McSweeney’s reimagined “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as written by the harridan shrew Bari Weiss: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bar...

CHARLIE BROWN: Lucy, what is this play we’re putting on? LUCY: The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. CHARLIE BROWN: That’s a Christmas play? LUCY: Charlie Brown. In this age of mob thinking, it is our duty to resist the crowd.

A new ep of The Editrix is up now! Join us as we talk about getting books published with @jennieegerdie.bsky.social while we laugh our Tetons off. Watch here or listen wherever you get your ‘casts!! youtu.be/1m_Cbao89bk?...

I wish this wasn't so spot on, I really do.

CHARLIE BROWN: I'm depressed. LUCY: It’s because of mainstream media cowardice. In an age of lies, telling the truth is a huge risk. Are you afraid of being silenced because of your “privilege”? How ’bout for the crime of listening to a diversity of opinions?

Savage in the best McSweeney’s tradition. If this damn cartoon means a lot to you (as it does me), please check this out

tfw CBS Sunday Morning “interviews” Dave Portnoy Bari Weiss’s A Charlie Brown Christmas on @mcsweeneys.net www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bar...

Because nothing has changed at CBS! Nothing at all!!! My latest for @mcsweeneys.net, Bari Weiss’s A Charlie Brown Christmas

“How do you measure, measure a year?” me: hit me “In daylights?” me: yup “In sunsets?” me: sure “In midnights?” me: fine “In cups of coffee?” me: oh honey we’d allllll be dead

Bari Weiss’s A Charlie Brown Christmas [SATIRE] CHARLIE BROWN: Lucy, what is this play we’re putting on? LUCY: The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. The children begin dancing to Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA.” www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bar...

CHARLIE: There's something wrong with me. I just don’t understand Christmas. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel. LINUS: Charlie Brown, you are the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy is right. Maybe it is because of woke.

Today in @mcsweeneys.net definitive proof nothing has changed at CBS under Bari Weiss, not one bit www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bar...

If you don’t read and enjoy this, you are a member of the woke mob

Because nothing has changed at CBS! Nothing at all!!! My latest for @mcsweeneys.net, Bari Weiss’s A Charlie Brown Christmas

LINUS: Charlie Brown, you are the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy is right. Maybe it is because of woke. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bar...

Sitting back with my electric foot massager lookin like the Maxwell tape ad

True story: Last week at family thanksgiving, I told my Aunt-in-law “I fucked my way through all the cousins in the family until I found the richest one to marry.” AMA

During family thanksgiving, I said I’m grateful for “Grandma-in-law serving cunt.” AMA

hell yeah

I’m gonna implore everyone here to take the W if only to experience the feeling again.

“This thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?” The timing of the Trump/Mamdani press conference. FINALLY something I can chat with my alt-right Uncle-in-law about.

Spider League is just MomTok for comedy dudes. The official equation is: MomTok + Dudes Rock = Spider League

Next up is anti-vaxxers getting really into leaches. RFK jr unrolling Big Leach 2026, line ups at CVS for a deep leachin’ , Make America Leach Again

10pm in November is 3am in July

Way to go @schumer.senate.gov really glad you took a stand by not endorsing the NY democratic candidate for mayor AND by making this whole shutdown completely pointless. True leadership.

@democrats.org :

@nytimes.com editorial

Happy wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald day to all who celebrate

JD Vance in a beach boy themed parallel universe

you mean

Jobs.

Dick Cheney dying on the day NYC will elect a democratic socialist Muslim mayor? Poetry

I hate gay Halloween, what do you mean you’re the season 1 Love is Blind dog that loves wine

happy Hamoween, may we all be hams

YESSSSS THERE IS A GOD

Became a citizen in January, first time voting yesterday! The poll workers cheered, I got extra stickers, and Matt ripped down a Cuomo sign. Get on out, early voting is happening in NYC! #workingfamiliesparty

Andrew Cuomo: the government doesn’t build housing . Zohran Mamdani: Always nice to hear Cuomo make up his own facts Curtis Sliwa: they fight like kids in a schoolyard, I’ve filled libraries with cocktail napkins but let me tell you I was once shot by 6 cats stacked in a trenchcoat

Watching the mayoral debate and I can’t unsee it @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social

me: Weaponizing ICE and stealing 230 million from American people and lying more than breathing and we’re supposed to just keep working?? And paying fucking taxes while people get abducted and imprisoned and killed and - chef at Jellycat Diner Experience: [pushes stuffie across counter]…order up

God gives his toughest battles to his smooshiest soldiers (me)

Tfw the person you’re in love with is getting married tomorrow

Mamdani: free buses for all Cuomo: tax breaks for corporations Curtis Sliwa: Start dealing with reality, I’m the only one on this stage totally opposed to a Gilmore girls fall. Those girls kill Pets, they killed Skippy the hamster, I would give the Gilmore girls the death penalty

Andrew Cuomo: Zohran has no experience Zohran Mamdani: Cuomo has no integrity Curtis Sliwa: We gotta keep Rikers open so CVS will stop locking up the toothpaste

That David dinkins is the name of a former NYC mayor kills me. David Dinkins is the name of a friendly, fluffy schnauzer

Andrew Cuomo: more cops Zohran Mamdani: better cops Curtis Sliwa: Boston cops

Watching the mayoral debate and I can’t unsee it @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social

Andrew Cuomo: the government doesn’t build housing . Zohran Mamdani: Always nice to hear Cuomo make up his own facts Curtis Sliwa: they fight like kids in a schoolyard, I’ve filled libraries with cocktail napkins but let me tell you I was once shot by 6 cats stacked in a trenchcoat

Blasting hot jazz from my 4th floor apartment so my neighbors know I’m up to no good, Tennessee Williams style

Sums up the majority of Americans political position perfectly

“They say Costco’s $1.50 hot dog combo is a strategic loss-leader to attract customers, but I never would’ve dreamed it would attract me to you. You are everything I need in one person, like how Costco’s hot dog is everything I need in one meal. Will you take this dog and be my wife?”