I recommend everyone watch "King of the Hill" in its entirety. We're on season 8 or something and I just howl at the Dale episodes.

We're going out to have Mexican tonight and I just think more people should enjoy Mexican food. Mexican food is proof God loves humans.

Sometimes, I just want to sniff the book and feel the pages. I was a crazy librarian in my previous life. I'm sure of it.

In the last week, both of my grocery deliveries have been missing items. It's irritating because it affects meal planning and it normally takes me a few hours to go "wait, where's the...." and then i have to report it and hope the grocery app doesn't think I'm a liar. Ugh

HELLO I AM MONTHS AWAY FROM 40 I AM IN ACTIVE PERIMENOPAUSE WHY THE F DO I STILL GET ZITS DOES IT NEVER END? at least in my teens, I was skinny. F.

Does anyone else's mom buy things they like but then give it to you to repaint it? This happens at least 1x a year with my mom. On the left, the original ornament. It's cute, but she wanted it to have a red nose. To the right, my 1 min red acrylic paint fix. She'll be unbelievably proud of this.

Oh my god. I had the neighbors over for visiting and charcuterie. They brought Italian wine. We drank like 3 bottles (including some bottles of ours) I somehow got hammered. I have no memory of going to bed, washing my face, taking my medicine, etc. I'm MORTIFIED

Today, I called a customer, "mom." I had a battle to the death with a jumping spider on my desk. And I've been in a hurry all day and everyone around me has been on Sunday-slow mode. I NEED IT TO BE 5PM.

I just had a shriek-y fit at a piece of black fuzz. In my defense, I thought it was a bug. And it was touching my foot and I just got really grossed out. But it was fuzz.

The saying "the spirit is willing but the body is bruised and broken" is backwards for me. I'm physically perfectly fine. It's my brain that wants to be fully retired. The Spirit of me is very anti-work and pro-sleeping in with slightly obese cats. Dammit.

Friday night meatloaf! What what! Hashtag old lady dinner!

I've gone to bed early the last few nights (before 9pm because I'M SICK) and I'm trying to be super duper hydrated (BECAUSE SICK FULL OF SNOT) so my hateful little bladder keeps waking me up at 5am-ish because pee. However... I am sleeping well. And today my throat isn't hurting. Progress.

My nose is tender from sneezing, dripping, and blowing. I have applied extra moisturizing cream and I just hope I sleep good overnight.

To avoid getting sick before we traveled, I worked from home all that week. Thankfully, I have my stuff here because I'M SICK FROM TRAVEL! So I have set up my remote work station and texted my bosses. Huzzah.

We're home from 2 weeks abroad. I am mentally 6 hours ahead of my current time. I've washed all the laundry. We've fully unpacked and found/organized souvenirs and gifts. I have cleaned the 2 rooms the pets had access to with the pet sitter (living and kitchen) And I'm sick AF w/ travel crud.

Women losing their bodily autonomy, no due process, masked forces rounding people up, threatening the judiciary, ignoring the legislature, attacking artists and academics, throwing voters off the rolls, intimidating free speech, persecuting minorities How are we still calling ourselves a democracy?

There's just no way to sound sane and normal when you try to explain your undying love for a special needs cat who's gone mildly viral on Instagram. I love you, Baby Corn. He is tiny and wonky and perfect.

Complaint! Why TF does PayPal put my bank account as the primary payment option EVERY time I link it to be able to receive $ someone sends me!!?? I want all payments to be on my credit card. They do it every time-- immediately start using the bank account. F.

Part two

Stages of Spray Tan (Screen shot of my thoughts because I needed way more room than bluesky allows)

Dogs are funny b/c they follow you around to show their loyalty. I'm always in the same room as my dogs, and it's their actions to accomplish this. Cats are funny b/c you'll go into a room and be surprised by the little furry ninja presence. I can never predict where one of my pet cats will be.

My parents have to put their little geriatric poodle, "Baby Girl" down tomorrow. Her quality of life is gone. The arthritis makes her almost immobile.... and she gets lost with her little doggy dementia. Keep my parents in your thoughts tomorrow, please.

"Unfortunately worth it." His words. I'm horrified it happened. It will keep happening until the United States provides Medicare for EVERY citizen, so the citizens can access the physical and mental healthcare they NEED. And it'll keep happening until we implement common sense gun law.

And now, for my next trick! The "you didn't sleep all night so now you'll have a migraine and try to function!"

I'm carrying knitting crap with me to work. I have wet hair. But I'm not going to blow dry it and get hot again. Ugh. I've had 2 diet sodas and 1 coffee already.

I woke up at 3:21am b/c who needs sleep, right? My body hates me. So I finally gave up around 4:30am... embraced the suck... and just... got up for the day. I did a 30 minute workout video and felt stupid the whole time. I've showered. I'm drinking coffee. I hope the day improves.

I took too long to cook my dinner and now I'm standing here, eating bites of a salad between stirring things on the stove lol

First World Problem .... stalking an Amazon delivery you want badly...

Also hello. I am my father. I just caught myself putting leftover chicken salad into a hotdog bun because I don't have any other bread. That's full on, Marilyn's Dad-not-wasting-food behavior. We become them.

I could legitimately eat myself into a stupor if basic salty potato chips wouldn't make me the size of my house.

Tadaa?!

I wish there was a live feed of me cooking just now. I've been panicky cussing looking for tools, talking to inanimate objects... I've steamed my damn forearm and dropped a pan lid and caused a lot of smoke I think dinner will be delicious.

The "office-studio-guest room" is clean and put together. And the rest of my house is clean. I've calmed down. Guests can come!

LEAVE THEIR FAMILY & FRIENDS ALONE

In case you ever thought "oh, I'm so sad I'm not with a loving partner" Just know, Spencer woke me up at 2:35am because in his sleep he managed to scoot off all THREE of his pillows And he reached over not once But twice And tried to yank away MY ONE PILLOW. He woke up to me hollering at him.

We can't allow ourselves to become numb to mass shootings. What happened today in Minneapolis is heartbreaking, and Michelle and I are praying for the parents who have lost a child or will be sitting at their hospital bedside after yet another act of unspeakable, unnecessary violence.

I somehow managed to cut my toe open and walk over the house. I've been crawling around with an ice cube and a rag, cleaning up liquid bits of myself. I loooove this. 🫠

Sometimes I'll get really sweaty and gross doing things like... compulsively cleaning everything for company..... And then my sweet cat will come sit on me and still purr and expect pets. It makes me feel good.

I just put up a massive grocery order. Company will have food. I can cook. And the bad snacks I never keep stocked up are here....

People are reading AI-generated synopses of books and then claiming they read 100 books in a week. This is how the abolition of books began in Fahrenheit 451: classics were condensed into five-minute summaries for those too busy to do the reading. Later came the burnings.

Company is coming. So, I am doing things like... finally putting a new bulb in that living room lamp. ...And getting a new toilet seat. Why do I, in my home.... not do these things for me? Lmao

I am doing the "deep clean the home in a methodical manner so I don't go insane screamy cleaning the night before the company gets here. " We completed our Tuesday night tasks. We have Wednesday and Thursday tasks. Do we succeed? Or will you hear me screaming nationwide?

I do not give one single fart about anyone whose name rhymes with "Baylor Sniffed"

Yesterday, Shadow stole a tablespoon of butter from me whilst I was cooking. That caused a chase. He only succeeded in eating about a teaspoon of it. (He also hissed at Spencer, which is HYSTERICAL) Today I had to pry Dutch's mouth open because he was eating something. He swallowed it. 🫠

Does everyone's significant other have an "I'm irritated with you" pet name? Spencer calls me "...Dear..." in a tone. (I refer to him as "SWEET baby...." when I am exasperated)

My sister did Paul Mitchell for cosmetology school. She's very pro their products. I've been on their shampoo and "the conditioner" for a few years. But y'all. I accidently discovered Ouai "medium hair" shampoo and their leave-in conditioner. MY HAIR SMELLS LIKE A GODDESS. I feel trés froofroo! 💁‍♀️

I haven't talked about this-- because it was so upsetting... But the other day flying home--- The young fellow next to me asked- if Spencer and I had "kids?.... or grandkids?" I have not recovered.

There's nothing I like more than security camera footage of me angry stomp walking around the front of my house, fighting with the water hose. I look insane.

I'm only mildly ashamed.