Being papa z is hard.

I love the new slogan for The Sims It’s “fuck around and find out” for gamer moms

They should cast Claire Saffitz as Rogue

You know it’s gonna b good when they’re calling the butter ‘beurre’ on the menu

not now sweetie, mommy's hearing that high pitched sound from electricity

being kinda silly

the new Spotify icon is so bad I want to delete it entirely

this coil of hair though

villainous fit today

In my hotel room looking up the nearest McDonald’s and it’s actually visible from my window??? 😹😹😹

You can’t Irish goodbye if you never said hello

The Virginia Foxx story is genuinely so funny to me. I’m imagining her typing this letter out on a typewriter and smacking the spool back on every line, then pulling the paper out, blowing on it, and saying “Perfect.” Licked the envelope herself.

me: “I’ll have another spicy margarita” the waiter: “ok” me, after the waiter leaves: “guys I think he likes me”

what an incredible sentence

It’s modern science’s greatest imperative to invent the cruisiest bathroom possible. We need people working on this

another day, another developer conference

your daily reminder that Saturn is cool 🪐

Explaining the float point error on the LaLa Land app to the girl working here that’s in charge of dusting the Einspanners with cocoa

You just know RuPaul’s phone gotta be blowing up today

howdy

himbofeed has ruined another marriage we gotta find the guy who made this thing

Going off mute at the end of a 1hr team call just to say “Thanks” is just our version of “WITNESS MEEEEEE”

Manchild but in Simlish

as someone who spent a lot of time in super mario maker, i can confirm that nintendo's boner detection algorithms are extremely good

Idk why but I read this in astarion’s voice

Lorde is for people who love to Irish goodbye

[me, shouting from the next room]: “have you seen cowboy bebop?”

wow I just got endorsed as a researcher on arXiv for my upcoming whitepaper 🫪 imposter syndrome still coming for me tho

An episode of Magic Schoolbus but she’s teaching the prisoner’s dilemma

me to my producer: “I need a show”

The Devil Wears Prada 2 is a gratuitous capitalization and corporate mega conglomerate shake-down of the budgets powering millennial subcultures in the US and I’ll gladly pay to see it again

froyo is just a vehicle for chocolate jimmies

[two aliens watching modern human history on TV] alien 1: “yeah it’s kinda like game of thrones except instead of swords the the throne is made of GPUs” alien 2: “ooooooh”

big bois keep biggin’

It’s lonely as a top, or whatever they say