Thinking of my pal @thatbootlegguy.bsky.social as this Hawaiian cover band plays its version of Regulate.

My special talent is to pick the exact seat at open air events and press conferences that will light up like the Map Room in Raiders of the Lost Ark at the precise moment when it becomes inconvenient to change seats.

“You don't look at all like the noble defender of poor defenseless widows. But then again, I don't look like a poor defenseless widow.”

A romance forged in the Jose Canseco trade

Me (at a cocktail party): James Beam neat please. Bartender: I like how you went formal there. Me: well, he and I aren’t on friendly terms.

Remove John Fisher, win championships.

<jots down notes for my dad's upcoming memorial service>

My parents did not smoke, and yet they owned an ashtray shaped like the state of Indiana, and if you flipped it over, it showed the major cities of Indiana on the back. As a map-loving kid, it fascinated me. And now, it is mine, though I ceased cigar-smoking once my daughter was born.

I think there’s only one part of Brent Musberger’s past that needs bringing up. www.thenation.com/article/arch...

When the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party gets out of hand.

The crows outside are making such a ruckus, I'm expecting to find Suzanne's Pleshette's body when I leave the house.

And we never had a problem with unchecked power in America again ever.

I see Bob Melvin is as punctual as ever when it comes to closing the barn doors.

"Greetings, true beliebers! As we all know, the Hulk gains his power from the earth's red sun. Excalibur!"

Her dissertation -- Black Fly in Your Chardonnay: The Effect of Pesticides on British Columbia Viticulture -- really sealed the deal.

The all-news station, and he's shushing us when the Traffic on the Nines segment comes on.

You should not be allowed to write columns if you are this historically illiterate.

My favorite character in Stephen King's THE STAND is Glenn Bateman and the moment where he demonstrates how to deal with blustering bullies who rely on others to do the real dirty work is a handy life lesson.

"Do you want the horrible truth or a beautiful lie?"

When the Panda Express tells me I've got to wait 15 minutes if I want chow mein in my combo meal

Dear Management: It is with a heavy heart that I must offer my two week's notice due to... <pained sign>... all the sexbots around the office.

Working on my Clayton Kershaw fan sign for his final home game Legendary Guy Best Throws Quirky "Plus" Stuff

Hey, man, she only got romantically involved with the subject of her reporting, it's not like she said something mildly critical about a podcaster.

This came up recently in a podcast I was on about K-19: The Widowmaker, where Harrison Ford ill-advisedly attempts a Russian accent, and it takes you right out of the picture every time he talks. Shoulda pulled a Connery, man.

My pal @thatbootlegguy.bsky.social was talking about memorable Muppet Show performances & I shared some. As I am an imp of the perverse, I also brought up the moment below. Disney+ has a content warning for that ep. Probably going to make it a mandatory moment of silence the way things are now.

he was a champion of free speech and if you disagree youre under arrest

Do not taunt happy fun ball

It's superficial of me, I know, but how come every photo accompanying stories like this looks like the photographer told everyone "That's great, but can we try one where y'all look more joyless and resigned?"

“Better watch or we’ll call your manager.”

The only thing that kept me from grabbing G with both my hands is that it would cut off Seattle and Chicago, two of the great American food cities. But I get California, Mexico, the Caribbean, the American south and enough of Peru to compensate.

Like Bill Saluga doing the Ray Jay Johnson Jr. bit while the crowd laughs knowingly....

iOS 26 is out, and I have some THOUGHTS www.tomsguide.com/phones/iphon...

I’m not saying that much of our current problems stem from having a comedy gatekeeper whose tastes ossified in 1988, but I’m not denying it either.

Who dey Who dey Who dey think they see the Great Gazoo

More human than human, that’s our motto.

I'd have a lot more faith that Ruben Amorim will turn things around at Manchester United if every time the cameras didn't cut to him, he didn't look like he was nervously calculating possible escape routes out of the stadium.

You know, I'm often critical of him, but I for one applaud Gavin Newsom's bold new look.

Cal Football: Time Has No Meaning Here

No, you see Frankfather is the safety. You're thinking of Frankfather's monster.

We snitch on more people before 9 a.m. than most people snitch all day

As a former young man who was frequently scolded, I found I got scolded a lot less once I acted like less of a douchebag. Maybe that’s a lesson Mayor Pete could learn.

Oh, Phil, you dummy, you numbskull, why did you wander onto Facebook?

Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” was released 50 years ago today.

Folks, The Freshman slaps and includes footage shot at Cal's Memorial Stadium, so it qualifies as both a comedy _and_ a horror.

You don't need me to tell you that the whole Good Guy With A Gun fantasy falls apart when you realize that in the fog of an incident, everyone just looks like a Guy With A Gun.

Nice of the Disney folks to expedite that Hall of Presidents loaner.

Justice will find you, original run of Full House era Dave Coulier

Governor, would you mind sharing your favorite examples of Charlie Kirk's commitment to debate? All the people lauding him don't seem to be sharing direct quotes of the things he's said for some reason or another.

The last landowners in Moraga to add a swimming pool, apparently.

My unsolicited hot-take is that eateries shouldn't have names that evoke distended abdomens and other body horrors. In college, there was a place called Zip's TummmyBuster & I think it would have done brisker business if it didn't make you think of that Alien scene every time you ate a hoagie.