Being told to “be myself” makes me want to hit myself in the head with a rock.

“Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.” — Linus Van Pelt

This morning I was at someone’s house and they were watching a replay of a baseball game where a guy got beaned in the face with a fastball. The pitcher was a wreck. People were crying. Then they broke for commercials and the first ad had Jean-Ralphio throwing an apple in Isaac Newton’s face.

Someone at Fox News just learned the phrase “cognitive dissonance” because they say it ALL. THE. TIME.

J.D. Vance might be the most fatherless man who has ever walked the Earth. I mean obviously he had no choice in the circumstances of his birth and upbringing, but it feels like literally EVERY point where a positive role model might have entered his life instead realized he wasn't worth the effort.

I wish you people would stop posting that one “liberal” lady, because next week, she’ll just flirt with the conservative “comedian” on her podcast.

Rowlf is my favorite Muppet, and I somehow didn’t know until fairly recently (maybe from a @kenplume.bsky.social thread?) that he was once the main Muppet.

I’d be disappointed if this wasn’t just plagiarizing Peter David.

This played in movie theaters across the world.

I just started to text to check in with someone I haven’t talked to in a while and saw the last text I sent them was me doing the same thing 11 months ago and they didn’t respond then. Hope they’re ok.

Does Quizno’s still have plates shaped like word balloons? Does Quizno’s still have Quizno’s?

I told the Reverend he made me proud to be a Christian.

You know Jimmy’s gonna cry tonight.

I don’t want to know this person.

A great piece of writing from 20 years ago that speaks to the issues of today. outlawvern.com/2005/09/01/m...

Batman ‘66 season 2 had 60 episodes.

Did Borat do anything at Kirk’s funeral?

@jamesgunn.bsky.social should be a guest on @jimmykimmellive.bsky.social when it comes back.

Kim Cattrall is played by Paul Walker’s brother.

Someone on here was saying to stop caring about Disney because your most treasured childhood memory wasn’t a cartoon, and while I get the sentiment, all the humans in my childhood memories are also nazis now, so

Some of you seem surprised by this, but the last funeral I went to was in Texas and the preacher had a whole chunk on how people who needed therapy after having a gun pointed at them were weak.

I’ve been working on something for a couple weeks, and I just made myself laugh rereading it, so that’s a good sign, I guess?

Wow, Anaconda is terrible.

Who has the comic rights to ALF? If nothing else, someone should reprint ALF #1 with a variant blank covers and a facsimile of this one…

Happy Batman Day! youtu.be/yHY9USNC_Fk?...

I’m regularly around people who watch Fox News from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed. They have TVs in multiple rooms so they can hear and see it from anywhere in their house. I’m sure the same people would think it was crazy if they saw a kid who watched cartoons 15 hours a day.

Pedro Pascal has the chance to do the funniest thing right now.

The history of The Man Show is the history of America.

My favorite episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee was the Colbert one, because without trying, Stephen Colbert ran circles around Jerry Seinfeld to the point that Jerry kinda looked dumb.

I remember a coffee and cars episode with Colbert, where Colbert said something like "Even when I didn't have money, I never denied myself buying books" and Seinfeld repeated it in a mocking voice. I was like, Yeah, makes sense that you don't read...

Earlier this week, I saw someone reading Sorcerer’s Stone and the book mark placement indicated they were like 1/3 into it. Who STARTS Harry Potter in 2025?

Do you think Jepherson Loeb is mad that he got outsold by the Hawkguy guy?

Amy Adams should make another movie with Christian Bale and maybe this time she’ll win an Oscar.

Jimmy Kimmel being censored has sent shockwaves throughout the antifa extremist leftist community, who were relying on his show for instructions on how to make chemical weapons

“ I never liked Kimmel.” isn’t really the point.

Remembering Kimmel's opening monologue for the 95th Oscars where, in reference to the Will Smith slap the year before, he asked the audience: "And what did you do? That's right, nothing. You just sat there." It was a laugh line but also a genuine bruiser. I'm not short-selling him in this moment.

Rachel Brosnahan Gennifer Goodwin Willem Dafoe Janelle Monae Jason Schwartzman Brad Paisley Zooey Deschenel David Dastmalchian John C Reilly Jack McBrayer Jane Lynch Anne Hathaway Clancy Brown

I just read all of Family Style by @thiendog.bsky.social in one sitting. I guess it was written with a younger audience in mind, but it’s an autobiographical comic I’d recommend to anyone. Cute and funny and heartbreaking and sadly relevant and it made me want to be friends with the author.

Let’s get nuts.

Where’s this liberal media I’ve heard about my whole life?

I thought comedy was legal again?!?!

Weird that Seth Meyers is last man standing, since he kind of started this. Is it because Trump sees him as the Boss Level and he has to defeat him last?

My first Batman comic! What’s yours? #Batman

When did Riki Lindhome get famous enough to be interviewed on network TV?