guess who’s doing an expensive piss test to find out if my generic adhd drugs are even clocking in for their shift in the body of the most beautiful genetic lottery winner

I get that the internet is the last little treat we can afford in the treat economy but social media wasn’t built to save you bc the emergency instructions, the whisper that must pass from lips to ears, the spark that would carry from house to house are like “federal crimes” or whatever.

brrr cold temperatures are here again and winter can be so dangerous! this is just a seasonal reminder to melt your local ice. please look out for your neighbors and kill their ice too. anyone with a shovel can do this. stay safe. 🫵🏻

took my autistic king to the NYE john mulaney show and its his birthday 4 minutes after midnight. he doesn’t like going out for new years but I appeased him with the promise we would be in traffic to ring in both. yes he likes this. “quieter” what a guy. ♥️

explain your username no

uh which one of you suffered a witch to live

happy 400,000 crows in downtown pdx day to all who celebrate 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

I can’t stop thinking about vince staples calling ashli babbitt chopped.

in celebration of my unlikely achievement surviving to middle age please enjoy this photo of me this summer bragging about being in bed before the sun went down. finally 40 we won.

every day we stray further from god which is our loss bc she has a huge dick

Sam Altman: yeah so data centers, well you know they take a lot of power to run. And I figure, what is more powerful than Goku? Interviewer: Goku is pretty powerful. Altman: Goku will power our data centers. Interviewer: yeah

just got 360 no scoped approaching a simmering vegan butter chicken. shit clipped me from like 40 inches oh my god

I am so fucking

actually so cowardly of amazon to cancel Wheel of Time before it even becomes a harem anime

a weeb crisis is when you don’t know how tf you’re gonna sell ppl on an anime youre fucking with bc on paper it sucks. you can hear your elevator pitch in your head and its cheeks

you can’t even absolve nazi mercenaries anymore because of woke

its always bill you’re so mentally ill it’s never bill we love you you’re the greatest rapper alive we wanna give you head here’s some money

how do you tell someone with chat gpt psychosis they’re kinda doing a chat gpt psychosis please help I can’t ask chat gpt bc im normal

objectively funny crashout but ppl like this need to be institutionalized. my most fascist take is we put malignant incels in the camps. be normal. the Sephiroth skreed buys you 5 years idc

just told cheska i was chopped boots cramps have me on my knees shaking dry heaving and he was like “go lay down but open the front door first” and I see this???? the most locked in you can be as partner is operating at a level you can be reasonably accused of being a witch.

FUCK SOCIAL MEDIA. MARRY BOOKS. KILL AI.

all my smart appliances are singing to me in blessed tongues telling me I'm the chosen one

happy ian watkins got clapped in prison day to all who celebrate

can confirm

just read the recent studies they seem to indicate the leading causes of autism are israel, epstein, rage bait, distraction politics and the 24 hour new cycle

im starting to think there isn’t anything essential about these oils

do you want company? while you wait for your beast in the jungle? do you want company?

she did it again

my favorite thing about building an 8ft work space in my room is how if she wants me to be done, Imogene just gets out of bed, climbs up and makes me hold her while she sleeps

he’s cackling at me for giving him the comically large chronic-illness-sized heating pad “why is this the only size we have?” and of course he doesn’t know this but- you can only have one heating pad in your house. if you have two, god kills the first born. she does this to keep us humble.

[the shooter is unidentified] the left must be purged with the sword [the shooter is, again, a compulsive masturbator who loved Hitler] I believe it was pascal who said that the heart has reasons that reason may not know

imagine you get murdered and kash patel is investigating your death that’s how you get a generational poltergeist talent that’s how they’re made

the crusading angels of a free speech death cult want you fired for free speech about the dead signaling 6 more weeks of snowflake summer

rip charlie kirk you would have loved charlie kirk getting shot with a gun

like I know we make fun of the millennial moms for their boring het fairy porn but if I think about it, the most thrilling fantasy some of us have had in weeks was the president being dead

On a serious note have they figured out what caused RFK Jr

who can I sue bc why am I running terminal commands to try to save my mac my posture cannot support a coding lyfestyle?? women in stem blessed be the fruit or whatever

fellas is it gay to be born across infinite timelines to give someone a happy ending

i couldn’t think of the word “Instrumentality” just now so I called it Evangelion Everywhere All at Once

respectfully respectfully respectfully respectfully respectfully respectfully

look im sorry I said sleep token feels like listening to imagine dragons im sorry my jaw dropped at the diabolically corny rap I liked bits and pieces but I felt deeply uncool the whole time please don’t burn my house to the ground there are cats in hereeee

are they? fucking?? crazy??? 🚫

you ever try to describe your mother to anyone who wasn’t there? you can’t. too much lore I just said “imagine a cigarette with wings” ???

just one more neolib fuckass moderate candidate please just one more neolib fuckass candidate please just one more

I had a dream I started squatting in a rental because I liked the spa and sauna too much and I would not stop saying “it’s not clocking to you that im standing on business” to everyone who tried to intervene

the way she always dries herself off after her bath like okay work blonde ambition tour

we’re just normal men

ur piloting a great eva bestie

shrinking down to an inscrutable little thing.