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The forward lines up to take the penalty and it's absolute scenes as the ball is ripped apart by the strike, scattering candy all over the pitch as the two teams rush in with paper bags to collect as much as they can before the referee blows to restart the game

July 4th is like the Superbowl for people who listen to police scanners.

Hell yeah, got the Alphonso Davies collectible cup on my first try! Canada World Cup 2026 confirmed!

Majority arriving at SCOTUS to deliver latest decision

Sounds like I should be just fine if I drink a Spirit Trap before the Cursed Frog to catch and mitigate the effects of the hexed hops, right?

Hydration break #WorldCup

Majority arriving at SCOTUS to deliver latest decision

THAT'S WORLD SOCCER POWERHOUSE CANADA

This Match Game '75 episode on Buzzr might set the record for number of panelists still alive at three: Gary Burghoff (83), Rona Barrett (89), and Fannie Flagg (81).

They call me a "silver fox", but that's just because of the level of colloidal silver in my bloodstream

Happy hour, or, as I like to call it, pausa de hidratación

What's the charge?! Preparing a succulent seafood meal?!

"I have accepted Keir Starmer's resignation as my chief servant and have invited Andy Burnham to lay out details for how many meals a day he'll give me"

I feel a special kinship with the other folks having mid-morning drinks at the airport bar. These are my people.

There was a mechanical issue with the ORD-FRA plane which was fixed, but by the time an Airbus engineer in Toulouse could approve the work, the O'Hare taxiways had been closed for overnight construction. There were no itineraries that could get me to Poland in time for my meeting. So back home I go.

Broke: AUS ✈️ ORD 🚫😂 FRA 🚫😂 GDN Woke: ORD ✈️ AUS So much for that business meeting!

KILL ME

AUS ✈️ ORD ✈️ FRA ✈️ GDN Austin-Bergstrom still sucks.

Advertise your BlueSky account with a Simpsons GIF

My phone number is area code 909, as in when someone asks for my number so they can call me I tell them "nein, oh nein"

Really kind of sad to hear Pizza Hut will be sold to venture capitalists for a paltry sum ($3 billion or something). But despair not, because if I know anything about VCs buying a dying brand, they'll spend whatever's necessary to restore it to its former glory!

I've seen a number of Hot Takes™ from Americans about soccer being "boring": 0-0 draws, endless passing, simulated injuries, etc. Fine, you don't enjoy it, whatever. But then these same assholes will wax poetic over a 3-hour pitcher's duel in a two-hit baseball game. Some might find *that* boring.

Crash (1996, d. David Cronenberg)

The international tournament of the codes of association football is proving to be quite an entertaining diversion today!

When the compiler alerts me with a warning to something suspicious in my code

Made the mistake of letting the kids watch a show where a robot is implied to be masturbating and now the eldest won't stop going around saying "oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh" in a mechanical voice

When the soccer players volley the ball off their heads, that's, like, got to hurt, right?

The Mandaloriu and Grogan starring legendary New England Patriot quarterback Steve Grogan

World Cup 2026

Peter Paul and Mary

"Return Of The Mack" is just such an all-time banger. No matter where I am, no matter who I'm with, when that song starts playing, you know I'm singing along. Possibly (probably?) dancing too.

Oh god, I had totally forgotten about the fish oil pill burps. 💀

🎶🎵 Show me that smile again 🎵🎶

RESET THE DAYS SINCE A KID POOPED AND ACTUALLY REMEMBERED TO FLUSH COUNTER

I LOVE that the formal name of the GPS status report sent out by the Coast Guard and GPS Operations Center is "Notice Advisory to Navstar Users", or NANU.

I miss the when people dressed up to use computers and install new boards.

San Antonio and New York City are finally gonna put it all on the line and determine which city makes the best salsa

Need an idea for date night?

Buttdialed! On The Toilet

I had no idea what I was in for taking the grates and other innards out of the barbecue for a deep cleaning. Probably need to do this more than once a decade. *hurk*

My doctor says I'm so chopped that he's referring me to an uncologist

"I'm so sorry. His new friends at school gave him a drink--they call it 'lean', or 'sizzurp'. He took a sip and his heart stopped. We couldn't save him. KIDS, DON'T DO PURPLE DRANK." *fin*

Logging on and reading the news

Gut Flora is such a beautiful name for a baby girl

The antibiotics will continue until inflammation improves.

my political opponent at our debate: "Have you seen what this guy has written?" *begins reading my old social media posts out loud to the audience* me: "Oh shit, yeah, I forgot about that one. ... Oh yeah, that *was* a banger! ... Yooo, do you have the one about the guillotine and the rich?"

Aww fuck. "Strokin'" never fails to put a smile on my face.

Santana ft. Rob Thomas - "Smooth"