Sitting on the stage next to a big red sign that says "no smoking allowed in this building anytime" and across the bar the door guy and sound guy are ripping a huge blunt

I have grown to believe that excessive wealth does something to your brain that is analogous to a serious head injury

not a lot of people know this but my dad is Steely Dan

It should be illegal to be straight

I always felt bad for not seeing the Wonder Woman movies, but now I see, I should have trusted God's plan

Relatable

two sentence horror story

is it fair to say that Workaholics is Broad City for boys?

Anthony Stewart Head rt if u agree

fuck i just remembered the band Scar Symmetry exists i'm about to regress so hard

kirby air riders continues to be game of the year 2025 by the way

Its so cool that hirsute sounds like hair-suit

Madam Morrible, MM, flip it around? Wadam Worrible!

Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande appear to have formed some sort of two-person cult, where the leader is the other person

I've been playing Kirby Air Riders for 30 minutes now and it's the best game I've ever played

Whatever you do, do not commit suicune

One overlapping member of both my dream and my nightmare blunt rotations is Lisa Gilroy

So what if trump blew bubbles? I literally used to do that all the time

Pete Davidson burning off his tatooos and growing a mr beast beard is by far the strongest indicator of our political climate we have

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Family Guy is like if Bart was Homer and if Lisa was Moe and if Maggie was Mr Burns and if Marge was Lisa and if Homer was still Homer

on the topic of dick cheney, one thing i’ve always said is that you shouldn’t kill a million people

He’s shooting his friend in the face in the sky now

I am having the best day: - I officially completed my hours towards my LCSW - my partner's 19yo one-eyed cat got positive news at the vet - dick cheney died

Halloween is the best holiday and i believe this can be scientifically proven

So sad that Brendan Lee Mulligan died by an accidental gunshot while filming The Crow :(

You dont understand the psychological toll of not being in a ska band

The most pop-punk thing about me is that I still have some of my high school ex-girlfriend's pokemon from Diamond/Pearl.

The irony of being poor enough to be randomly selected by the city to receive a free unlimited transit card is that nothing makes me feel richer than swiping that card and not having to think at all about the cost of the train ride I'm about to take

I hate to admit it but when people started rapping these lyrics off the new TSwift album in the style of MF Doom I started to fuck with them so much more

big things coming (more garbage posts) cause i reminded mickey what our bluesky password is

The man can't keep me down! (i logged back into bluesky)

Happy Birthday Ango 😌

just learned charlie kirk is younger than me i thought that dumb bitch was at least 40 lmao. Being racist really ages you, huh?

Cheeseburgers are to Jimmy Buffett as Spinach is to Popeye

Did you know? A pomelo is actually a hybrid fruit! Made by cross-breeding lemons and oranges!

legendary funk bassist and IRA guerrilla terrorist Bootsy Collins

Guitar is the most transhumanist instrument because you get to press flesh to metal and combine their vibrations

Happened to me and the words I used were "psychology, sociology, psychiatry". The illiteracy epidemic is serious

I can't explain how but Love Island is propaganda

Not at the top of the list of priorities rn but I think maybe white people should retire the "mexican food makes me diarrhea" line of humor. At worst its pretty racist, but at best it demonstrates a low constitution score, which your DM is going to use against you. Stop drawing attention to it.

"It's an election year." "it's the year before an election year." "It's the midterms." "It's the year before the midterms." Cool, so if I have this right, the correct time to change things is literally never. How convenient.

Getting into an ugly fight with somebody on TikTok because I said Tom Cochrane was a communist (probably not true) and they don't know who that is but they disagree

I need every tv streaming app to add a shuffle button in the episode select screen because how has this not happened yet.

Congratulations to everybody in NYC except Cuomo who I hope falls down a flight of stairs he was trying to sexually harass.

"Andrew Cuomo is visibly upset and people are crying"

listen, four beautiful ponies just appeared at the petting zoo named war pestilence famine and death, we have to go see them. okay?

Jelly Roll is a consequence of Post Malone