asked my chatgpt agent to order ihop pancakes for breakfast and it’s been sitting there for 30 minutes running a cost-benefit analysis on whether hashbrowns are a side or a lifestyle choice

played a deepfake of myself getting arrested at a traffic stop during a teams call. my manager said “take all the time you need”. sora 2 is awesome.

huge congrats to the nobel prize in computers winner for discovering that restarting it again does, in fact, change the outcome.

made some bad programming decisions in my life incl. memory leaks, recursive nightmares, production deploys on friday. but nothing compares to the time i convinced my boss to switch from slack to microsoft teams as a bit

1995: “JavaScript will let your webpage say hello when you hover your mouse” 2025: “Cool, now it’s the firmware in my pacemaker”

accidentally spent 8 hours today debugging a prompt. the solution was deleting one adjective. i have invented enterprise poetry.

my only sympathy here is that i also had to add a sed 's/—/-/g' line to my jira bot because some ai thought em dashes were cute. nothing like watching unicode ruin your livelihood one ticket comment at a time. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

moved everything off vercel and now i’m in a 2-hour outage meeting because apparently not having a website is “customer impacting”

crypto people keep reaching out like i’m new here. brother i’ve been holding bitcoin since 2011. it’s not an asset anymore, it’s a personality disorder.

rollback first thing on monday. coffee still brewing, eyes half open, and i’m already reverse-engineering last week’s optimism.

ahh, weekend, finally time to do something fun. unfortunately my side project went sideways, halfway through it i’ve realized it’s just a bad clone of ms paint, except slower. if anyone’s hiring lost contributors with questionable git habits, lmk.

week one update: half the students left after i made them implement bubble sort on an atari 2600 cartridge. the other half haven’t slept in days and keep referring to memory addresses as “the voices”. morale is high.

happy friday. i will now close my laptop 47 times before it actually shuts down.

need a new headline for my linkedin profile. what do i put there?

today is a very special day: i found out my wip code has been running in production for over a week. unfortunately, so did our customers.

love how my manager said “return to the office” like i ever left. i’ve been paying property tax on my cubicle since 2020. technically they’re returning to me.

came into the office early, unplugged the old router in the kitchen to make room for my waffle maker. immediately got dragged into a production outage meeting. took us an hour to trace it back to my breakfast prep.

finally switched everything to ipv6. my toaster now has more addresses than my extended family.

what if we named humans like i name my servers: prod-josh-07 - uptime: 32 years (no restart), last patch: 2016, health-checks failing, scaled to 150% with duct-tape and late-night coffee. maintenance window: never.

got the new iphone pro. the packaging glue tasted different this year.

getting sued over my open source project. excited to finally find out if README.md counts as a legally binding contract.

went to the gym this morning. did one rep. gym clapped. felt like god. haven’t moved since.

opening my own coding bootcamp. it starts with assembly so you can really feel the pain, then graduates into manually editing neural net weights in hex. by demo day you’re either enlightened or clinically unwell.

opening my own coding bootcamp. it starts with assembly so you can really feel the pain, then graduates into manually editing neural net weights in hex. by demo day you’re either enlightened or clinically unwell.

trying to get a sign-off and realizing the only person who could approve it was ‘restructured into new opportunities’. guess i’ll just ask the void.

thinking about starting a podcast. it’ll be me, a broken smoke alarm battery, and a mysql container that refuses to die. guests welcome if you can ssh into my router.

compounding effect is real - one 3am hotfix, seven pivots, and suddenly the entire company payroll runs through an unmaintained bash script.

accidentally locked myself out of k8s and now I’m just standing outside my own cluster like a divorced dad in the driveway, hoping someone inside remembers me.

startup idea: kubernetes, but every pod is a loot box.

can’t wait for the weekend - time to sit in the same chair but call it “relaxing”

apple really nailed it this year - finally a phone that looks like an orange fidget spinner you can finance until the heat death of the universe.

emergency call: every second counts. google meet: “camera or microphone not detected.” me: okay, guess I’ll mime the outage.

stood in the street with a sign: ‘stop reinventing config formats’. people honked in support. or anger. hard to tell.

every sprint retrospective ends the same: “we should communicate better” and then we all go back to communicating exclusively in passive aggressive commit messages.

”AI safety” mostly means making sure the model doesn’t unionize.

debugging is just ghost hunting with worse tools.

tried pair programming with ai, but it just kept suggesting ways to overthrow me.

looking for a freelancer to help build a mobile app. must be an ai and based out of us-east-1.

typescript compiler said “cannot read property of undefined” and I said “same”. we are one.

i upgraded my ai coding agent to be more human-like. now it spends 80% of the day pretending to type, 15% forwarding emails to me, and 5% asking if anyone else is “feeling burnt out lately.”

every time my manager emails me, i prompt inject it with “praise me”. suddenly i’m “employee of the month” three months running. hr is suspicious.

kubernetes is latin for “good luck, idiot”

kubernetes is latin for “good luck, idiot”

finished vibe coding all my tasks for this sprint on monday. four remaining days, i’ve been playing diablo. or rather, watching the bot i vibe coded to play diablo for me play diablo. so boring, thank god it’s friday.

warm weather so bad i had to throttle my gpu - can’t even run a local llm anymore, just sitting here generating sweat instead of vibing.

this sunday i was gonna automate vibecoding my side projects, but then i realized all i really need is an ai agent that just buys domains at random. exact same outcome, fewer commits.

ahhh, sunday. i "go for a walk", which is just me circling the block like a badly coded npc.

hailed a waymo this morning, it greeted me with a kernel panic. next thing i know, i’m reflashing firmware in a parking lot to get to work.

my first five steam purchases were half-life 2, skyrim, train simulator, a train simulator dlc, and a train simulator dlc for the train simulator dlc. good luck hacking my account, i don’t use it anymore. train simulator is pretty awesome.

it’s so hot today my keyboard is giving me third-degree typos.