"Your bags will be inspected for contraband. Any attempts to smuggle in heating pads, lumbar-support braces, or Lactaid pills will cause your drill sergeant to go ballistic. Full-fat dairy is a big part of the warrior ethos."

My latest on @mcsweeneys.net! “Next, your bags will be inspected for contraband. Any attempts to smuggle in heating pads, lumbar-support braces, or Lactaid pills will cause your drill sergeant to go ballistic. Full-fat dairy is a big part of the warrior ethos.” www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/us-...

When a child bird salesman comes to your door you BUY THE BIRD. Story here: open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

Bring your chaos energy to work new essay on how I learned class solidarity working at Anthropologie open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

A vulnerable one this week. Excuse me while I wash out my mouth lacerations from stress-gnawing my cheeks in my sleep. open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

A vulnerable one this week. Excuse me while I wash out my mouth lacerations from stress-gnawing my cheeks in my sleep. open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

Photo of me on my birthday (today!) + my unhinged corn metaphor that somehow is still less stupid than what’s going on with AI

Photo of me on my birthday (today!) + my unhinged corn metaphor that somehow is still less stupid than what’s going on with AI

Who Wore it Better? (evil plastic marionette edition)

“What does it mean to pay attention? How do we honor a life, every life?” This week’s BEST PARTY WORST HOUSE: on life, death, and Canadian dead gopher dioramas. jennieegerdie.substack.com/p/world-famo...

“EMILY: “Does anyone ever realize life while they live it...every, every minute?” STAGE MANAGER: “No. Saints and poets maybe.” Saints, poets, and I’d argue, the volunteer amateur taxidermists of the Torrington Gopher Hole Museum jennieegerdie.substack.com/p/world-famo...

“What does it mean to pay attention? How do we honor a life, every life?” This week’s BEST PARTY WORST HOUSE: on life, death, and Canadian dead gopher dioramas. jennieegerdie.substack.com/p/world-famo...

what is happening

Eat shit metaverse. We knew ye enough to hate ye

March Madness? Oh you mean the month when run big snake outta town

This week’s BEST PARTY WORST HOUSE: on Young Womanhood, Transactional Sex, and Spanking a CBC Literary Prize winner in front of Kermit the Frog. (Some names have been changed. But not all!) jennieegerdie.substack.com/p/its-not-ea...

Please read and IMMEDIATELY subscribe to my friend Jennie’s newsletter! This is not a request! Go now!

Greatest compliment of my life

Greatest compliment of my life

Michael B. Deserving all the Oscars

“Somehow this was a penis that required extra shipping from Europe” open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

This week’s BEST PARTY WORST HOUSE: on Young Womanhood, Transactional Sex, and Spanking a CBC Literary Prize winner in front of Kermit the Frog. (Some names have been changed. But not all!) jennieegerdie.substack.com/p/its-not-ea...

even the tugboat is richer than me

I still think about this a lot.

Sometimes the cut is west-village-girl lifestyle porn and horrifying plastic surgery missives. And sometimes it's this. A great read. www.thecut.com/article/harv...

If I were you, I would read @jennieegerdie.bsky.social confessing to a hot dog bc it is A) funny 2) honest and 3) written by Jennie

This week, I tell all my secrets to a hot dog (on Hypernormalization, vulnerability, and hot dogs) open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

BEST PARTY, WORST HOUSE is a weekly humor/philosophy newsletter. Featuring funny, true stories of questionable choices, obsessions, and occasionally outright terrible decisions. open.substack.com/pub/jennieeg...

Jack and Quinn Hughes and SNL can get fucked. IDGAF who got the louder applause, SNL using Connor Storrie, Hilary Knight, and Megan Keller to "make nice" with gentle jokes is not only cowardly, but boring and toothless comedy. What a waste.

OG heated rivalry

Y’all know I’m Canada down

Well done, sister suffragette

Uncles text the saddest AI slop about generational trauma and be like, “lol so us, see you at Christmas”

Goodbye to a great actress 😎

Earthquake in Ontario last night ‘cause ya’ll so horny for Canadians the earth had to shiver with pleasure

Rozanov: …you like when I am deep? Hollander:yes Rozanov: so deep, like greedy fat boy in chocolate factory Hollander:*moans* rozanov: the Willy wonkas Hollander:*panting* Augustus gloop Rozanov: Da. I am little fat boy sucked up in tight chocolate tube Me: [𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘱𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯] this is so hot

Wouldn’t have made it out of the VEEP writers room

Minnesota National Guard members have arrived at a federal building and were directed to distribute donuts, coffee, and hot chocolate to anti-ICE protesters. Guard members were issued reflective vests so they would not be mistaken for federal agents.

#abolishice in Union Square yesterday

He was clearly restrained and in no way dangerous. This was a murder. Accountability fucking matters. Timeline: How the Shooting of Alex Jeffrey Pretti Unfolded www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

TW: depiction of ICE committing a murder from verified footage c/o @nytimes.com

“Remain calm. Please do not destroy our city.” ICE is destroying Minneapolis and killing people in the streets. They are defending themselves. What are you asking your people for? What are you waiting for?

The unc who went viral a few weeks ago protesting in MN is back: "5 shots they put into that man's body. How do you look me in the eye and tell me you can justify this? I'm a veteran. I swore an oath back in 1969 to protect this country against all enemies foreign and domestic. This is unbelievable"

CNN cuts to reporter Sara Sidner, who is in distress: "I'm trying to breathe"

“When you see what looks like to almost everybody as a video of an execution? I don’t know if you really have another choice but to show up for your community… I don’t want to be here because it’s -10 degrees, but I don’t know another way to show how much I’m hurting.” #minneapolis

“200 rioters” brother we have fucking eyes

We owe an incredible debt to the Minnesotans who are on the streets protesting and documenting what is happening.

Live in Minneapolis more witnesses detained