I called the wrong client today, and his reply? "Can you dial me wrong every day? If I'm answering misdials I want them to be this joyful. Call me accidentally any time!"

Less than two weeks after carpal tunnel release and I did a half hour piano lesson with both hands 😁

MrBeast hates Zohran because if people have access to basic necessities, it will demolish the Giving People Those Necessities As Part Of A Saw-Inspired Game Show industry

FYI: if you fill out a single bubble for governor on your ballot, but then put the tiniest asterisk and write "fuck this CIA shill, cop-apologist sack of shit who is somehow the better candidate" it'll "spoil" your ballot and you'll need to go through a whole process to get a new one 😇

My godson is a genius. He knows how to engage someone with important questions.

someone invited people magazine to the kitchen and they brought their own knives

Wait. Wait wait wait if this goddamn daylight savings is today, does that mean it's 4:32 for real (and 3:32 for fake) and I'm still reading?? I should go to bed. Maybe.

Me whenever I see Colin the #BoardGameBear

Netanyahu broke the ceasefire & killed 104 Palestinians, including 46 children. Israeli soldiers executed a 9 year old boy in the West Bank as he watched a football game—he's the 1001st person they've killed since 10/7. And corporate media has largely ignored it. www.qasimrashid.com/p/israel-exe...

Sorry, but I have to play Devil's advocate for a moment: Meeeeeow.

What if my left hand actually gets better and I do the next two surgeries on the right side and next year at this time I have multiple intricately carved pumpkins at my door and actually give things away on Halloween all because my pain is less and I can participate again? Is that even possible?

conspiracy to make a cop go slow

I want to say this is finally some good news, but good news is Sonya never being murdered. I've thought about her and what happened to this case, on and off. I hope her family, friends, and community can begin to heal.

Cutest warning my mom has given in years... Me: I'm cooking like normal, even without using my left hand. Mom: Be careful not to cut yourself! One handed? What of mine would I be cutting? Would the knife bend backwards into the hand that's holding it? I love my mom.

Now I have a new, easy way to convey what life-long pain is like. 11 hours ago my surgeon sliced open my hand for carpal tunnel release. I woke up in the middle and thought "huh, they didn't really numb me as much as expected" but just laid there and listened as they finished because it was neat.

Just a thought: How about we stop shaming the poor for buying things that may not be essential, and start shaming the rich for making a profit off things that are essential?

Today a client told me I have a beautiful and positive, lively personality. I looked her dead in the eyes and cheerfully told her "Thank you! It's my mom's!" She doesn't need to know I also inherited the wrath of both my grandmothers. It wasn't relevant information.

I would deliver so many asthma attacks to drivers who do the same to me in traffic. I would terrify everyone who caused me to wake in the middle of a full blown medical emergency, in the dead of the night, absolutely covered in the stench of pot at a non smoking hotel. I would be vengeance.

As of this weekend, I no longer have a medical degree.

ICE targeted an apartment building near my home. Masked agents in unmarked cars. I've said this before. Democratic Governors & Mayors need to order their local police depts to arrest any & all unidentified & masked alleged ICE agents. This anonymous denial of due process is deadly. 1/2

Maybe my favorite movie, too.

Not at all surprised that the heinous attack on St. Helena Island, the very seat and center of Gullah Geechee culture isn't being widely reported or focused on.

Mass Shooting Breaking News! 4 people were killed & at least 20 were injured at a crowded Willie’s Bar and Grill on St. Helena Island South Carolina. Their GOP Rep. Nancy Mace, who stands with the gun lobby, sends thoughts & prayers. apnews.com/article/sout...

Mom told me to go home from work because it was "quarter 'til hockey" and I couldn't get out until four quarters past hockey, or one and a half periods of hockey, or four sixths of hockey. Anyway mom doesn't like numbers and I do so this was very fun. LET'S GO FLYERS!!

Literally EVERY program that helps people with disabilities is put into place with the goal of helping the ENTIRE populous because EVERYONE can become disabled. Taking away accessibility and aid doesn't only hurt the people it's currently helping, it harms EVERYONE now and in the future.

A solemn Indigenous Peoples' Day! Remember, Peoples' Day NOT People's Day •"People's" is the possessive of the word people—the plural of person •"Peoples'" is the possessive of the word peoples—used to refer to groups of people "Indigenous Peoples' Day" celebrates the many Indigenous Groups❤️

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day, Fuck Columbus, Fuck the storm troopers, Fuck tyranny and oppression in all its forms the world over!

He'll keep banning all the countries until only the USA is left, and he'll score the winning goal.

will never forget the post that quoted this but with beastie boy cadence old Tom bombadil is a merry FELLOW bright blue his jacket is and his boots are YELLOW

It’s official: AIPAC is trying to buy my election to keep me out of Congress. Apparently, I’m a “dangerous detractor”... by believing Palestinians (like myself and my family) deserve basic human rights. But we’re not going to let AIPAC win.

I was so hyped for Demon Slayer but Infinity Castle was somehow excellent and mid, too long and not enough, interesting and boring.

Stand by? Stand by for what precisely? A brittle and viscous old man killing tens of thousand trying to keep out of prison eventually dying? www.theguardian.com/australia-ne...

the funny thing about the constant misappropriation of MLK is that the guy left a massive body of writing specifically aimed at explaining his views of those of the movement he represented to the broad public. it is extremely easy to know what the guy thought on a variety of subjects and yet

Fuck your app. I want to be able to visit your website and do everything I need to do there. Apps are for specific functions, the way computer programs used to be.

For everyone saying political violence has no place in this country… Remember two Democratic legislators were shot in Minnesota just this year. And America shrugged and moved on.

Sometimes I'm reminded of how much I wanted to be a surgeon when I was a kid. It's a good thing I changed my mind before I was a teenager because, you know... Surprise forever hand disability kinda ruins that plan.

The “problem” with vaccines? They so effective at preventing deaths that they create generations of people that question whether disease was a problem in the first place because they have never experienced the horrors of a world without vaccines.

Taking the "war on drugs" to the next level.

Yesterday: Doc tells me I have bilateral carpal and cubital tunnel and need surgery in wrists and elbows on both arms. The appointment took two minutes tops. Today: I ask for and receive my nerve study they omitted from my portal. Bilateral carpal tunnel. Cubital: right side only. What. The fuck?

I once played a game of Risk "from Hitler's perspective" as a joke. It was a lot of me whining "I'm a sack of shit! Countries are like Pokémon and I gotta catch 'em all! I'm deeply troubled and taking Europe will fix me better than therapy!" Doubt this sack of shit lawyer wrote it like I played it.

One time I was driving my Nana and her bird to a veterinary clinic in the middle of nowhere and she couldn't believe I knew where I was going and made me stop to ask directions at a church. Long story short: the priest told me I was going to hell, and never confirmed I was going the right way.

Looks like the US and Canadian housing markets are fraternal twins! For real though: this is why I use myself as an example of someone who cannot afford my own housing. Clients see me as financially savvy and secure - and thankfully I am. But I can't afford my house today. Let's rough numbers:

Well there you have it: www.nytimes.com/2025/08/27/u...

listen the world is a mess but a judge ordered the Florida migrant prison closed, California passed their "fuck around, find out" redistricting, and James Dobson is dead this is the best net good news day in awhile, I really do think

Fox 17 Nashville reports that Kilmar Abrego Garcia has been released from criminal detention in Tennessee and is on his way home to Maryland. “Today, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is free,” his attorney, @sean-hecker.bsky.social, said in a statement. fox17.com/news/local/k...

this is what a military machine does when it meets a civilian SUV

DnD group in the questionnaire and interview to join: will you make your commitments? Me: Absolutely, barring very unusual circumstances. I tried to log in from a plane once, but the connection sucked. Then they admit me and end up having a fairly frequent cancelation schedule 😭

I made a doctor's office waiting room friend today when the news was on and I made editorial comments to my mom about everything, including "where are all the assassins? Really, what happened to them? Don't any hit men want to do good?" when Trump was on the screen. One lady REALLY liked my views 😅

It's come to my attention that maybe I misinterpreted the lyrics to Don't Wiz On The Electric Fence in a unique way as a child. I thought the opening was: When nature's callin' Don't be Stalin Use your common sense! Proper noun. Like Joseph Stalin. It was logical! No one should be Stalin!

I haven't even started the new season of Kaiju no 8 what is wrong with me am I ill?